Senator Hutchison Raises Politi-speak To New Levels; FRP

 

So. First, I spoke with my web design guy, Dustin, and he’s going to fix things here on Thursday. Dustin is the guy who designed my site and he says he can fix the problems without killing it first and starting over. Bear with me two more days and we’ll get shit straight.

Next, Texas US Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison has set a new mark for political doublespeak. In an effort to get some attention away from Prick Perry, our esteemed governor, Miz Hutchison posted an opinion in today’s Austin American Statesman titled, “Cutting government spending is fiscally responsible”.

It isn’t the silly title of her Op-Ed that caught my attention even though its obviousness is silly. And while I read her little ditty cover-to-cover, the paper tried to save me the effort by windowing the crux of the matter. To quote the Hutchster:

“I support cutting discretionary spending while carefully prioritizing investment in areas of strategic national importance. … While lawmakers in Congress continue to debate a sustainable federal budget. I am calling for immediate congressional action to find cost savings.”

Holy fucking shit, was that insightful, riveting rhetoric. Never has so much intellect been so well contained with careful word craft. I need Squatlo to dissect that one and spoon feed it to me in chewable bites. And why do we capitalize Congress but not congressional? Same congregation of numb-nuts each way.

Look, I’m college educated, well read and can walk and chew gum simultaneously, but that one is a classic. I know that liberal politicians say silly shit all the time, but this one just slays me.

Uh, Senator Huckleberry, other than cuts to health care, education, Social Security and Planned Parenthood, precisely what cuts do you have in mind? You yak about how you went to Secretary Gates about cutting his budget for support bases for our stupid military operations across the globe, but where the fuck is your request to end the silly fucking military operations?

Ugh. This is so silly that you managed to take my mind off my CAPTCHA problems here to my bloggie. So, “Thanks for the diversion, Senator.”

After spacing out and forgetting Squirt was digging worms for our planned fishing trip yesterday, the little nearly-my-puppy is still pissed. Every time I get near her she calls me an asshole. Early this morning when I fed her breakfast, her first words to me were, “Kont gat, trou du cul, poll asal, asno butas, ano, Arschloch, ass lyuk, … shiro punda!”

“Wow,” I replied. “You just called me asshole in seven different languages. But why not Spanish?”

Squirt eyed me suspiciously. “Culo agujero!”

I had to ask.

I talked her into making a trip to the animal shelter to see if any cats or kittens wanted to adopt us. Finding a cat for Dr. Sam I. Am-Johnson is the one remaining condition to mt adoption of the Squirt. We looked at maybe fifty cats and got nothing more than cold shoulders and spits with hisses.

I don’t get the entire cat thingie. But I guess I don’t need to as long as I can get one to adopt me.

Squirt hasn’t called me an asshole for the last thirty minutes so I’m ready to celebrate with a cold Carta Blanca beer. Later, we’re picking SAC Ellen up to go down to Sixth Street to party for Mardis Gras. Austin has a great Mardis Gras party downtown.

Manana, y’all.

Print Friendly

One Response to “Senator Hutchison Raises Politi-speak To New Levels; FRP”

  1. Squatlo says:

    She’s a real piece of work, Mooner. Yet another reason for responsible voters to abandon Texas.

Leave a Reply