Hocus Pocus, I Got My Focus; Kurt Vonnegut At Fault

 

So. I’ve had another Ah-ha! Moment, another epiphany if you will allow me a little literary latitude. I have uncovered the root causal impetus for my recent ADHD melt-down.

Starting last Friday night, a week ago, I started fritzing. Fritzing is when my normal jumble of thoughts and unfocused action/reaction responses to stimuli become super agitated. Imagine the million of so sperm hanging out in a man’s ball sack and nether regions when he has a sexual thought. All the little swimmers are down there in a state of high alertness, crammed together with little wiggle room for each.

If you looked at the little buggars through a microscope, you would see some activity and you could sense the pent-up tension, but most of the spermies are docile and but a few are agitated and seeking attention.

That’s the thoughts in my normal ADHD-addled brain. Like all of the many sperm (sperms?) in a nut sack, my thoughts are simultaneously abundant in population and with only several fighting for the attention of my focus.

Brain fritz is when the entire reservoir of my thoughts start pushing to the forefront of my conscious mind. Imagine of sack full of sperm after they just got the message to, “Prepare for launch!”

That would be my ADHD-addled brain on the fritz.

In a speech to her colleagues some years back, Dr. Sam I. Am-Johnson described my thoughts as follows, “In this particular adult male patient I can best describe my feelings as his therapist by telling you it is like working with a bathtub full of red wiggler worms. My attempts to find a tangible line of treatment is akin to identifying the fattest worm in the tub.”

Bitch.

But she’s right. Brain fritz is awful. Identifying it’s root causes is satisfying. And because last week’s episode of fritz was significant, having discovered the cause is most gratifying.

Last Friday, I picked up Kurt Vonnegut’s masterpiece Hocus Pocus. Since its first printing in 1990, I have read it maybe thirty times. My copy’s pages are stained and well worn from my readings.

Since 1990, I have had approximately thirty incidences of major league brain fritz. I didn’t put this together until last night when I picked up the book to start where I left off last Friday, when I went off the deep end.

I got maybe two sections into my rereading before my brain started misfiring. If you don’t know Hocus Pocus, Kurt uses a unique writing style wherein he compartmentalizes thoughts into segments– most short and some longer sections, and then he organizes the sections, which are segregated in the book.

The segments dance from subject-to-subject and bounce around in time. This book it written like I think. All helter-skelter and hocus pocus.

When I told Dr. Sam I. Am-Johnson about this in my regular therapy session, she says to me, she says, “Wow Mooner, now you know what it’s like for those of us who must put up with you.”

I told you she’s a bitch.

“Bitch,” I called her.

“Look, you are catching additional ADD from the book in the same way we catch ADHD from you. Your contagious ADHD is contagious to you.”

Then she starts laughing maniacally.

“Bitch.”

Basically, it seems that I’m allergic to myself when I encounter behavior patterns that mimic my brain. How fucking sick is that?

But I caught the problem early and knowing it was caught has limited damages. I’m feeling really good. Reckmonster is getting back into the dating scene and I want to help her. I think she needs to have all of her potential dates get on the Skype machine with me and do an interview. I need to assist her in weeding that garden.

Holy shit do I feel good. I’mma have myself a frosty cold Carta Blanca beer.

Manana, y’all.

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10 Responses to “Hocus Pocus, I Got My Focus; Kurt Vonnegut At Fault”

  1. Squato says:

    Okay, you can’t go blaming the best author of the 20th Century for your misfiring synapses… even if Vonnegott is the cause. Just not right, he’s not here to defend himself from this slanderous outrage, and I’m too drunk to do it for him.

    I came over here to thank you (truly) for smacking down the troll who posted as Anonymous (what a shitty moniker) on my site. Having been out of the orifice for a while I was unaware that my motives had been insulted, so it was nice to read a slap down before I’d actually had to write my own. Well damn done. I’ll consider it my job to bitch slap anyone who farts around with your integrity if I happen upon their comments before you do. But wait, you moderate yours, and I just let anyone who wants to rant, rant. So if you don’t approve of the noise, no one else reads it. As Emily Latilla would say, “Nevermind…”

    Speaking of books and authors that inspire lunacy (didn’t you bring it up?) I once loaned a friend a copy of a book of Nostradamus’ predictions, thinking he’d find it amusing. Set him off and damn near got him locked up. A few weeks later I turned him on to the music and lyrics of Tori Amos, and he last it completely and ended up locked up in psychiatric care in Nashville. The good news is, he was unable to use the Tori Amos ticket he had purchased and I got to see her show for free. One of the best acoustic concerts I ever saw, and it was at the Ryman Auditorium, the original home of the Grand ol Opry in Nashville. He’s since recovered, has written a book detailing the extent of his insanity, and is on the streets as I type this, with restraining orders issued from a dozen different people, radio DJs, and various churches in the community. Glad I could help.

    Mooner, you’re okay. And don’t worry about Reckem’s dating future. She’s got her own way of weeding out the trolls, and I’m pretty sure it’s sufficient. She’s a hard-nosed little spitting cobra, if I’m any judge of character at all.

    Stay thirsty, my friend.

  2. OMG, Mooner, You are SOOOO the whacked out older bro I never had!! I feel like you’re family, mannnnn!!! If I DID have an older brother, I just KNOW he would be as nuts and as totally fucking cool as you are! You crack me the fuck up! If a dude can pass the Mooner test, I just KNOW he’d have to be a keeper!!

  3. I’m with My Sista Reck! Mooner is our wacked out older brother lol! I need to have mooner around to do bullshit screening on the people I meet!!!! lol

  4. admin says:

    Squat. OK, first, let me say that the Kurtster is one of my fav’s. But go get your copy of Hocus Pocus and read a chapter. Then come back to tell me it doesn’t fritz you.

    Second, I hate those spineless bastards who spout some innane bullshit they heard in church or over to Rush Limbaugh’s (the pig). I won’t post that shit here anymore. I get a few dozen of those silly fucking comments every day. Sometimes more. Hell, I’ll let a trackback through if he’ll say something interesting.

    Third, I can’t help but feel the need to assist the Reckster. If I can’t have her, I don’t want some asshole to mess with her.

  5. admin says:

    Reck. I have already started my list of vetting questions on Postie Notes. Question number one. “Do you have a name for your pecker that reflects your self image?” Rotten motherfuckers. I’ll teach them to mess with my baby.

  6. admin says:

    T-cat. Bring tha bitches on down. Austin rocks and Houston is a humid mofo. Great town even if it molds your undies.

  7. Just a note to let you know about a book blog I’ve started with a different twist: “Writing Kurt Vonnegut.” Every Saturday, I post another excerpt from my notebook as Vonnegut’s biographer— profiles of the people I met, the difficulties encountered, and the surprises, such as finding 1,500 letters he thought he had lost forever. It’s a blog written in episodes about being a literary detective.

    “Writing Kurt Vonnegut” is only three weeks old but has already been linked to from GalleyCat, 3 Quarks Daily, the Book Bench, the Rumpus, Identity Theory, Maud Newton, and Litopia. It’s receiving several hundred hits a day.

    Perhaps you’d like to give it a look at http://www.writingkurtvonnegut.com

    All the best,

    Charles J. Shields
    And So It Goes: Kurt Vonnegut, A Life (Holt, November 2011)

  8. admin says:

    Charles. Thanks for the info, I’ll check it out. KV is my hero.

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