My Name is Mooner and I Pee In Sinks!


So. Now that cat’s out of the bag, maybe I need to explain myself.

It’s true, I pee in sinks. I pee in the sinks out to the ranch; I pee in the sink at my office over to Mooners Compost Plant; I pee in the sinks at restaurants; I pee in the sinks at Public buildings; I likely have peed in your sink if I peed at your house or place of business. I peed in the sink at the Louvre Museum in Paris, I peed in the sink at at the Texas State Capitol, and I peed in the sink at Vivo.

That’s right, my name is Mooner and I pee in sinks.

So what?

And don’t start with the, “But that’s illegal, immoral and just plain stupid bullshit.” I’ve done the research and it is not. Jeff gave me a legal opinion, and save the routine caveats, I’m approved to pee in sinks ad nauseum. That’s tight, as long as it’s appropriately done, sink peeing is legal.

As for immoral, a man’s got to pee somewhere, and the water that drains from a sink ends up in the same pipe that carries the water flushed from commodes. So like Gram says, “Who gives a shit as long as ya clean after yerself?”

And you can just forget the stupid part. If I can flush a pee with less than one cup of water, and it takes the average American 2.2 gallons- who would be the stupid one? Even if you have one of those great Toto one-gallon flushers like I have, the math is fairly simple: one gallon per flush or less than one cup. And think about this- if you wash your hands after peeing in the commode, my way is a Zero water cost method.

Like I say, simple math.

“But Mooner,” Dr. Sam I. Am-Johnson scolded me. “Don’t people notice the smell when they use their sinks after you?”

“I don’t know, Sammy,” I started with a grin, “have you?”

I’ve been peeing in Sammy’s sinks for over a year and she never caught on. Now, of course, she’s trying to catch me and say she can tell. But she can’t. Nobody can because it’s a sanitary method I use.

Nope. If I pee in your sink you’ll never know unless I tell you. OK, maybe CSI Miami could dead reckon me to a guilty verdict, but you know what I mean. The act of washing my hands rinses and sanitizes my ritual, and I wash-up with one cup of water.

My name is Mooner and I am one WaterWise, water saving sonofabitch!

Makes me wants to drink Carta Blanca beer so I can pee some more.

Manana, y’all.

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