Hey Dougie At @DollarsAsAmmo; If You Don’t Have A Cat Name– Go Away

 

So. I just checked and discovered I’m back up to 25 Twitter followers. I usually don’t investigate a new follower until they have spent a month on my list, but the name of this one caught my attention. This guy is @DollarsAsAmmo.

I clicked onto his account and here is his profile:

“Promoter of organizations/ppl supporting conservative values, getting them name-recognition w/ our RT’s and mentions– b/c the friendlies deserve our attn & $$!”

I also took some time to read a few of the little fuckwad’s tweets, and they were precisely what was expected. One mention after another of Fox News, Fred Thompson, and the rest. A treasure trove of conservative tweets, and blogs and websites.

I am sure that somewhere someone is doing the same for the liberal cause. Some left-wing bozo spends his days banging away at his keyboard twitting away about Louis Black and Squatlo and such. Maybe there is a need filled by this kind of research machinery, but why in the fuck is this guy following me?

Hey, @DollarsAsAmmo– go the fuck away. I have seen what you support and I don’t like you. Please do not tweet about me or refer your brain-dead followers to my site. Just go the fuck away.

Thank you for listening.

Anyway, the contest for a new name for the cat known as Eighty-three (not 83!) is off to a slow start. Everyone is full of free advice for how to name a fucking cat, but nobody has provided the basic kindness that would be to give an actual suggestion. Maybe I’ll just let the cat name her own damn self.

OK, wait a minute. DollarsAsAmmo? What kind of aggressive goddamn name is that? Hey, Doug_Ray, why was it required that you put a violent stamp on your Twitter name? Why not DollarsAsSupport or DollarsAsName-Recognition?

As a liberal nut job, my guess is that you want to appeal to the vast base of violence-as-a-first-choice conservatives. My pinko-commie logic points to the simple fact that you might be as simple-minded as a typical teabagger. Dougie, did you support those numbskulls in Florida who burned the Koran? Your brain manage to find the justification for bombing the Federal Building in Oklahoma City?

Please, GO THE FUCK AWAY.

Back to the cat. She likes to shower, loves sardines and will eat anything that I put on my plate, and, “Yes, Squatlo, she even ate asparagus that was oven-roasted.” Eighty-three has shown a bright mind, a desire to learn and extreme hatred for anything rodent, or rodent-like. A Disney World commercial came on the TV last night and she attacked the TV screen with an amazing vengeance.

When the image of Mickey Mouse left the screen and she returned to her perch on the back of my chair, she was muttering.

“What did she say?” I asked Squirt, who perches in my lap.

“She said, ‘Fucking rat!’”

I spent some time looking at cats on the I-net, and, if I must say so myself, she’s an attractive specimen. Long body, slim waist, large almond-shaped eyes, brown mask dealie that makes her look like Halle Berry as Cat Woman.

What else can I tell you? What more information do you need to help me rename her? I need Carta Blanca beer and it’s not yet 9am. Please help me name this fucking cat.

Manana, y’all.  And FUCK RICK PERRY!

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6 Responses to “Hey Dougie At @DollarsAsAmmo; If You Don’t Have A Cat Name– Go Away”

  1. Squatlo says:

    How ’bout “Aggie?” Oh wait… you longhorny people have problems with your in-state competition, my bad.

    Okay, how ’bout “Hussy” as in “You shameless hussey!”

    “Hairball” has always been one of my favorites, too.

    If she’s the kind of cat that can claw your ankles from under the couch, maybe “Ripsaw” would work…

    Hell, Mooner, name her “Puzzle” because she must be one to have ended up at your house!

  2. Squat. Gram suggested “Dumass” and I’ll quote my grandmother here, “Onna count a she ‘dopted yer smelly ass, Mooner.” Didn’t take the cat a half hour after hearing that for the cat to find Gram’s favorite thong bikini and shred it into confetti. Upon discovering the tattered bathing suit, Gram had a new name for her– “Dead Fucking Cat”. If she claws any more of Gram’s sex clothes, I’ll name her “Eighty-sixed.”

    I’ll log your names for the contest, except for Aggie. Soon as you name a pet “Roll Tide” I’ll place it under consideration.

  3. Fuck that bitch ass cat! Panang is a GREAT name.

    Fine. Here is the phonetic shit for “siamese cat””
    แมวไทย maaeo thai- Siamese cat

    ‘maaeo thai’ = siamese cat

    So, smoosh it all together and call that little bitch “Maaeothai” (phonetically: may-o-thai) and you can just call the little hooker “may-o” which will sound like “cat” Thai.

  4. admin says:

    Reck. The cat says that until you step up to the plate, and move to Number 11 from prospective Number 12, you can hold the May-o and can the rhetoric. Those are certainly NOT my sentiments, that was straight from Eighty-three. She did say that she likes you except for when you get into her business. On a final note, she asked me to tell you that the proper pronunciation would be more akin to “mahe-o” as opposed to may-o.

    Please don’t shoot the messenger.

  5. You can tell NUMBER EIGHTY THREE that there is a reason people hate cats. She is the perfect example.

  6. admin says:

    Reck. But how do you really feel?

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