An Atitude Adjustment

Whenever I start thinking to myself, “Mooner, you are a good man,” all I need to correct my thinking is to make a trip down to the Capital Area Food Bank. Anytime I think I have become one of those people other people should admire I just go down to way-South Congress Avenue and pay a visit to some actual good people.

Like yesterday, for instance. In spite of the risks of personal injury and possible arrest, I sucked it up and attempted to do a public service for that nice lady with the moosie knuckle over to the Sprouts. I was proud of myself for taking the time to think, plan and act in the best interests of another human being, and ignore the threats to my personal safety.

My Gram says it like this, “Hoomin bing,” and that cracks me up. Since I’ve spent my entire life with Gram and Streaker Jones both, I can understand most of their fractured English. But sometimes my Gram just cracks me up. What can I say.

So, I got back to the ranch, unloaded the groceries, washed the avocado off my face and changed my clothes. Gram took one look at my face and said to me, she says, “Whose pansies ya step in this time Mooner? Let me go git my “A Slug A This Will Stop That Slap From Bruisin” potion. Yur gonna git shiners from chin ta eyebrows unless ya dose-up.”

After ingesting a couple droppers of Gram’s potion, I sat out to the patio with a cold Carta Blanca to ruminate my day over. Wait- maybe I ruminated over my day.

Whichever, my day was getting ruminated about and I was feeling pretty good about myself. I did a good deed for a damsel with distressed pocket poochies and it only cost me a couple hours and two black eyes. Usually my efforts with damsels cost either trips to jail and terms to visit the loonie bin for “observation”, or six-figure annual alimony payments.

I was ruminating that this good deed of mine had gone mostly unpunished, at least from an historical perspective.

Are you guys still with me?

So. This morning I woke up feeling pretty good about myself as a “Do Gooder” and an all-around man of the people. I exercised, read the paper and got ready for the day. This day was starting with a visit to the Food Bank.

See, I’ve made arrangements for the Johnson Family Interests, LLC- that’s my holding company that controls all of my business interests, to make some direct donations to the Food Bank from my website and bloggie job. Five-percent (5%) of all gross revenues from the web and blog and my book sales will be donated to the Capital Area Food Bank.

I go with five-percent of the gross because that’s like 40% of the net after Gnat gets done doing the books. I’m always suspicious of anybody who wants to pay me off the net profits of anything. Like Streaker Jones says, “Nuttin seems ta slip thru tha net.”

How do you argue with Streaker Jones logic? Can’t.

Movie and record people are the worst of what I call “Net Profit Pirates”. I can’t tell you how many of the world’s best musicians were ripped off by Net Profit Pirates back to the Sixties. Some of those guys made tens-of-millions of dollars for music companies and died broke while they waited on a royalty check.

So, I like doing my deals based on gross, except with tax men and other government types. Them I don’t mind creative bookkeeping to end up paying pennies on the dollar. In fact, its a source of pride. Donations to the Food Bank are not net dealies.

The reason I was going down there was to do some arm-twisting to convince them to link their website with my site- do a little cross-pollinating with me. Networking is the only way to go!

OK, look, I know it was a highly unlikely possibility that they could be convinced to tie themselves closely to me, but I wanted to give it the old college try. I have a clear picture that Baptists, Republicans, church ladies of the non-Baptist persuasion, and other people offended by my thinkings comprise a large portion of the Food Bank’s donor list. I get that.

But I had to make the effort to see if there was a way.

There is not a way, and that’s OK with me. Like to have a “Yes” but understand, and appreciate, the “No”.

Other peoples’ principles are something I understand even if I don’t agree. I don’t have a problem with people having principles with which I disagree. But sometimes I disagree with the principals behind them.

I’m pretty sure that was properly said.

The Food Bank cannot afford to endorse any supporter at the risk of alienating another supporter. It doesn’t bother me to upset anyone because I’m the only one I need to serve. The Food Bank will not discriminate- they will take anyone’s help and use to offer a helping hand to anyone who needs it. The Food Bank is non-sectarian on both front and back ends of their business model.

They hold themselves to a higher moral code than me. The mirror into which I look every morning is small and fogged when compared to theirs. I freely admit that I practice personal bias as my routine. Pastor Browningwell over to my Gram’s Baptist church says of me, “Mooner Johnson has fractured moral fiber.”

If the right reverend would ever listen to me, he would understand why I feel as I do. But it just isn’t a part of his moral fiber to listen to any view that takes an opposing position to the Southern Baptist Convention.

Having concerns for what others think of me is not one of my moral fibers because I am sectarian, or whatever it is that I am for not caring what you think of me. The weave of my social fabric is based upon my experience, attempted understanding of contrary views and actual thought. I am capable of changing my mind when the evidence proves me wrong, and that, I think, moves my moral ground out of the flood plain.

But the Food Bank will feed you regardless of your thinkings. They will accept your money gratefully, even if you are a Republican, because you are a person who cares enough to help feed people.

I’ll take a Republican’s money because I think I can put it to better use than him. His money is safer in my hands than his.

