The AMA, Iraq and Afganistan War, and Sandra Bullock

Who was the first person to say, “No good deed goes unpunished?” I want to send them a card or nominate them for some kind of smart person award. I am now neck-deep in crap and for no reason other than I try too hard to help.

First, let’s talk about this bloggy job. It’s a blog, people. It’s not a radio show, or a phone call or an e-mail, and it’s for sure not an open invitation for you to come out to Mooners Compost Plant and try to punch me in the nose.

No, it is a BLOG! Respond to my rantings and ravings here. Nowhere else.

So. If you want to respond in any way about any thing I say here, do it here. Post your thoughts or ideas to the bottom at the “COMMENTS” dealie to the end of any posted entry. Hell, make yourself to home and write something as a comment to all of them if you feel the need.

But stop calling me to work and the ranch and my cell phone to bitch at me. Bitch at me here. Don’t e-mail me because I won’t read it or respond. And for shitsakes stop coming after me to do bodily harm. I’m tough enough to whip most of you all by my lonesome. But if you were to manage to penetrate my personal defenses, you’d be dealing with Streaker Jones.

Please don’t make me clean your body fluids and tattered parts off the floor if Streaker Jones comes to my aid.

But this one Russian psycho therapist buddy of Dr. Sam I. Am calls me, and he says, “Well, Mooner, I would like to say something both in support and in opposition to your positions. But I must maintain my anonymity. Any breach or disclosure of my personal thoughts and opinions would be detrimental to my professional rapport with my patients.”

So I told him I wish Dr. Sam I. Am would keep her personal thoughts to herself in my therapy and you know what he said? He says, “Well Mooner, Sam shares the problems confronting her in her work with you in our peer supervision sessions. You are so crazy she needs our help. We fly in from all over the world to meet and discuss your problems.”

Well of course they do.

He went on, “I simply can’t have my name or e-mail address appear on your website.”

OK, fine. It won’t. I must have missed the part where he said something supportive.

Look here- when you comment below one of my posts, you are asked to supply your email address. That is not for publication but it is rather the only method I use to censure comments. If I have your e-mail address I can be sure that you are not a “Spam-bot” or some evil hacker.

If you are not some evil doer of computer crimes, I promise I will post your comment. I will only cut anything you say that I deem to be illegal. I am inappropriate to the extreme, but at least marginally law-abiding.

So comment away. Just do it here. Thank, you.

But in the face of making myself a liar, I do want to respond to a few of those previously-mentioned inappropriate comments.

First of all, I like Dexter Pittman and I was only trying to help him. Mark my words- in the weeks before the NBA Draft, all of those talking heads over to ESPN will parrot my comments.

Second, all of you chemical companies can kiss my ruby-red, spit-shined and cut to look like the Eiffel Tower redneck butt! Weed-and-feed products are nasty poisons and pollutants and need to be removed from the market. Send that shit over to Afghanistan and Iraq and bring our boys and girls back to home.

That crap will cause more ruin in five years than than the decade of George W. Bush-directed military actions have. So go ahead and sue me you caustic chemical making Republican right-wing Baptist fuckballs. Comment below and I’ll give you my lawyer’s info to send the papers.

I don’t know if this is third or should be labeled fourth, but third, I’ll quote Gram. She said to me, she says,” Mooner, you done caused me a shitstorm over to tha church. How could you talk about that Spriggie store and not mention the HEB or the Central Market? Pastor Browningwell sent Leticia over to sit with me and your Aunt Hilda to discuss it with us. Mighty embari-assin, Mooner. Mighty.”

I’d like to bare my ass at my Gram, but she hit me with a 410-gage shotgun loaded with rock salt the last time. I am required to listen to that old gasbag’s nonsense without negative reaction. I flash her just the one time while she was on a date and she blows half the hair off my butt with a shotgun.

Pastor Browningwell is Gram’s Baptist preacher and Leticia is his wife. And “yes”, the self-same Mrs. Browningwell who was my teacher, and more. HEB and its spawn, Central Market, are owned by the HE Butt family from down to San Antonio. The Butts are huge Baptists and Baptist as it gets. I am non-discriminatory so I shop with them, but I refuse to promote them. Besides, grapefruit was only 2 for a buck at my HEB, so I went to Sprouts. Sprouts has a limited selection when compared to most places, but they have great specials and the limited selection has great variety.

