Pope Finds Better Marketing- Consults Roman Polanski

 

So. Question– how many Popes does it take to make a compassionate edict, or an intelligent ruling on a modern issue? Answer– we may never know.

I feel somewhat hypocritical when I blast the leaders of the Holy Roman Catholic Church because I was raised Baptist. Baptists think Catholics are not real Christians and that Catholics face a fiery future in a hellish afterlife. In Baptist thinking, Catholics, Muslims and Buddhists will all spend their eternities standing neck deep in the molten fires of hell.

It’s been so long since I attended a Baptist church for anything save my father’s funeral, I can’t remember their position on Jews. For some reason I think Jews have a unique status with the Baptists, since Jesus was a Jew. But that’s plain silly of me to think, as the Baptists believe the only road to heaven is their specific route.

Anyway, I’ll fight through my sense of hypocrisy to bitch about that silly man, the Pope. Having been emboldened by the spike in Q-Rating he got with his recent edicts that child rapists and women priests are on equally bad footing with the Catholic Church, and that condoms are OK to protect a priest from getting AIDS from his paid lovers, plus his recent visit to see his twin Sister and fellow Queen, Elizabeth– the Pope has come out with another dilly of an edict.

The Popester wants us all to know that an embryo, any embryo, is a “nascent being” and that as such, it demands all of the respects and considerations of any other nascent being.

Now me, I had to go to Google and type in, “Define nascent,” to be certain I could grasp the full width and breadth of His Malignancy’s latest pronouncement. I had an idea this was all about abortion and a woman’s right to choose, but I had to look to discover that what the Pope has said is the act of becoming an embryo is the event of birth. As soon as sperm enters egg, presto/chango– a human is born!

That’s right, the act of conception is the event of a birth. Fucking brilliant marketing ploy! I keep telling these Christian lunatics to get better marketing men and it looks like maybe Benedict’s paying some attention. They finally found a way to shove this load of shit down our throats in a way that is difficult to argue against.

This is sort of like that, “When did you stop beating your wife,” dealie. See, I went back to Google to define “birth” so I could get a good fix on the logic that might be twisted into this bullshit. What I found is that one of the definitions for birth is, “… a time when something begins…”

What the Boys’ Club has done here, is they found a way to make abortion a murder by actual definition. Incredible marketing. These fuckballs have found a method to use actual definitions to sanctify and verify their silly actions.

I tip my hat to you, Your Royal Popeness, and if I had a uterus I’d tip that too. Well done sir, well done indeed.

I guess what comes next is the Pope will hire Roman Polanski’s career management team to redefine the words “rape” and “molest”.

I need a Carta Blanca beer. Manana, y’all.

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One Response to “Pope Finds Better Marketing- Consults Roman Polanski”

  1. I tilt tell what hap in your thoughts to write this article but I enjoy reading your words of god….

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