Am I The Only One Who Hates Insurance Companies?


So. I fucking HATE insurance companies. I have waited a full week for mine to assess the damages on my Tahoe. The visible damages included smashed front end, loosened dash, rear-wheel drive shaft on the ground and a cracked transmission spilling its guts.

Totaled, right? Wrongo.

After a week of farting around, they call to say they want to fix it. “No frame damage,” they say.

“Fuck you, asshole,” was my immediate, unfiltered response. I always manage to maintain my decorum with customer service people. “Who the fuck do you think you are dealing with, buddy?”

I heard a rustling of papers, and, “Uh, uh… you would be policy holder number SF1972HBLAP106627TXZ8,” he replied. “I see that you have never before had an auto claim, Mr. Johnson. We’re quite proud to have you as our customer.”

I felt my brains start to ooze from my ears and nostrils from the pressure inside my head. “Where are you, Bryan?” His name was Bryan.

“Why, I’m sitting in my cubicle over at the main claims office located right here in Austin, Sir.”

“OK, Bryan. Why don’t you call your momma and tell her to make plans to visit you at the emergency room over to Breckenridge Hospital. Tell her you will be there in an hour and a half.”

“Oh, Mr. Johnson. I thought you said you had no significant injuries from your little boo-boo time. Do I need to file a medical claim for you?”

Bryan failed to capture the significance of my biting sarcasm. “No, Bryan, I’m still OK, and thanks for your concern. What I mean is that I’ll be in your office in maybe twenty minutes. It will take three, might take four minutes to thoroughly whip your ass, then another twenty minutes to the ER. It’ll take at least a half hour for the docs to stop your bleeding and get you presentable to see family. So, yea, tell your mother to meet you in 90 minutes.”

I fucking hate insurance companies. After screwing around for a week as I waited by, and waited patiently, I now must get independent estimates and and wait a month for repairs. Then I’ll have a car with a fucked-up Car Fax report that won’t be worth the price to make the repairs.

Then, they’ll raise MY fucking insurance rates.

Am I the only one who hates insurance companies? If you look at my policy holder number, you can decipher several things. I’ve been with them since 1972; I have (H)omeowners, (B)usiness, (L)iability Umbrella, (A)uto, and (P)rofessional insurance coverage policies with them.

Am I unreasonable? Does this shit sound right to you?

I’m getting a cold Carta Blanca. Manana, y’all.

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6 Responses to “Am I The Only One Who Hates Insurance Companies?”

  1. OOOOOOH! Insurance companies DO suck! But, I stopped bitching so much once I switched to USAA. I think if you raise ENOUGH hell…you can get the car totaled out – because you know damned well that an accident like that has definitely resulted in some frame damage. I had the same thing happen to me – they wanted me to “repair” the car when I knew damned well (from being t-boned in the driver’s side) there was NO WAY in holy fucking hell that there couldn’t have been some frame damage. I threw a medium-sized hissy fit (which is probably biggie supersized as far as other folks are concerned), and next thing I knew…my car was declared a total loss. Get your hissy on, Mooner!!!!

  2. Squatlo says:

    Car insurance is just the tip of the hatred iceberg for me, Sir Mooner. Wait until you’re trying to get your own health insurance claims accepted, or better yet, wait until it’s a workmans comp injury WITNESSES AT YOUR JOB SAW YOU INCUR, and then have them tell you it wasn’t work related.
    Back in 2001 I had an “incident” at work that ruptured one disc, squished the shit out of another one, and basically caused me to do everything BUT piss my pants when it happened. My employer, being a multi-national corporation notorious for disputing workmans comp claims said it must have happened elsewhere, despite two other guys who saw me grab my back and slump to the fucking floor trying to yank loose a material jam on my truck tire machine.
    For two long months they had me dicking around, sending me to “therapy” (“Let’s see if THIS hurts like hell, Mr. Timmerman!”) before I finally had a meltdown one day at work. It was butt-ugly, and I probably should have been fired or at least arrested for threatening bodily harm on a Human Resources officer AND the company’s insurance rep. Told them, one at a time, that I was lying awake at night in pain, couldn’t shit, eat, fuck, drive, walk, talk, or even think without gritting my teeth in pain, and that every time I tried to think of who was keeping me from getting the surgery I needed to fix my problem, all I saw was THEIR FACES. I told them (swear to Aqua Buddha this is true) I was having dark, dark thoughts about them and everyone involved.
    I had walked into this manager’s office and closed his door behind me, pulled my chair around his desk so that our knees were touching, and our noses are about a foot apart for this revelation.
    He immediately called the company’s insurance rep, who told me “you’re at the top of our list, Mr. Timmerman.” and I let “Greg” know he had just moved to the top of mine. Told him if they didn’t get this set up with a hospital before the weekend I would be seeing both of them on my time.
    I got a call that night to report to St.Thomas Hospital in Nashville the following morning for surgery.

    Sometimes you have to go medieval to get the response you want. I was prepared to KILL if they didn’t act right. You deal with spinal pain for a couple of months and see what changes that shit puts you through.

    Your car’s totalled, Mooner. Ring someone by the neck if you have to…

    Reck and me will come bail you out!!!

  3. admin says:

    Reck. The guy who pulled in front of me has USAA and they have been more polite and responsive than my own State Farm. I understand it is usually that way– the company not insuring you wants to treat you great to get you to leave your current company and come to them. But who gives a shit? Someone needs to tell these fuckballs that all insurance is, is CUSTOMER SERVICE!!! Your fucking product is service. Also, car wrecks are some scary shit.

    Squat. Amazing how unprincipled asshole corporate types can drive a sane man to maniacal thoughts. Insurance people seem to have the criminal mindset when dealing with claims– deny, deny and deny some more. They must have mountains of research that shows them that by frustrating people to distraction, they save on claims payments. Fuck insurance companies and fuck Rick Perry.

    How’s you back now? Does the dangerous one cut you some slack if you remind her that you are fragile? How’s your mushroom bedding coming along– it’s time to get it fluffed for its big debut!

  4. Squatlo says:

    Mooner, I’ve had my second neck surgery this past fall, this time through the throat and not from the back of the neck. All’s well… What the company was trying to do was make a person wait in pain long enough to finance their own surgery, and then fight the claim in court after the fact. I’ve actually looked into a class action lawsuit nationwide to prove that they always initially refuse the workman’s comp claim, just on principle.

    We tilled in the mushroom dirt and planted about 24 tomatoes yesterday, Bradleys, Big Boys, and one Brandywine. Put in about eight pepper plants, and planted bell pepper seeds, yellow and green.

    Two short rows of okra, two more of corn, three mounds of squash, two cukes, one cantaloupe for the Empress… personally, I hate the shit.

    Wish we had more room, but it’s a small garden in a small yard in a small neighborhood.
    C’mon Powerball…

  5. admin says:

    Squat. Until our federal legislature does something, insurance companies and the company-controlled health and workers’ comp claims will be business. Too many business have employee benefit attitudes that are worse than their customer service policies.

  6. admin says:

    Wait… Squat, through your neck?

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