My butt is shaved in a replica of the Eiffel Tower for the moon show I have planned for when I take Dixie over to Paris for her big award night. I’ve got sparklers and fireworks and some other stuff and I plan to do it up right for her. I tell you this because I just know someone will ask, “Why’s your butt look like the Eiffel Tower?”

Fifth, I will respond to the American Medical Association in like-kind to their mailed complaint:

Dear AMA:

Fuck you. Nowhere in the six pounds of wasted-paper research, enclosed with your pissy letter, do you provide any hard research that disproves my theory of the attacking heart. All you do is blame the poor person for smoking or over eating or not getting enough exercise.

I get that a person’s habits can be bad for their heart, and I will say right here that nobody should smoke cigarettes.

However, my Gram buggerates me way beyond what any man has ever done to his heart, and I have yet to squeeze the life out of her. I want to, I have dreamed of it, often, and planned it a few times, but never acted.

But these hearts don’t have a heart. They just plunder and kill and maim with abandon, and often with no warning at all. Zero, zip nor zilch. Hearts attack people and we need to start keeping a close eye on them starting like when we, and the heart, get to be about maybe forty, I’d say.

Now, leave me alone and go find a cure for the common cold.

Sincerely,

Mooner Johnson

OK. Sixth and last. Google called to tell me that their search engine is ignoring my website because I don’t have good keywords. The sweet lady went on to explain that because I talk, “Like a backwoods hick,” it is likely that the search engines will continue to ignore me. When I asked Ben, my personal computer guru, about all of that he said, “That’s OK, Mooner. Just get other sites to link with you.”

Now I just need to figure out how to link. Dixie told me I need to be careful with whom I link. She was out with the Snoop Dog the other night after his concert here to Austin and he was telling her that the X-Rated porn sites have almost ruined his bloggy job and the website too.

I’ll figure it out but will use all of the help you can give me.

Also, I want to shout out to Delores. I passed all of your thoughts on to Gram and she said to tell you, “Tell tha D-girl that the f-cacentrics of her potions will improve ifn she’ll add just a touch a the magic shroomers. She can call me an I’ll give her a professional discount on some spoors.”

I tried to explain to her that Delores is less concerned with the efficacy of her formulas than she is with the historical correctness. Gram doesn’t understand following either a recipe or instructions.

And Gram went on to say, “An Mooner. Tell her that I got a potion for potion makers called, “Potion Smart Maker”. I’ll special price that un too.”

Delores is a regular responder and commenter to these pages.

Oh yea. I just thought I’d put Sandie’s name to the top to show my support.

I’m hungry, so goodbye. Mooner

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72 Responses to “The AMA, Iraq and Afganistan War, and Sandra Bullock”

  1. admin says:

    Thanks Debbie.

    I admire you for getting my crazy prose and ADHD thinking. It just keeps on coming. Stay tuned for more.

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  3. admin says:

    Thanks Gamblinggames.

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  4. Chase says:

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  5. Great web site, exactly where did you get the design?

  6. admin says:

    Thanks Ezekiel.

    The website and bloggie are 100% WordPress designs. The website is a copy/paste from a Word document and the blog stuff is what I think you would call a template.

    Since I don’t know shit about any of this, you know it must be easy. Ben Mineo, my computer fixer guy, set it all up in less than an hour. Now, I just paste in bloggie posts and vent my spleen. E-mail me if you have more questions.

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  9. admin says:

    Sorry Chanel, but I’m more lost than you are.

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  11. Can I use this text in my blog if I put a link back to yours?

  12. admin says:

    Absolutely. I looked and I like your site. Maybe I can get you with my Gram and you guys can share ideas on potions.

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    Thanks Foot.

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  15. simple spell says:

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  16. admin says:

    Hey Simple, thanks for the visit.

    I am waiting for my computer guy to pay a visit to discuss your request. I will get back to you when I know.

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  18. admin says:

    Thanks best.

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  21. admin says:

    Thanks Buy.

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