#colleenlindsay #americacalling; Mooner’s Blog Contest


So. Unexpectedly, I will be incommunicado for all of next week and maybe some of the following week. What that means is that I will not be posting bloggie dealies, nor will I be answering viewer mail.

It also means that the Johnson Family household out to the ranch will be having some issues.

See, as you all know by now, Rush Limbaugh and Rick Perry are in the closet, the one in my master bedroom. Dixie, Squirt and I have been hiding and protecting them from public scrutiny for many weeks. Public scrutiny and my Gram’s ire.

The dogs are going with me, so that leaves Mother as Rush and Rick’s sole protector. But Mother is afraid of the big ostrich, and Rush Limbaugh the pig is afraid of everything. I bought Gram and her best buddy P-cubed some tickets to Las Vegas. That way the two of them can go out to Sin City and enjoy the man buffet that is men away from home. It also keeps Gram’s twelve-gage double-barrel shotgun in the gun case.

I just wish Gram would let what happens in Vegas stay there. Have you ever sat through a dinner of fresh grilled goat, guacamole tostados and ranchero beans while listening to your grandmother relive her recent Vegas trip?

Tales of innocent young high school football coaches from Michigan, tied to the bedposts with their own shirts and socks, does not go with grilled goat.

I let Anna the Amazon tie me up this one time and it didn’t turn out so well. She had me bound and gagged, ready to play “Who’s Your Daddy,” when Sister called. Anna took the call despite my readiness to say, “You’re my daddy.”

Sister needed help with some thing or another, and Anna went to help. “Don’t go anywhere, Mooner. I’ll be right back,” were Anna’s words as she left the bedroom.

Gram cut me loose the next morning when she came to get me from breakfast. “Let me look at them knotties, Mooner,” she said. “These here look lik they might hold better n tha ones I been usin.”

Holy shit but my ADHD is fritzing me to death.

Look. I had this idea that I want to run by you. I have been accused by some readers of only presenting my view of the world on some serious issues. At first I wanted to say, “Well fucking duh!” But then I got to thinking that Mooner’s Webber and Bloggie Rule Number 7 requires me to, “Listen to and contemplate other points of view.”

So let’s have a bloggie contest and I’ll post the ones that I think best portray both opposing and supporting views to mine. I’ll award a copy of my new book to each posted writer as soon as I can get it through publishing.

Maybe this can be like a monthly dealie and we can pick a topic of discussion for each month. What do you think?

OK, here’s the rules. You know how I love rules.

  1. Entries must be on the named subject.
  2. Limit yourself to 1,000 words max. Unfair since I don’t limit myself, but I have ADHD and other mental maladies, and it’s my fucking website.
  3. I am the only official judge, but I promise to be fair.
  4. You can’t hurt my feelings, so say anything you want. My feelings have been stomped on by the best, and I’m still kicking.
  5. Don’t make threats. I’m dating a Special Agent in Charge for shitsakes, and she’ll feel responsible to investigate threats.
  6. I’ll give you credit for credibility of argument, new twists and analysis, and for both humor and compassion. As an example, I can guarantee you that my buddy Lloyd would be a winner on any subject he chose. Go see what I mean at: http://lifeslessonslearnedlate.blogspot.com/2010/08/prologue-to-part-iii-i-got-some-feed.html .
  7. I can choose as many winners as I want. If you don’t like my rules, you are obviously a brain dead Republican religious right-wing fuckball.
  8. Send all submissions to me at mooner@moonerjohnson.com which is my e-mail address.

Now, do we start big, or choose a small subject and work our way up? I think we should start with a bang, so here goes. The first subject is:

“Mooner Johnson thinks that the Holy Roman Catholic Church totally screwed-up in its latest rulings re: child rape/molestation and women as priests, the latest in a long history of screw-ups. I think…………”

Is that a good premise? I’ll not be able to read anything until I get back, but this gives you time to do some smart writing. I look forward to see what you can do. I would love to hear from #colleenlindsay or #americacalling, two twitter folks I follow. There are a bunch of others, but those two are fresh on my mind.

I follow Colleen because she and I share some commonalities. I follow Calling America because he/she/they seem solidly entrenched in ideology the opposite of mine.

See you when I get back. And drink Carta Blanca beer. Are you listening Carta Blanca?

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