Carta Blanca Beer; Psychotherapists; and Blog Class

Stand back everyone, I’m a dangerous man. Well, even more dangerous than before. After three hours with Nettie Hartsock and Jenifer Hill Robenalt down to the Writers’ League offices this morning, you’re looking at a certified bloggie expert.

Mooner Einstein Johnson, “Social Media Giant.”

Next business cards I’m printing, that will be one of my titles. Nettie and Jenifer are wizards with all of this I-net stuff and they have a laid-back easiness in their presentation that helps even a non-believer like me see some light at the end of my tunnel vision.

However, they could program more bathroom breaks.

I was the only man there to South Congress with this room full of authorettes and authorettes-to-be, most of whom seemed to be psycho therapists. In some ways it was like going to a professional meeting with Dr. Sam I. Am back to when we were married. Then there were some YA authorettes, which I was told are writing for the “young adult” audience. “Whom” I was told maybe?

OK, now I’ll bite. What in the hell is a “young adult”? Is that a 15-year old girl with a little extra maturity to her memory bank, or is that a typical 45-year old male person?

And have you ever noticed how serious psycho therapists are when they talk about their work in public? Like it’s a life, or death, dealie. They get all serious and put on their “I’m a serious thinker and thoughtful listener and I feel your pain (how does that make you feel)” face. You know, their professional face.

But let me fill you in on something. This public/professional persona is just for public, or professional, consumption. Get them away from their couch, or get a couple of shots of tequila and a few cold Carta Blancas in these ladies, and they are just like the rest of us.

I know I’m generalizing because I have met a few psycho therapists who are just as serious as all that in person. I once dropped my pants and flashed my ass at this open house that some therapists held to their new office space. We’d been there a couple of hours and they were serving wine and beer.

But they were serving Dos XX beer and not Carta Blanca. I asked this one serious therapist hostess, very politely, why they chose to serve Dos XX rather than Carta Blanca. The psycho therapist says to me, she says, “Well, Mooner, why do you ask?” She said it all serious and shit.

So I say, in my best serious, I said, “Because I want to know.”

And now even more seriously, she says, “Is it important for you to know?”

When I just blank-stared at her for about fifteen minutes she says, “Do you have beer issues, Mr. Johnson?” This in what I hope was her most seriousness. Seriousnicity?

And of course she couldn’t stand the next fifteen minutes of my blank staring, so she says, “I hope you don’t think it inappropriate of me, but why is your name Mooner?”

“Inappropriate is my middle name,” I said, and so, seriously, I showed her.

My ass hair was plucked and dyed to resemble Santa Claus on one cheek and a Jewish candelabra on the other. I had just been down to the Austin City Council to show my support for “Multi-Cultural Day”.

Her husband punched me in the nose but he was of slight build and it didn’t hurt much. I told him he needed to go down to www.lordsboxing.com and get a lesson on putting some weight behind his punches.

A small man like that can get into serious difficulties hitting most men my size. He’s lucky I have experience in these situations and don’t take it personal.

But I am ADD-igressing the total bejesus out of all of us.

See, Nettie and Jenifer taught the crowd how to improve our blogs by doing certain things, like embedding links to the blogs of the persons about whom you are writing, like this: http://www.hooplamedia.wordpress.com/ that’s Jenifer.

Then, you can enter the website of another of the persons: nettie@nettiehartsock.com and that, of course, is the Netster.

Isn’t that clever?

They taught us a bunch of other things as well, but I’m not telling what they are. I paid $49.95 to attend this class and I’m only giving you like what, $0.36-worth of it for free.

Anyway, when I got home to put all of their good ideas to use, my bloggie was down. Deader than a door nail! But Go Daddy got me back up in no time. You can always count on http://www.godaddy.com/ for their support. They are the only I-net guys I have found that have the same kind of customer support that I like to give my customers.

I dare you to find better customer service than Go Daddy. Can anybody tell me who is better?

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