#wonderella Makes Trouble For Mooner; Mooner Is Clueless

 

So. I have a new problem. This one confuses the ever-loving shit right out of me. I can usually figure out why something is wrong if you give me enough time. But I’ve been working on this dealie for several days and I still can’t find a logical reason why I’m in trouble.

Heres the deal. Go to http://nonadventures.com and log-on to The Non-Adventures of Wonderella website. Go right now– I’ll wait for you. Spend an hour or so, and then come back here to see me.

Are you back yet? OK.

So. I started following on Twitter at #wonderella maybe a few months ago and logged-on myself. After I read everything published on the website, I started catching each new strip as it comes out. Then, one day I bought the book from the website.

I really like this comic and the tweets by #wonderella. I like them a lot. I converse about the entire Wonderella empire and tell most everyone I meet to tune in. I haven’t said anything here until now because I have been dealing with a Wonderella-related problem, and I’m quite honestly stumped by it.

To boil this problem down to its essence, about a month ago, I had a Wonderella costume made for SAC Ellen by the guys out to our hemp clothing factory. The boys at If You Can’t Smoke It, Wear It! did a great job. They used the new imitation Lycra fabric we just had patented, and it’s a near duplicate to the one Wonderella wears.

I gave it to SAC Ellen for Christmas. Wrapped in the same box was a bottle of her favorite body lotion, new batteries for her little non-lethal stun gun, and a brown tincture bottle of Gram’s newest potion she calls, Ya Won’t Wunder Where Yer Fella Is Iffn Ya Dose Him With This Right Here.

Squirt and I collaborated with Gram on this one. I wanted something special to give the SACster, and the Squirt wants to spend some extra time with my Gram to make an attempt to understand her.

When I told Gram of my plans and what Squirt desired, Gram said to me, she said, “Who gives a shit, Mooner. Squirt’s a cute little shit and I gotta make the P-cubed a potion fer her rumblanoid moritus anyway. Poor Penelope cain’t lift her arm over her head an it’s hurtin her sexin’.”

P-cubed is Gram’s lifelong best buddy, Penelope Paxton-Parades. My best guess is that the P-cubed is suffering a flare-up of her arthritis, and the lack of flexibility is limiting her conjugal gymnastics.

Anyway, when SAC Ellen opened her present, she asked me, “What the hell is this?”

I told her.

Dr. Sam I. Am-Johnson was present at our Christmas this year and she scheduled me for an extra daily emergency psycho therapy session. We started Christmas day. Just so you know, an “emergency” session is where the good doctor charges me double my regular rate.

I’ve been incurring double-rate sessions often recently, but this one has causes that I’m not quite grasping. It’s not like the SACster and I haven’t role played in the bedroom before.

In today’s emergency therapy session I thought I had a breakthrough. “Oh, I get it,” I said. “SAC Ellen thought I wanted her to take Gram’s potion.”

Perfect logic in my mind. As a Special Agent in Charge for the US Department of Homeland Security, my lover can’t partake of my grandmother’s hallucinogenic concoctions. Makes perfect sense.

“Mooner,” Dr. Sam I. Am responded, “you are clueless. That will be $400.00, your time is up.”

That was an hour ago. Squirt was waiting for me in reception, so I grabbed her and we headed to the lake for a little fishing. Squirt loves to go fishing. She also loves Carta Blanca beer and almost as much as I do. I was just reading her one of the old Spenser novels by Robert Parker while we sat and waited for a bite. It was the book where Spenser meets Paul, the young man Spenser takes to train in how to be a man.

The two of them went to a Mexican place for dinner and Spenser drank a few cold Carta Blanca beers. Just like the Squirt and me.

I can’t get this problem off my mind. If any of you guys can figure it out, let me know. Manana, y’all.

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