The New Dark Age For Texas; Fuck Rick Perry!


So. I’m almost to the point where I’m so embarrassed to be a Texan that I want to claim a new home. It has gotten so bad around here that I don’t want to claim my home state as home. We have been enduring the budget cuts of our business-first legislature and their ham-fisted slashing of education budgets for months. The legislature, fueled by the rhetoric of Governor Rick “We Don’t Need No Education” Perry, have been implementing their from-the-top-downward program to squeeze the smarts out of our kids brains.

“What are they bitchin’ bout, Martha. We buy ’em their fucking books, fer shitsakes,” seems to be the battle cry of our right-wing Christian lawmakers.

And now our school children are getting ass-fucked by the Texas Board of Education with their revisionist views of history printed in those “fucking” books we give them.

Hey everybody, did you ever hear the one about that nifty junior Senator from Wisconsin, the right reverend Joseph McCarthy? Did you realize that he was, and here I’ll quote a Texas school book, “… a man ahead of his time…”

Sonofabitch! And here I am thinking that old Red-baiting Joe was an asshole. My version of history is that Joe was a man who; hid from military service in WWII; bashed gays and liberals and branded them as commies [all the while wishing he knew old J. Edgar liked to play dress-up too]; and lied and lied and lied to get his ugly fucking mug on the evening news.

There’s more, like, “Thomas Jefferson? Thomas Jefferson……? Don’t think I ever met him.”

But here’s the killer. In order for students to move ahead in school and in order for schools to get funding and accreditation, kids must pass the TEKS test. That folks, is the infamous Texas Essential Knowledge and Skills test.

OK, I’m too pissed to become my usual verbose self here, so I’ll be quick. During the original Dark Ages, if you were suspected of any sort of heretical thoughts or behaviors, you were punished and/or killed. Say a guy were to tell his Inquisitor, “I don’t think God had sex with a Virgin and then she bore a son and was still a Virgin afterwards.”

“Off with his head, the heretic,” was the verdict.

In today’s Dark Age of Texas we say this:

“Study and learn my twisted version of history, boy, and learn it good. You are going to be tested, and if you fail………….”

Mother fuckers. Mother fucking asswipe right-wing Christian shithead truth killers.

Fuck Rick Perry.

I’m close to renouncing my state citizenship. Then I’d likely be stateless, since nobody else would take me. Hell, the powers that be around here are waiting to celebrate my just saying, “NO more!” to Texas.

I need a Carta Blanca beer. Did I say, “Fuck Rick Perry?”

Ugh, ugh and ugh. Manana, y’all.

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9 Responses to “The New Dark Age For Texas; Fuck Rick Perry!”

  1. Squato says:

    What’s the old quote about dissenters? They’re better patriots than those who go along knowing the country’s wrong?
    Hang in there Mooner, Texas needs thinkers. You can’t just run to Illinois like some Democratic Senator from Madison, you know!

    Listen, for what it’s worth, kids don’t remember any of that shit any longer than it takes them to pass the fucking tests required by Curious George (No CEO Left Behind George) so misinformation won’t be stuck in their impressionable little minds for long, regardless.
    And McCarthy WAS ahead of his time… he’d be a commentator of Faux News today, sharing a blackboard with Lonesome Rhodes Beck and sipping lattes with Sarah Blunderwoman Palin on political panels. He’s the epitome (pronounced EPP-a-Tome for you Texas kiddies…) of the right wing conservative Christian these days: loud, shrill, and wrong about every fucking thing…

    Have a Carta Blanca, come see my rants, and chill until I can get back to you with some helpful advice.

    Fuck Rick Perry, indeed, and Scott Walker, too. (oh, and I posted a pic of your CAPCHA problems in today’s guano pile)

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  3. From what I’m hearing, Rick Perry needs a baseball bat stuck up his ass! I’ma tell you the same thing I told Squatlo: I love your blog because you keep us ‘ignorant folks’ like me informed 😉 I’ll be hitting up both your blogs around election time!

  4. admin says:

    Squat. Disheartening bullshit. Need beer! Cerveza Carta Blanca!

  5. Is it the same thing when I give my kid MY “skewed” version of history? Like, trolls live under bridges and they have notebooks to keep track of all of the naughty kids’ behavior? And if need be, we can always stop at a bridge to see how long it would take a troll to come and snatch him up? Or the version of history wherein I inform him that his Papa (my dad, who was in the Army) was one of the greatest soldiers EVER to walk the face of the earth, but he’s not on any statues or in any books because Papa doesn’t like to draw attention to himself like that, nevertheless…Papa was a KICK ASS soldier? I skew my kid’s history lessons all of the time. The only difference between me and Ricky Perry and his cronies is that I’m correct. BAHAHA! And just for you, Mooner, I’m going to skew it a little more for my little dude and tell him that Carta Blanca beer is one of the finest beverages available (even though I don’t know this personally, and I have my ‘druthers on the cerveza selection! I’m rockin’ Abita Strawberry Harvest Lagers this…those Cajuns might be hillbillies, but they know a shit ton about food and beverage!).

  6. admin says:

    Reck. You aren’t skewing history. You’re augmenting your son’s family history and giving him perspective. You start telling him his Pops read in the Bible that it says Rick Perry should decide how to live his life….

  7. Bill says:

    What a waste of sperm you are, mooner. lol.

    Mooner el douchebag-o

  8. admin says:

    Bill. Wow. You really put me my place with your smart logic and argument. Why don’t you take Rick Perry’s dick out of your mouth and say something intellegent?

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