Lunacy Is A Derivative Of Lunar; Mooner Johnson Is Nuts


So. I’m involved in this huge debate over the essence of crazy. On the one side the position is that, “A crazy person is ALWAYS crazy”– or said another way, “Crazy is as crazy does.”

The second side of this three-sided coin takes the position that at least some crazy people are not crazy all the time. This argument basically states that, “Sometimes crazy takes a time out.”

The third side of the coin, the side that prevents conventional debate legislation– the aspect that makes this a frustrating debate in many ways is this. The entire debate is raging within the confines of my skull. Uh huh, I’m having a huge argument with myself.

I’m not talking about the routine good/bad-right/wrong-yes/no kinds of debates a person has with himself that is the foundation of a thoughtful person’s societal functioning. I’m talking Lincoln-Douglass Debate here, a discourse with significant magnitudes.

OK, wait. I’m not saying that the issues of the debate share similar importance, I’m rather speaking to the rhetoric and stubbornness of the debaters. My lunacy and slavery are not in the same league as far as the greater impact of the issue. Slavery would be the number one or number two worst sins if I was a God and I was ranking sins for my followers. Slave holders would have a special room in my hell.

The fact that I’m a slave to my own crazy mind isn’t the same thing. If I make myself do things I don’t want to do, I’ve nobody to blame but myself.

Of course, there are those times when somebody else makes me crazy, or at least they spark my crazy. Perfect case would be the time Walley Smalley confronted me out to Mooners Compost Plant that one night. That story is in the book, so I can’t tell you about it. But trust me when I say that Walley Smalley brought my craziest-nest out in full forces. Crazier-est?

Here’s the basics of the debate. If a person is crazy, they are always crazy, according to the one side. That’s not to say that they are incapable of non-crazy thoughts and actions, it’s just more that any non-crazy functioning would be by accident, and therefore, insignificant from the scientific perspectives.

Solid points.

“But,” I think to myself, “there are times when I’m just not crazy, I don’t have the mental processes of a crazy man.”

Like when I’m asleep and not dreaming. My craziness is ADHD-driven, what with all of the conflicting thought processes and shit. So, again, solid reasoning.

Of course, I almost always dream. Then there’s the load of shit Dr. Sam I. Am-Johnson dropped on my ass when I attempted to gain some insight from her. In my morning psycho therapy session earlier, she said to me, she said, “Mooner, you lunatic redneck fuckball, the simple fact that you are debating this issue with yourself should provide you with all the evidence you need to determine a winner,” two, three, four… “and a loser.”

“Bitch,” my best response.

Like right now I feel strangely sane. I’ve but a mere half-dozen disparate thoughts swirling in my head and my near-constant urge to say, “Fuck Rick Perry!” is on the mental shelf.

Except now that I’ve said Fuck Rick Perry, I’m starting to feel my blood pressure go up and I’ve got ten new thoughts racing– fighting to get to the front of my brain so as to reach through my fingers at the keyboard so they can stream over the Internet to you.

Ugh. I’m nuts. Maybe I’m devolving, or decompressing or whatever it is when crazy people get crazier. What if Rick Perry has some master plan to get me off his back so he’s doing really stupid shit to get under my skin and get so tuned-up I get committed again?

Wait, it’s decompensate. Getting crazier is decompensation..

Fuck it, and FUCK RICK PERRY. I’m taking Squirt and Honor the cat and we’re going fishing.

You guys drink Carta Blanca beer and I’ll see you manana.

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3 Responses to “Lunacy Is A Derivative Of Lunar; Mooner Johnson Is Nuts”

  1. You know Moon, most of the world’s genius’ were thought to be bat shit crazy at some point in their lives. Maybe you’re just looking for a label for you “differentness” >shrugs<

  2. Squatlo says:

    I was over at Mystrbreeze’s new blog (Dumb Perignon) and saw where Glenn Beck is selling his place in New York and moving to Texas. Mooner, it’s getting harder and harder to argue with the people who insist we oughta just carpet bomb your whole fucking state…

    If it weren’t for you, Lyle Lovett, Willie Nelson, and a couple of the former Tennessee Vols who currently play for the Cowboys, I’d be with them on that plan.

    Tell you what, if the shit’s ever going down for real, I’ll give you a heads up so you can get the boys out of the closet and load Gram and SAC Ellen into the back of the truck in time to get out.

  3. Sally. I like the way you think, girl. But my best buddy, Streaker Jones, is an actual genius and I don’t have half enough functioning brain cells to measure up.

    Just like Squatlo says, I’m totally batshit bonkers.

    Squat. Yea, I made it over there the first time awhile ago and saw that. Maybe we can get all of those right-wing Christian fuckballs to come to Texas at the same time. I’d take one for the team and light the fuse for humanity.


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