So, on my way home I was thinking about how I’m not really such a wonderful guy because I’m opinionated, rude, crude and completely inappropriate. I am, after all, The Most Inappropriate Man In The World.

But that’s why I give my money to the Food Bank rather than just taking the 18-wheeler down to the Valley and loading-up with produce for the hungry. I’d be trying to use my personal bias to limit the distribution of nutrition. Hell, I’d likely make you pass a test before serving your lunch.

Then I’d feel bad about myself and need more psycho therapy.

But look here. I can’t feed everyone who needs some feeding. You guys send a check to the Capital Area Food Bank. It’s a crime to let a neighbor go hungry.

Even if he is a Republican.

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13 Responses to “An Atitude Adjustment”

  1. Theresa D. St.Johnswort says:

    Dear Mooner,
    I really enjoy this blogger thing you’ve turned me onto. I feel I can talk about just about anything, even if that fact check on my computer isnt working. I’ve got my own built in fact check and it helps to have my canary, Rue, at my side telling me what to do like a voice in my head. Since it’s an external voice, technically, it doesn’t mean I’m crazy. That would be scarry, to find out I am crazy too. Then I would have to be afraid of myself as well as other crazy people. But I get distracted.
    What I’m writing to suggest is that you also look into telling homeless people about you website. Even though they probably don’t have computers, at least not now that they are not officing on wall street, this could be a pool of people who would apprecite what you have to say, not to mention your Gram’s potions. I’m sure you and Dixie could just walk the streets and meet most of them over a period of time.
    The googlin wouldn’t work for them. In fact, I’m not even sure how google works and how Mr. Google can make any money, since the few times I think I accidentally googled, I never paid. I don’t think he saw me, even though I believe my laptop has a camera.
    You may think I am old country, but I am afraid of computers also. I think computers, or the internet, will destroy the world, eventually, but many of my fears are gonna take awhile. It’s hard being intuitve and ADD. It serves me well as a therapist and in my avocations, but is another source of anxiety when I need to have two feet in reality, rather than one. (If I check my facts, I can’t be iintiutive, and if I am fact checking, i can’t be ADD.)
    That’s why i have Rue around. Every now and then, a wave of OCD come out of the blue as well, even though i don’t have an OCD bone in my body. Now that I think of it, I’ve heard that bad wittches can blow bones into other peoples bodies. But I digress again.
    Hope I’m not scaring you, but these are things i have to think about all the time as a psycho therapist. At any rate, because i fell in an odd way sympatico with you because of your brain thing, i am overiding my tendencies and trying to learn as much as I can about how to use the computer from you. I’ll be watching you, so keep fully clothed when in front of your conputer. D.

  2. Theresa D. St.Johnswort says:

    PSS> I hope you caught my joke about Mr. Google. Just trying to be funny while talking about serious things. We all know that there are a number of “Googles” out there, and though we know they are watching us, we really know very little about their nature or business. Please stand a little more to your left.

  3. admin says:


    I got your Mr. Google joke, but it is not funny. I was just served legal documents from Mr. Google expressing his desire to ban me from his search engines. What, the Chinese Government is less offensive than I? Me?

  4. admin says:


    I understand your blogger feelings. The ability to express yourself to millions of ears is exhilirating. To have unfettered access, at low cost, is what America is all about.

    I am, however, concerned about the voices and your bird. If you have these voices in your ear/head and you do not have ADD, I am concerned for your mental well-bieng. I can suggest a good therapist. I know that you are a therapist but maybe you have that forest/trees dealie and would like a refferal.

    As for your bird, I consulted with Dixie and she tells me that she knows your bird. Dixie thinks the bird has some trust issues, the manifestation of getting kicked out of the nest at too young an age. Dixie also asked me to advise you about one aspect of what she calls “bird speak”. All talking birds develop their human language voices from the same learning process that human babies use and that is the process called “parroting”.

    In humans, the parroting stage is quickly followed by the “oh, yea, Da-Da means that guy” stage. Genetically speaking, birds get stuck at parroting. If you want to insure clear and concise communications, Dixie suggests that you learn one of the bird languages.

    “Either the hummingbird or snipe,” says Dixie. “Hummingbird has the simplest dialect and is easy to mimic, and snipe is closer to human languages but pretty complex.”

    Dixie says to let her know and she can give you the name of a specialist.

  5. Thanks for another awesome post. I am rather sure this post has helped me save many hours of scrolling through other similar posts just to find what I was looking for. Keep up the good work: Thank you!

  6. admin says:

    And thank you Search.

    Please keep looking here.

  7. seo company says:

    Good Comments. I agree with your point.

  8. admin says:

    Thanks Seo.

    It seems that my psycho therapy has become stuck on me adjusting my attitude. But let me ask you this. Isn’t it the other guy’s fault at least sometimes?

  9. cheers very much, I have to say your site is excellent!

  10. admin says:

    Thank you Miguelina.

    I do take requests.

  11. Very intereresting reading. thx

  12. Yo,great post,thanks for your share! and I wonder if i can use this article in my website if I put a link back to yours? Waiting for your reply!

  13. admin says:

    I hope to have an answer Wednesday. Thanks again.

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