Local Catholics Screw Pooch- Spoil Yom Kippur


So. Try as I might to remove the Catholic Church from my gun sights, they keep pulling silly stunts and placing the bullseye smack between their own eyes. This time, a local Catholic congregation, St. Louis of France Catholic Church, has managed to turn an act of kindness into a rank act of stupidity.

Here’s the deal. Temple Beth Shalom, a neighboring Jewish congregation to St. Louis, sometimes needs more room than they have on special occasions. This weekend’s Yom Kippur service is one of those occasions. Being good neighbors, St. Louis of France has allowed Beth Shalom to use their building on several prior occasions.

Love thy neighbor, and all of that, right?

But guess what. Two days before the scheduled sharing of facilities for Yom Kippur, Bishop Joe Vasquez, local Austin high muck-a-muck for The Holy Roman Catholic Church, decided to withdraw the invitation to use the church from Beth Shalom. The reason for this last minute change of heart- Rabbi Alan Freedman, Temple Beth Shalom’s high muck-a-muck, is on the Board of Planned Parenthood.

For whatever it’s worth, I bet Bishop Joe was Jose Vasquez before his promotion to Bishop. His birth name was likely Jose Dominguez-Vasquez, or Jose Vasquez-Rodriquez.

About ten minutes after I read the article, front page news on the Austin American Statesman, I started laughing. I had moved on in the newspaper, and was reading a Metro Section story about a DUI trial, when it hit me. Now look, don’t go getting all pissed at me. My chuckles were not directed at the terrible corner the Temple was backed into. I am very sad that the silly fucking Catholics pulled the rug from under the Temple.

But I couldn’t help myself from laughing- the Catholics crack me up.

Think about this one. OK, the Holy Roman Catholic Church is founded on the belief that Jesus Christ: was born the Son of God, birthed by a virgin mother; produced many miracles and said many wonderful things; was crucified and died and arose from the dead; willingly made that sacrifice so that the rest of us could be saved and have everlasting life in heaven, therefore fulfilling all of the important prophesy from the Old Testament; giving all of those Catholic Saints reason to write their books (that would be some of the New Testament); and a bunch of other stuff.

Basically, the faith that Jesus is who the Catholic Church says he is, is the nuclear core that powers the Catholic faith. Maybe that should be a capital “W” Who.

For the last 2,000 years, the Catholics have spurned and burned anybody who even appears to doubt their faithful tenants. Hell, back to the Dark Ages, the Catholics would rip your body into pieces on the rack if you so much as questioned a Church edict.

The Jews, on the other hand, don’t buy any single premise of the foundation of the Catholic religion. Christ was just another nice Jewish boy, a virgin is a virgin, heaven is a confusing concept, and so on. The Jews don’t doubt that Jesus existed, they simply don’t have any faith that he is the prophesied one. Prophesized one? Prophesated, maybe.

Did I get that right?

But, even though the Jews think the entire Catholic experience is based on a bunch of balderdash, it’s OK for them to camp-out in our Sacred building over to St. Louis of France Church. Even though the Jews think we Catholics are totally full of liturgical bullshit, they can borrow the facilities. Even though Mel Gibson, a Catholic Man held in high standing, has blamed the Jews for so many of today’s problems, Temple Beth Shalom is still welcome over to St. Louis of France.

However. You support Planned Parenthood? Now you have gone too far!

Are you fucking kidding me?

Am I the only one who thinks this is funny? Say I’m Catholic. You call my entire religion a joke, and that’s OK by me- I’ll welcome you into my home with open arms. But if you support an organization that provides counseling to women and girls, and said counseling offers birth control as one option for preventing unwanted pregnancy, you are not welcome at all.

Or said another way, “It’s OK to crap all over my faith, just don’t stick your pecker into a condom.”

Very funny shit. I have a Catholic buddy and I rag on him every time his church pulls one of these bone-headed stunts. When I called him after reading this story, he answered the phone by saying, “We didn’t know he was on the board of Planned Parenthood, Mooner. Now get off my ass.”

I let a moment of silence pass before I said, “Bobby, you need to think this one through and then call me back.”

Maybe fifteen minutes later he’s on line two. When I pick it up, all I can hear is him laughing. “Well,” I told him, “You seem to have caught my angle on this one,” and I started laughing too.

“Yea, we screwed the pooch, didn’t we.” Then he laughed some more and said, “You know Mooner, I wish we could stop with this all or nothing stuff. It makes us look stupid.”

Bobby is a good man and a good person. Maybe not such a good Catholic in the eyes of his Pope, but the kind of Catholic the church needs if it is to survive another millennium.

“I hate giving any credit to your criticisms of my church, Mooner. But here recently, I can’t find fault in your logic.”

“Keep the faith, baby.” Then I added, “Maybe the next Pope will have compassion as the spark to his mettle.”

Anyway, it’s Friday and that makes tonight Date Night. I didn’t have my ass surgery today- it’s delayed until next week, so I’m planning to take SAC Ellen someplace special. Maybe the Salt Lick for BBQ.

She finally started talking to me, and I don’t want to fuck up, again. I got some flowers and a box of chocolates, and a sickly-sweet greeting card too. I’m going to stop off for SAC Ellen first, then go by Dr. Sam I. Am’s office to pick up the Squirt. I’m not going to make the same mistake as last time, and show to the SACster’s door with the dog in tow.

Nope, I’ve got my priorities straight. And I’ve got the Carta Blanca beer iced in a chest in the trunk, because the Salt Lick has no beer for sale. I haven’t eaten all day so I can get my money’s worth at to the Salt Lick.

Manana, y’all.

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