Aloha Hawaii, And Aloha!


So. I’ve been busy with personal stuff and not keeping up with the rest of the world. I’ve been vaguely aware of all the unrest that has spread across the Middle East. It seems that the desire to fight oppressive governments is spreading faster than cold sores at Mardi Gras.

I find these political uprisings interesting. Scary and confusing, both as-all-hell, but interesting. As a baby boomer, I am too young to have ever heard the truth about any international situation. After Adolf Hitler taught the world how to spin the truth, there has been no reported truth. Heir Hitler called it “propaganda”. We call it Fox News.

But I find it difficult to calibrate my measurements of Fox’s reporting on my soon-to-be patented Mooner Johnson’s Lie-O-Meter. My new truth detection device requires a baseline measurement of absolute truth.

Not only can’t I find the truth, I don’t know that I would recognize it if it bit me on my gorgeous butt. Knowing that truth makes me crazy.

However, there is one bit of news from today’s Austin American Statesman that makes me proud to be an American. A mixed-race, multi-cultural backgrounded American. I discovered this morning that at least one state in our fine union has a legislature whose majority are actual caring humans.

Hawaii, America’s Polynesian land grab southern-most state, just made it legal to marry into any family you choose without any genetic conditions. Sexual organs will neither qualify, nor disqualify, a person from legal matrimony.


Leave it to our country’s most culturally-diverse state to give us the smartest legislation in two years. I guess it takes all of that diversity to overcome prejudice. It must be hard to hate anyone when you get hated at so often.

But let me say this. I do not understand how people who eat poi can do anything smart. Ingesting wall paper paste kills brain cells. This one time I got drunk on my honeymoon over to Hawaii with now ex-wife number seven, and managed to gag down an entire bowl of poi. A week later, I had a garden hose jammed up my ass to loosen the impaction.

Maybe Fox will use poi as the tool to provide negative spin to this wonderful news. I can see the headline:

“Poi-Pounders Ponder Political Pothole. Glue-brained Hawaiians allow gays to cement relationships.”

Fucking Fox News.

I have always loved the Hawaiian people, except for the weirdos on that bounty hunter TV show. I had great times and met good people everywhere and on every island. Hawaiians are even friendly when they disagree. I guess any culture that uses the same word to say both, “Hello and Goodbye,” has to be friendly.

I know that when I am unsure if I’m going or coming I try to remain friendly. Why don’t we have a word like aloha in English?

Anyway, “Aloha Hawaii, and aloha, job well done.” Now let’s all raise our frosty-cold Carta Blanca beers in a salute to our brightest state.

Manana, y’all. [Aloha!!!]

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8 Responses to “Aloha Hawaii, And Aloha!”

  1. I don’t trust Fox News! They’ve been trippin for a long time now. I don’t watch tv much anymore ( except for the occasional episode of Jersey Shore…kill me) What’s going down on the other side of the world scares the hell out of me. A part of me is worried for everyone over there, but mainly my selfish ass is scared about what it might mean for us over here. I’m just super paranoid!

  2. Squatlo says:

    Being a fan of Kurt Vonnegott Jr.’s Slaughterhouse-Five, the traditional Hawaiian greeting of “Aloha” has always reminded me of the Tralfamadorian greeting, roughly translated into earthspeak as “Hello/Farewell… Hello/Farewell…”

    Finding absolute truth in today’s world would be harder than finding three wise men and a virgin at the CPAC convention, or finding an intelligent comment directly attributed to Ann Coulter or Glenn Beck.

    One of these days we’re going to look back on the gay rights issue in America with the same shame and revulsion we currently feel about slavery and segregation. It’s a civil rights issue, not a religious one, and it’s the only remaining political apartheid we’ll openly endorse. Those who are proudly homophobic today will be reviled as bigots as surely as we view the KKK of the 50’s/60’s.
    Pretty sad how eagerly folks want to be listed publicly among the bigots of history, isn’t it? Especially when they cloak their intolerance in Biblical verses and wrap it in a Chinese manufactured American flag from Walmart.

    Drink Carta Blanca and tell Rick Perry to go fuck himself…

  3. You know, Mooner, the Filipinos (another crazy “island bunch”) have a similar word: Mabuhay. I think it’s tropical blood. Makes tolerance easier – because it’s always so fucking hot…you just say, “Yah…sounds good.” Too hot to put up a fight for anything ridiculous. We, of the archipelagos, know that. But, when it’s worth fighting for….watch OUT!

    Aloha, Mabuhay, and the neepular info is still on lockdown…

  4. admin says:

    T-cat. Can’t blame you. I’m getting where I don’t like my fellow countrymen. Thry’re assholes.

  5. admin says:

    Squat. Well said. Valerie Perrine still does it for me. Favorite line, “But… she drives a Cadillac.” Second favorite line(s), “Billy, I’m gonna lose so much weight for you.”

  6. admin says:

    Reck. OK, first, I like mabuhay. “Mabuhay, baaaby!” Second, I can’t understand why you are so unreasonable about my research. What if I could cure cancer?

  7. Squato says:

    So many great lines in that movie (and book…)
    “Nobody fucks with Paul Lazarro!”
    “Poor old Edgar Derby…”
    “There will be no talking to Germans. When the war is over, then we will talk!”
    “If anybody ever asks you what the sweetest thing in life is, it’s revenge…”
    “…one of these days, years from now, there’s gonna be a knock at his front door, and when he opens the door there’s gonna be a stranger there. ANd the stranger is gonna say, ‘Paul Lazarro sent me’ and then he’s gonna shoot off his pecker… and he’s gonna give him a few seconds to think about who Paul Lazarro is and what life’s gonna be like without a pecker, then he’s gonna shoot him once in the gut and walk away.”
    “Your not gonna be a mama’s boy all your life… It’s sink or swim, Billy-boy!”
    “We’d like the night canopy, please.”
    “Are you mating now?”
    “Time travel’s a bitch for you, isn’t it, Billy?”
    “Let’s see if Mama Montana can keep you right here for a little while.”
    So it goes… (and in the background Glenn Gould plays the Brandenburg Concertos and Goldberg Variations…)

    George Roy Hill directed that movie (along with Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid/The Sting, and a couple others)
    and it will always be my absolute favorite film of all time. Maybe you can tell…

  8. admin says:

    Squat. Best ever made. I think the opening scene is the most beautiful in film. I became Billy Pilgrim the first time I watched.[might have been Gram’s potions]

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