Dealies And Thingies, Volume 2 (Vol. II)

 

So. The Squirt and I just returned from four hours of kitty cat vetting. I realize that I have more observations to share with you. I’ll start my numbering anew because I’ve been getting complaints for my numerical methods, used on prior occasions, the smartness of said methodologies aside. I hereafter give you today’s observations, Volume Two (maybe that should be Vol. II):

  1. Texas governor and head Republican fuckwad, Rick “Little Ricky” Perry, has recently spent state taxpayer money to calculate just how many legal abortions have been performed in the US of A in the time since Roe Vs Wade. Answer, +/- 50 million. I’m sure Little Ricky will have another emergency bill sponsored to remedy that situation, and whatever it is the bill will do will be accomplished with “NO NEW TAXES”. But this requires me to wonder something. T-cat had a nifty posting over to her bloggie this morning about women’s periods– that time each month when billions of women from all over the globe abort their near-fetus/almost baby eggs. Women abort these almost grown children (disguised as unfertilized eggs) without any remorse, zero religious counseling and never the first visit from Catholic Anti-Abortion Protest lady. I demand we have a bill placed before our state legislature for emergency passage. My emergency bill will make it illegal and unlawful for any woman to abort her unborn eggs without first undergoing an ultrasound, religious counseling, Bible study, and scolding by someone’s father. I, for one, am sick and tired of women killing all of these potential near-humans and instead of feeling/showing remorse for the rampant death-squad murders, what do women do? THEY BITCH ABOUT IT!!! Women must be stopped. When will we end the carnage?
  2. When we left to go kitty cat vetting, I was wondering how I would tell if a particular cat was choosing me/us. Actually, I was wondering how to get the cat to choose Dr. Sam I. Am. So, we went downtown to the very popular Town Lake Greenbelt, which is actually the Lady Bird Lake Greenbelt, and we spread three blankets on the grass. Squirt picked a good spot– between a wooded area near the trail, but away from the street. We set out our photos and opened the cans of kitty foodstuffs, and I took some of the catnip and sprinkled it on the panties, footwear and the sheets…………………. Holy fucking shit! How many stray cats live down to Lady Bird Lake Greenbelt anyway? They swamped us. It was like one of those National Geographic dealies where this one cheetah catches a wildebeest and then a pride of lions decides to take it away. I wish I hadn’t brought Sam’s undies. My blankets are ruined– full of mangy cat hair and slashes from when the cats gained purchase to tug at the foodstuffs. Squirt tried to talk to them, but they just ignored her. Dixie told us it might be that way. Cats can be aloof. Need a new game plan.
  3. I was playing poker on the I-net last night and I got knocked out just before the money in this tournament when I finally got pocket aces. Asshole calls me with Queen-4 off-suit, and rivered the straight 3-to-7. Ugh. Three hours of grinding away and, poof.
  4. I keep forgetting to thank everyone for reading my silly shit. Thanks.
  5. If my Gram doesn’t get herself laid soon, I will slit my own throat. Anybody know of any college-age boys with a strong constitution and a love for fast cars? I don’t care where they live. I’ll ship them here from Kalamazoo to get her some nookie. Her Ferrari is in the shop to repair all of the damage she did driving on the icy roads last week, and I won’t get insurance for her to drive any of our other cars. Last night she says to me, she says, “Aw come on Mooner, ya little shit. Alls I’m askin is fer you ta take tha P-cubed an me down to Aggieland fer a few hours. We’ll catch us a ride back.” I could only answer her with, “Gram, no way will I do it. Every time I take you to drop you off for some sexing I end up in jail. No thank you.”
  6. Still no call from Carta Blanca beer headquarters. Manana, y’all. (this time for certain”
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2 Responses to “Dealies And Thingies, Volume 2 (Vol. II)”

  1. Yo – did you know Peachy gave you an MVP award? Something to do with having a penis. I dunno. Check it out:
    http://thepeachy1.blogspot.com/2011/02/super-blog-bowl-sunday-mvp-awards.html

  2. admin says:

    Reck. Thanks for the heads up. I read her MVP Awards bloggie three times and didn’t see my name until you told me. My ADHD causes me to skip while reading. I’m honored. Unless I read it wrong, you were likewise mentioned! Congrats!

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