Texas Budget Sucks; Rick Perry Too


So. Let’s talk budgets. I’m a businessman, and budgets form the foundation upon which good decisions can build strong bones. On your balance sheet.

OK, before you start-in on me, I admit it. I’m an ADHD-addled redneck leftie who has been lucky in business because my best friend and business partner, Streaker Jones, is a genius entrepreneur. I get it that my successes have been pinned to the smarts of one Streaker Jones, and not my keen decision making.

Doesn’t change the raw facts. I’m a businessman, and budgets are the foundation for financial stabilites.

Now you’ll start with the, “Don’t you mean ‘stability’, dumbass?”

“No,” I’ll respond. “What-the-fuck would you call more than one stability?”

Me– stabilities works just fine. As an example, one stability is that good budgeting brings is understanding; a second stability is peace of mind; a third is discipline; a fourth might be continuity of workforce; and a fifth might be unabated financing at reasonable rates from your bank. And a sixth might be that you won’t wake up broke one morning and have it be a surprise. Each of these stabilities is reliant upon making and following good budgetizing. Budgerations, maybe.

And do not even start with the feeble argument that the above-mentioned list are simply factors that can lead to a single stability. If that’s how you logicalize, you’re way past the ability to reason, and you’re likely a right-wing religious Republican fuckball.

To you I say, “Bite my ass, log-off my bloggie, and go suck Rush Limbaugh’s limp dick.”

To the rest of you, allow me to explain. Let’s take the budget situation of the great state of Texas, a governmental institution that has been run and orchestrated by the fine minds of the Republican party for the last dozen-plus years.

Swept into ever-increasing numbers of elected legislative seats with promises of, “No new taxes, reduced spending and balanced budgets,” we Texans find ourselves in quite a budgetary pickle. Two years ago, as the most recent elections geared-up, Texas Republican Governor Rick “Little Ricky” Perry bragged that in the midst of the financial ruin suffered by other states and the federal government, the fine Republican conservative minds of Texas had managed a $4 billion State budget surplus. Democrats, and other more honest people in the know, questioned the veracity of Little Ricky’s bold statements.

I think Streaker Jones said it best when he asked, “How inna fuck kin ya eat more an ya grow an git leftovers?”

Brilliant question, Streaker Jones, and dead-on target. How indeed can we keep spending more when our income diminishes? To have purchased that bullshit during the last election cycle, you would need to choke down the concept that the Republicans can pull $27 billion out of a hat.

Or their asses. The same asses from whence their brains lie. Maybe that should be from whence their brains lay. That whole grammar dealie throws me.

Now me, I got myself a little hint that mayhaps, just mayhaps, Little Ricky might have been lying about the $4 billion budget surplus a few years before. I think we had a clue that the Republican Boy’s Club were no smarter as a group than they are as independent thinkers. Oh for shitsakes, was Little Ricky “laying” about the surplus?

See, in 2007, mearly two years befor the bold $4 billion surplus statement, the Rick Perry-appointed Directors of the Texas Department of Transportation (TxDOT) made a startling discovery. To almost quote the head TxDOT shitball, “We have ‘lost’ approximately $2 billion from our budget.”

Now again this is just me, but I think that if you tell me you’ve lost $ 2 billion, I’m going to question any further representations you might make re: budgets. I’ll go all Missouri on your ass and say, “Show me!”

But not here in Texas, where right-wing religious pablum is the earwax that seals-off our redneck brains, inhibiting oxygen flow to our brains which rapidly destroys our ability to question. We elected an even higher percentage of our officials from the conservative tea-bagger leaning fascist faded-gene pool.

I wish I had something clever to say about this, but those of you who get my side of things don’t want to laugh at this no-laughing matter. And the ones who don’t get it, won’t get it.

They’ll get neither the jokes, nor the budgetary fuckscape.

I’d go fishing with the Squirt if it wasn’t so damned cold. Escape from my budgeted miseries to Nature’s calming breasts.

Need Carta Blanca beer. Manana, y’all.

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5 Responses to “Texas Budget Sucks; Rick Perry Too”

  1. Streaker Jones says:

    Fer shitsakes, Mooner. Wyant cha editize yer bloggie? I git yer points, but tha fuckin typos drive me bonks.

  2. admin says:

    What, are you applying for the job?

  3. squatlo says:

    There you go again, trying to use logic and rational thought to explain Rick Perry and the Texas-style budget blather. I could save you a lot of trouble with this one little suggestion: don’t think. It just confuses you when you think. Whenever you think, you find problems like this to worry about, realize your state has been led by Merchants of Evil for so long that they oughta change the state slogan to Loan Scam State… And the sad fucking thing is you guys keep sending these trolls to DC where they convince other idiots to take their creative mathematics seriously.
    I’m thinking we need that border fence after all, not on the southern edge of Texas, but the northern one… We’d open the gate once a week for the Carta Blanca trucks, then slam that bitch shut before any more of you could make it to Washington.

  4. admin says:

    Stop already, my teeth ache from laughing. I think the term “share the wealth with those less fortunate” is operative in this case.

    And by the way– FUCK RICK PERRY!

  5. Progressive American Atheist says:

    First of all, you can take the entire state of Texas and shove it! All of those cowboy booted good ol’ boys, noses buried deep in their bibles, limited educations, war mongering W supporters….. yeah, you’ve got a nut job for governor! Prick Perry is exactly the kind of cretin this country needs to be rid of in government. Trying to chip away at the right for a women to choose, attempting to pull the stops on embryonic stem cell research, rather to apply his bogus christian fundamentals and fuck up this nation with his puritan belief system. Well, FUCK YOU Rick Perry! FUCK YOUR “god,” FUCK YOUR religion and FUCK ANY “god” believing cretin that doesn’t know their ass from a hole in the ground!

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