Free Books Here; Rick Perry Confesses


So. I’m too hot and tired to write much today. It’s 8 am and I just finished two hours of gardening in 82-degrees and 89% humidity. Ugh.

In an effort to expend minimal effort, I’ll just drop a few random thoughts your way. First, my Twitter Follower log was at 23 when I just checked. After calling Texas Governor Rick Perry a Christian terrorist yesterday, I lost a net three from my counter dealie. Good for me.

Since my book will be out soon, I feel compelled to make major renovations here to Moonerland. I need to attach an actual store to the “Store” button on the webber home page. I also want to be able to post pictures and create an actual Blog Roll. I’m told a Blog Roll is where I can list my favorite bloggers and websites and shit and gain the cross-pollenizations that come from linkerating together with other sites.

Maybe that would be linkifying. Oh, for shit sakes– is it “pollenerations”?

Who gives a shit, I want to linkerate and pollenigize using my friends as ballast. The reason I don’t use the current Blog Roll on my site is because that was how the asshole hackers invaded my stuff and planted Trojan horses awhile back. I need to rework the entire roller thingie to be safe.

Which reminds me. I’m going to need all of the help I can get to sell my book. Since I have always been a believer that the best way to fill your stringer with fish is to chum the waters, let me throw a little sumptin-sumptin out at you. That one always gets me. I know the proper English would be “something-something”, but how do you spell the slangerized term?

What I’m offering to do is, I’ll send a personalized, autographed first edition of my new book to any blogger who will promise to read it, comment on it and link to my site’s store. I don’t care what you say so long as you tell the truth. I expect most people to think it’s trash. That’s why I’m certain I’ll need your help. I just want you to promise to read it, comment honestly and then give me a linked chance to cash in.

So far, two people have read the finished version with the following, abridged reviews:

  1. “Mooner Johnson’s Full Rising Mooner is a reminder of the great novel by John Kennedy Toole, A Confederacy of Dunces.”
  2. “If John Kennedy Toole was a moronic Antichrist, he might have written Full Rising Mooner.”


I’m so fucking proud. For today, I’ll take the first 50 requests from bloggers for books. You need to have a findable bloggie site, and swear to keep your part of the bargain. You can either make your request in an email or a comment, I don’t give a shit which way.

So drink Carta Blanca beer in responsible ways, and I’ll see you manana, y’all.

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6 Responses to “Free Books Here; Rick Perry Confesses”

  1. Squatlo says:

    Mooner, you know I’m going to have to get a copy of your book one way or another… and this sounds pretty inexpensive. I’ll link back to your store (it would help if you had one, sold things, that sort of thing…) and write a glowing review of your book in advance, if that helps.

    “This is the kind of book Vonnegott would have written if he hadn’t cared deeply for his legacy as a writer. Being a half-bubble off gives Mooner Johnson a slant on things most of us wouldn’t notice, and by the time he’s through doing his level best to true things up, he’s usually sanded the subject down to nothing more than sawdust and angst… and the world is a better place for having been Moonerized. Buy the book, read it, then buy another copy for anyone who needs to shim up a table.”

    How’s that for a sight-unseen review? I used the same methods to bluff my way through book reports in high school. You can’t judge a book by its cover, but you can learn a lot quicker with Cliff Notes…

  2. Squat. OK, first, you are too fucking funny.

    Second, I’m using your review on my book cover.

    Third, I’m also thinking about offering my store to others to merchandise their stuff. Like your photo art, and a WTF? Reckmonster tee shirt, or any number of T-catisms on a tee. I think there is an incredible amount of funny and smart in our loose circle.

    I want all sales to benefit a charity of choice off the top. OK, wait. Next I expect to hear myself say, “And we can do a show out to the barn and sell tickets, Mickey.”

    I was once told that I’d be an embarrassment to myself if I had a brain. No brain required.

  3. I’ll take you up on that Mooner. I rambled over from Squatlo’s place one day last week and got lost for half a day, reading through old posts and laughing my ass off. If the books half as funny as your blog it will be time well spent.

    I solemnly swear to write a review (although it will be HARD to top Squatlo’s) and I’ll have to figure out how to link up on the sidebar … but surely it can’t be THAT hard. I could put picture of the book cover with a link to your store/site, so I guess that’s not as hard as figuring out how the hell I can “follow” without the blogger button to do that LOL.

    HEY don’t laugh, I didn’t claim that I wasn’t technically challenged 😉

  4. admin says:

    Sally. Thank you for stopping by and thanks for the offer. I want to ask if the gator got your granny, but that would be wayyyy uncool.

    You are on the list. As for topping the Squatter, he only thinks with the left side of his brain. Hit him with a right cross and he’s down.

  5. I’ll buy yer book, if I can be on your beloved blogroll. I love live in South Africa where bribery and corruption are the norm.

  6. admin says:

    Ah, me wee Scots Lassie. You honor me with your offer. I plan to have a Blog Roll that stands out– give a right proper chance for all the plonkers to find you. But I’ll send you the book, my gift for your support.

    BTW. Those bitches at the market who squeeze the bread rolls and put them back on the shelf should be taken down. Pisses me off.

    And another thing. Everywhere in the world, except in South Africa, when we say the name of a place that includes the word “South” in said name, the South part is used as a modifier– an abridgement to the original name. Like London becomes South… London. America becomes South… America. And South Carolina and South Dakata and so on.

    But you fuckers in South Africa say your country’s name like you can’t get the words spit out of your mouth fast enough. You don’t say, “South… Africa,” it’s more like, “Sowafrika,” and it’s said with de-emphazation. Maybe I mean dis-emphasisations, like the opposite of “!”. My keyboard doesn’t have a key for that. If I could design one, it would look like this: “_.” except it would be a shaky-looking line, like the line was scared, or humble.

    I love your blog. If you weren’t married I’d be focussing my designs on you. I have been dreaming about you, but my dreams are devoid of focus. OK, focus is not my middle name and the cat just laid a dead sparrow at my feet. Looks like it’s time for the old birds-and-bees talk.

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