A Hank Of Hair; Mooner Stocks Up


So. Yesterday I told you that I have something to tell you about Texas Governor Rick “The-first-thing-we-do-is-kill-all-the-teachers” Perry. I had lunch with a conservative Christian buddy and customer, an honest and in my opinion, actual Christian man.

This man embodies most of what qualities I consider a true Christian man should have. Compassion, tolerance, ideals, morals and the guts to say that his ideals might not represent the only way through heaven’s gates. He firmly believes that Christianity is the best method, and also the only way that he will make it. But he admits that he has no hard evidence that supports his Baptist ways as better than those ways of say, a Jew. Or a Muslim for that matter.

He’s a smart man as well and thinks through things in a very logical way. He obviously has no ADHD, so as a conservative, he is basically my polar opposite.

For years we have disagreed about Rick Perry. Ever since he was lieutenant governor, I’ve been calling little Ricky the devil and my buddy has been touting him as the man to return America to sanity. Hours have we spent, me with my bottle of Carta Blanca and him with his glass of sweet tea, arguing about that prick.

But yesterday that all changed. Yesterday my buddy finally admitted that he understands what I meant. And you won’t believe what turned the tide.

OK, little Ricky went to Texas A&M, step child of the University of Texas. Most attendees of A&M are fine people, full of pride and honor. Some however, are ignorant, jealous conservative Christian fuckballs. Like the little prick, Rick Perry.

On a side note, the little shitwad has somebody monitoring my site. I have a buddy on staff at the State Capitol and he filled me in. They think I’m, “Funny, a real jokester, and silly. Harmless and dumb.”

I want to say this about that, “Fuck (P)Rick Perry, fuck his supporters and fuck you.”

Anyway, the governor has the worst kind of UT jealousy and he spends an inordinate amount of time attempting to undermine my university. He has done everything within his power to bring down UT to A&M’s academic, sports and research levels. Nothing he has done has been effective. UT has endowments that will insure its financial stability forever, and the little asshole can’t touch that money.

He has tried everything and to no avail, until he finally came up with a plan. See, UT is one of the world’s great scientific, business and academic research and development facilities. Sciences and arts are the linchpins of our success and prestige. What Governor Perry plans to do is pass legislation to, basically, require UT to become just a business school. Drop all of the scientific research that generates honors and hundreds of millions of dollars per year to support school programs.

That is what pushed my buddy off the Perry bandwagon. I told you he was an honorable man. My buddy realized that he was supporting an intrinsically evil man.

I said I wouldn’t write about this until I had done more research, but I lied. I’ve been too busy to do anything other than read an article in the local paper that I had missed when I must have skipped over it. While that article lacked details, it made the Governor’s intent clear.

The US government is facing a total shutdown because the religious Christian right insists that any budget extension include a ban on funding for Planned Parenthood. Are you fucking kidding me? And some of the idiots on the right side of the legislative aisle are women.

What the fuck?

How can a woman support the undoing of ten thousand years of fighting for womans’ rights? Don’t these silly fools realize that the Christian men behind all of this want to take women backward, steal women’s rights away giant chunks at a time.

Me, I’m making my plans for if Rick Perry makes it to Washington, DC. I’m stocking up on Carta Blanca beer, canned goods, animal furs and old-fashioned wooden clubs.

Then I’ll find the archives for the B.C. Comic strip and start studying up in preparation for my future lifestyle.

One thing bothers me though. I’ve been married to several women who enjoyed me pulling on their hair during sex as a method to increase their pleasure. But I don’t know a single woman who would allow me to yank her hair as a control mechanism.

Manana, y’all.

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5 Responses to “A Hank Of Hair; Mooner Stocks Up”

  1. Squatlo says:

    Mooner, your governor doesn’t love the University of Texas? How the fuck did a guy get elected to office in that state with THAT attitude? Hell, I would have thought you’d elect an atheistic Mexican drug lord first…

    Appreciate you stepping in to blast the Anonymous prick who left the right wingnutter bullshit under my post earlier. I would have responded myself, by I was dazzled and confused by his stupidity.

    Wouldn’t it be interesting if just for a day people had to leave their real email addresses and names when they left a comment? I think the wingnutter parade would dry up completely. Liberals, on the other hand, will say whatever the fuck comes to mind and sign their actual names under it, AND give you a phone number if you aren’t convinced it’s really their words they’re leaving.

  2. Squat. Yep, Anonymous is the cowards’ name, and Rick Perry is a prick. We UT grads are known as our state’s libbers. Aggies call us tea sippers, like like is so horrible. I happen to be sipping some now as I await the clock to hit 5:00 pm, at which time I’ll be cracking an icy cold Carta Blanca.

    Fuck Rick Perry and his anonymous minions as well!

  3. Um, Mooner. I considered applying to A & M…even though my heart bleeds maize and blue and I knew I’d never go anywhere BUT – THE University of Michigan. It was a “back up” college thought…but I never once considered UT. Not interested. Will that affect our pending nuptials?

  4. admin says:

    Reck. The only thing effecting our pending nuptial are their pendingness. I’m ready to comsumate this dealie. Have Carta Blanca beer and tomatoes… will travel!

  5. Squatlo says:

    Mooner and Reckem: I absolutely, positively refuse to shoot weddings, as a rule. I’d rather have boils on my ass and be dunked in apple butter at the old folks home than meet Bridezilla or her mommy.

    However, if and when the two of you finally get your shit together and decide to tie the knot, let it be known that I shall not only offer my finest wedding photography services for free, but will show up with an actual suit and tie if one is required.

    As long as I don’t have to pig-sit with Rick Perry or keep the ostrich out of the punch bowl.

    FRP, indeed.

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