Contest to Re-name Sandra; Operation a Success


So. Yesterday is over and, therefore, my ass-region’s medical maladies should be over as well. I’m sore back there and still have a slight “weeping”, as Gram would put it. But fuck it, I’m ready to celebrate.

But first I need to say, “Thanks,” to North Austin Surgical Center, and everyone there. This time I want to single out Ashley- new from Dallas and in love with her job, Tanya- Ashley’s training overseer, Renee, Sandra and Dr. Poreddy.

Ashley was what I’d guess you’d call my in-take/prep nurse. Under Tanya’s watchful eye, Ashley asked me all the questions and got me to initial and sign all of the forms needed in modern medicine to perform “procedures”.

Because lawyers have ruined the entire fucking world, it took fifteen minutes to do the forms. If I was God, I would have heaven, hell and Lawyerville. Lawyerville would hold all of the lawyers that I decide care more for themselves than they do the law. Everybody in hell could take out their frustrations on the inhabitants of L’ville in whatever methods they choose.

Ashley is a person I think would make a caring girl buddy. I don’t girlfriend, because I already have SAC Ellen. But she has those caring, doe eyes that set me off, and a very caring way.

Tanya is a very sharp cookie with a keen sense of humor, and the kind of woman that I would get in trouble over. I’m a sucker for a quick wit and a withering stare. But she’s engaged and I might as well be.

In the actual operating room, Renee was my nurse, again. She was my OR nurse for my last butt operation, and she remembered me. I was laying on my side with my ass exposed to the chilled air, trying to decide if this dealie was going to hurt.

“Well if it isn’t my lucky day,” I heard. “I’d recognize that butchered posterior with my eyes closed.”

Before I could maneuver myself to see who it was, she said, “Good morning, Mr. Johnson. How’s your butt doing?”

“Maybe better after today, Renee,” I told her. “It’s good to see you again.”

“Drew short straw, Mooner.” And she chuckled like she thought she was funny.

But the highlight of my entire experience was chatting with Sandra, the Doctor’s assistant, as we got ready for my thingie.

“Sandra,” I said when she introduced herself. “That’s a pretty name.”

“Hate it,” was Sandra’s sharp reply.

“How come,” I asked. “You look like a Sandra to me. Or maybe a Veronica.”

Sandra is Hispanic, pretty face and piercing eyes.

“My daddy named me after his last girlfriend,” she said, and rather clinically.

I tried to think of something to say.

“Well, thank God he wasn’t dating Bertha. Or Hildagard.”

I got the full heat of those piercing eyes, and she said, “That the best you’ve got?”

Sadly it was.

But I got to thinking, how can I help this situation? What might I do to ease her pain?

“How about we have a contest to get you a new name?”

“You’d do that for me?”

I didn’t even need to think about it. “Of course I would. Will.”

So. Here’s the deal. We’re having a contest to find Sandra a new name. No rules except that I’ll give the winner a copy of my book when it comes out, and I’ll publish their name.

This will be fun, right?

Don’t suggest Lupe, Mary, Hortensia or Blancita because those are my suggestion- already refused while I was under the knife.

Make your suggestions by comment, and let’s help Sandra!

Drink Carta Blanca and come back manana, y’all.

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2 Responses to “Contest to Re-name Sandra; Operation a Success”

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