Rick Perry, Prick; I R Better


So. Thanks for all the cards and letters wishing me well and to get better soon. I’ve been all fucked up and crazy for a week or so, and it culminated with a major brain fritz yesterday.

“Would you like a side of fried synapses with your scrambled brains, Sir?”

I allowed myself to become overwhelmed and I didn’t realize what was happening. I think what snapped me out of it was reading that ADHD is not a legitimate malady. There was an article by some psychiatrist who stated that Attention Deficit Disorders are nothing more than simple lazinesses. ADHD is simply the manifestations of a lazy mind and not a mental disorder.

That’s right folks, I’m lazy. I’m not crazy, I’m lazy.

OMFG!!! I’m not really crazy, I’m just lazy.

OK, so you know me and the dictionary, we are quite intimate friends. Lovers even. Leticia Browningwell was a teacher/tormentor of Streaker Jones and my young self with her Baptist-slanted course plans back to junior high school. Her attempts to turn eighth grade into an extended version of Vacation Bible School caused the two of us boys to become excellent looker-uppers of actual definitions of words.

That crazy old windbag would twist every lecture into a Sunday School lesson and make definitions of words to suit her pastoral manipulations. Streaker Jones and I would call her on things by quoting from the big Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary that always sat on a pedestal in the corner of the classroom back to junior high.

Having been accused of being lazy by Mrs. Browningwell on many occasions as a kid, I can still quote you Webster’s first definition of “lazy” by heart. “Disinclined to activity or exertion.”

Or in other words, a lazy person is a person who chooses to avoid activity. That, folks, does not describe a single sufferer of the ADHD whom I have ever met. (that is a “whom” situation from the verbiage position, right?)

I have met many sufferers of ADHD and ADD who can’t accomplish completed tasks. I have met sufferers who jump from task to task and half-ass all of them. My very own grandfather, Gram’s dearly departed husband, couldn’t carry a conversational subject for a minute before he was changing subjects.

I think Grandaddy had the same version of ADHD as I have, and that he is my direct link to the malady. He was the hardest working man I ever met. He was always working on something or doing something. He was the polar opposite of the definition of the word lazy.

Even though I have managed to organize much of the hyperactivity part out of my illness, I’m still quite active and almost continually I am exerting at something. OK, wait. Do you exert at things, or do you exert things or maybe do you have things that exert you?

Whateverthefuck, I’m not a constant exerter like my grandfather, but I’m a close second place.

However, I would like to embrace the part of that stupid doctor’s ideas that says I’m not crazy. If I’m not crazy, it’s a whole new world out there. But once again, Mr. Webster foils a hypothesis. I give you the following few definitions of the word “crazy”:

  1. Bizarre.
  2. Brain-sick.
  3. Deranged or possibly dangerous.
  4. Intensely enthusiastic or engaged.
  5. Senseless or impracticable.
  6. Unusual random behaviors.
  7. Infatuated with the imaginary.

Now. Correct me if I’m wrong, but my statistics course in college taught me that a 100% result has a high statistical accuracy. I’m sort of thinking that if I resemble sever-out-of-seven definitions of crazy, there might exist, at least the slight chance that I AM crazy.

You might ask, and rightly so, “Mooner, my man. How can you feel better by proving that you are crazy when you have been called simply lazy?”

Because it explains things. I’m a person who is far better settled with knowing the truth, even if the truth is unsettling. If I acted crazy and did crazy shit and I wasn’t crazy– how fucking crazy would that be?

What if my life was a series of purposeful choosings to do stupid shit, and not the random fuckups of a man attempting to always do the right thing(s).

What if I have always thought I was making good decisions when actually I was avoiding making the right decisions because I’m lazy. What if I have the same insane revisionist sense of history as Governor Perry?

I’ll stop now because this whole thing is getting out of control and I’m just too lazy to keep going. Let me summarize and say this. I feel better, I have regained my sense of self and I have renewed faith in man.

So, drink Carta Blanca beer and FUCK PRICK PERRY!!!

Manana, y’all.

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One Response to “Rick Perry, Prick; I R Better”

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