How Many Mooner Johnsons Does It Take To Post A Webpage?

I hate computers. I just spent an hour writing the initial content for my new website’s homepage. I then spent four hours unseccussfully getting it from Microsoft Word-to save-html-to FilZilla-to whothefuck knows. My computer consultant, Ben Mineo at Balcones PC, is one of those geeky genious computer types. I watched Ben load the hompage you see now when you go there and I carefully wrote each step down as he did it. I highly recommend Ben if you need an in-home computer fix or if you need help to figure out how to do something. He works hard, fixes stuff, is reasonable and doesn’t make you feel stupid for not being a geek. I’m sure he walks out my door and starts tweeking or twirping or whatever the shit it is these kids do.

He’s likely texting, “U giz wont b-leev. Muner Johnson iz such a Bozo. Ask me how 2 create a folder. Crazy old bastard is riddled w the ADHD 2. Hilee inappropriate.”

Of course, when I wrote the new content and went to paste it or post it or whatever it is that you do when you do that to change a webpage, no dice. So I figure I’ll just post to my blog where I can just get in front of my dashboard and type.

So, I’m pissed about Rick Perry as it seems he might get elected again. I love Texas but Texans are starting to rankle my hackles. It’s bad enough that we followed Georgie Bush Junior with little Ricky poo. But holy shit kids, what are we thinking? We Texans keep electing a man to run our state who makes his decisions based upon his personal religous principles. This asswipe Republican shitbird rightwing Baptist Aggie won’t let me play poker because of his “Christian” thinkings. Ignorant shit like that.

We should have elected Kinky. He’s Jewish, but he wouldn’t be telling the rest of us we can’t eat pork and we have to wear those little hat jobbies or wear those corn-roll ear tails like an Hassidic. We need to stop electing politicians who have never had a real job. And being a lawyer or working for a politician are not real jobs. A man needs to prove he can support himself in a meaningful profession before he can run for office. The college kids that park my car at the vallet down to the Z Tejas are better prepared to make good decisions than these brain-dead shitballs we keep electing.

I need to ask Ben if he’s related to Sonny Mineo, that singer. Or is it Sam Mineo?

Anyway, I wrote a book titled “I’m Not That Crazy, or How Oprah Winfrey Almost Ruined My Life.” That’s the reason I’m even getting involved with all of this website and bloggy shit. My publisher, Pulled Pork Publishing, is refusing to print until I get 10,000 requests. Rotten shitwads. That problem started when US News and World Reports named me as, “The most inappropriate man in the world.” So, when I get the website up and running, I would like you to place an order for the book. I’ll also be selling lots of other neat stuff.

Unbelievable. They said that my moonshows, my coarse language, my ten failed marriages, and my multiple arrests for murder were my qualificationsto the world’s most inappropriate. My Gram said, “Mooner, yur a disruptive little shit an that’s why.”

I’m six-feet four and what the hell does “disruptive” really mean? Or “inappropriate” for that matter. I mean please. I do get in fights often but I never start them. Like the one last week over to the Lesbian Alliance. Sister, that’s my lesbain actual sister, and Anna the Amazon- that’s Sister’s wife and my actual third ex-wife, invited me to a meeting of the Lesbian Alliance for show-n-tell. The girls were making presentations to the group as to just why they are lesbian, and I was their “show” part.

Anyway, Dixie was there with me and I got us each a cold Carta Blanca from the bar there to Guerros Taco place. Dixie is my talking dog and she like Carta Blanca almost as much as me. So I’m patiently waiting in line for my beers and I get into this discussion with one of the ladies about something and she just sucker punches me for no reason. Swear to God!

But don’t worry. I got off the floor, it wasn’t too dirty, and poked her in the eye with a slice of lime. Bitch then grabbed my wrist and yanked me into a bear hug. I must have passed out because all I remember is waking up in my truck with Dixie bitching at me.

Oh well. I need to go make some money to pay for all of this Inet shit.

Hugs and kisses kids. I’ll be back.


Print Friendly

One Response to “How Many Mooner Johnsons Does It Take To Post A Webpage?”

  1. t shirt pics says:

    It was very interesting

Leave a Reply