Zeig Freud! My Cognitive Behaviors Were Punished


So. Let me start this bloggie posting by making the following disclaimer:


“I am not a licensed, trained physician nor am I a highly educated and skilled social worker with mad psycho therapeutic skills. I have no relevant classroom training save and except college psychology courses (taken as part of my courtship of the lovely Samanta Ignatious Amorgeretti, aka Dr. Sam I. Am-Johnson).

What I do have are: thirty years of usually intensive psycho analysis, numerous stays of various lengths at Shoal Creek Mental Hospital, countless research projects and thousands of hours of conversation with psycho therapists.

No animals were harmed in the production of the following opinion.”


OK, so let’s get to it, shall we?

I think that classical Freudian analytical psycho therapy is basically a big pile of dog shit.

There, I said it. “Arf, arf [sound of doggie grunts] {sound of doggie kicking grass and dirt and stuff over a fresh, smoldering pile} arf,” dog wags tail and looks expectantly at owner.

As commonly practiced on American society, Freudian analytical therapy is dog shit.

The reason I say this is that, IN MY PERSONAL OPINION, most therapists who utilize Heir Doctor Freud’s methodologies are using them to treat themselves in the guise of treating innocent patients.

Said another way, most psycho therapists are nut cases in their own rights and the nutty-most are the ones who practice longterm analytical therapies. What happens, again in my humble opinion, is one of those Alfred Hitchcock double twister plot thingies that I’ll call “reverse/inverse transference”.

Transference inversely reversed. Instead of the client (therapists call us “clients” except for when we’re “in hospital” at which time we become “patients”) taking on the therapist’s traits or falling in love with the therapist, the therapist falls in love with the client’s situation. Then the therapist attempts to heal him/herself through watching the client struggle through years of intensive and expensive sessions.

In their defense, analytical therapists will tell you that only when you delve deep-deep-deep into a client’s subconscious will you get to the “actual” cause of their troubles. They will tell you that you must slowly, carefully and painstakingly peel the layers of the client’s onion to expose and TALK TO DEATH any feelings that come up. They will tell you that their method is the only way any person can get well and that EVERY person needs to get well.

Bullshit! Sorry, dogshit! I need to maintain my literary consistencies.

Except for the exceptionally loony, longterm Freudian psycho therapy is good for nobody except the therapist. When I started my therapy sessions thirty years ago, Freud was the only real game in town. In my very first session, it was revealed that I felt my craziness was caused by the combination of having a killer case of the ADHD and the simple fact that I was raped by my Baptist Boy Scout leader as a child.

Flash forward to today and guess what my problems are?

Dr. Sam I. Am-Johnson traded in her Freudian slip for the cognitive approach years ago. She soon determined that helping crazy people adjust to life by working through problems is a far better treatment plan than reducing the client to his primal scream stage. We don’t all need to regress all the way back into the womb to figure out why we’re nuts. Every parent stares their babies naked body for shitsakes. Babies are naked for a very large portion of the time.

But therapists who still cling to Freud’s now archaic practice methods do so with tenacity. They look down their noses at cognitive behavioral therapists. Cognitive behavior therapists help clients identify thoughts and actions that make them feel badly or act badly, and then guide them through options to adjust thinking and changes habits.

Now you might be asking, “Mooner, my man, what is up with this?”

“Simple,” I say. “Last night at dinner I got slapped by an analytical therapist.”

No need to detail it, but I got fed up with this nice lady’s long-winded verbal tribute to Ziggy Freud. At Carta Blanca beer number five I’d had a belly full of it. When the lady made a particularly stupid tribute, I jumped up, clicked my heels together, snapped-out a flat-palmed salute and exclaimed, “Zeig Freud, Zeig Freud, Zeig Freud!”

Likely, I needed the slap. Likelier still, she needs to read this. I happen to know that she is one of my many “closet readers”. Her husband told me.

Manana, y’all.

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12 Responses to “Zeig Freud! My Cognitive Behaviors Were Punished”

  1. OOOOOH MOONER! I am so super proud of you! I actually dig SOME of the Freudian concepts (like the defense mechanisms – but that was Siggy’s daughter, Anna, who honed that shit), but to use it SOLELY for therapy? That’s just dogshit. And honestly – you are correct sir, most therapists ARE fucking nuts themselves. People who work in the mental health field are drawn to it for the self-healing aspect (or to make themselves feel better because they look at other people and say, “Now THAT fucker is crazy. Glad I’m not THAT crazy.”). I say this about therapists – if they haven’t been to therapy themselves – they suck, and even worse – they could do a lot more fucking damage than good. I think a client (or patient) has every right to ask a potential therapist if they have ever gone to therapy themselves – and the really “defensive” suck ass therapists will turn it around on you and say, “Tell me why that’s important for you to know.” And they won’t answer you…but in doing so, you’ll have your answer. ANY therapist worth their weight in gold will be able to relate to what it’s like to be on the OTHER side of the therapist/client relationship because they’ve been to therapy themselves. Think about it…would you take flying lessons from a fucker who has never flown a plane but only “studied” how to fly in books? I DON’T THINK SO!

    And another thing, while I’m on my soapbox…any therapist who subscribes to ONLY ONE methodology is an assfuck. The best therapists know a little bit about all of the different methods – and use the one that best fits the needs of their client. Some people can’t do psychoanalysis and fare better with cut and dry cognitive-behavioral methods. Some people like to get deep into their heads and do well with Freudian style analysis. I’m just saying I’d rather have a therapist who was a “jack of all trades, master of none” because it’s better to know the basics of all of the different types of therapy than to put all of your eggs into one school of thought’s basket. When you go out there and say, “MY methodology is the only one that is really effective” you just look like an asshole. Who wants an asshole for a therapist?!

  2. Streaker Jones says:

    Mooner. Ask tha Reckmonster if she’ll move ta Austin. I think she’s my type. You didn’t say Sam uses all varieties of therapy in this, an you made it look like she was puttin words in yer mouth. Sam’s my therapist an I don’t like how you talk bad about her.

  3. Mooner, for the love of SQUIRT, would you get your comments section fixed?! This shit blows.

  4. Squato says:

    This shit is way over my head. I think I remember who Freud was… too many Killians to get into anything this deep. Must sleep… I shall return (you’ve been warned…)

  5. admin says:

    Squat. It’s the beer. Skunk beer– skunk brain. Drink Carta Blanca beer!

  6. admin says:

    Reck. What’s the problem now? I’ve been trying to keep tabs.

  7. Enlightened Spirit says:

    You are the reason we have a HELL. May God have pity on your soul. John 3:16.

  8. admin says:

    And you, my dear Enlightened one, is why hell is alive and well here on the mother ship. How the fuck did you catch my open comment line so fast? I think you must have a thing for me.

    I’ll let you through until you go off the reservation. But the first threat nyou make will get you shitcanned and sent to the Sherrif’s office.

    How about I post you email address for all my fans if you make a threat?

    PS– kiss my ass and FUCK RICK PERRY.

  9. Squato says:

    Apparently, I’ve visiting an old post that still has the CAPCHA bullshit, Moonie…

  10. Squato says:

    All Capcha’d up again, man. I don’t know what to tell ya, but if it’s any consolation, it’s not THAT terrible even with the hurdles you present to comment on your blobber here. Don’t worry about it!

  11. admin says:

    Squat. WTF? I just tried again from another computer and had no squigglies to type. At least everything is posting. Ugh, and ugh again.

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