Prick Perry Conjoins With American Family Association; Whose God Is It?

 

So. The American Family Association (AFA) is now full time prayer partners with Texas governor Rick “Only Jesus Can Save America From America” Perry. The little prick has solidified his relationship with those giant dickheads over to American Family.

Surprise, surprise, sur-prise!

AFA, the Mississippi-based Christian organization best-known for its boycott strategies against anything its leader doesn’t like, is the Major Hot Lips Houlihan of the right-wing Christian cast of organizations. Just like the idiotic Major Frank Burns shamelessly chased Major Margaret “Hot Lips” Houlihan for an Army cot blow job in M.A.S.H., the prick Rick Perry is pursuing the AFA as his close confidant to help him get Jesus to put His full weight behind Perry’s run for the presidency.

OK, stop. Here’s something that I have never been able to figure out. Why is the Christian’s god called God, but Buddha is a god? Whyinthefuck is that? And…. why do we capitalize all of God’s pronouns– like He and His?

And… if we capitalize all of His Pronouns, why don’t we capitalize all the rest of His stuff? Like up there earlier, when I wrote, “… help him get Jesus to put His full weight behind…,”– why didn’t I need to capitalize the word weight?

If He is all that fucking important as to make all of these distinctions, it should be His Weight, and His Word, and… OK, wait another fucking minute.

We should also need to capitalize all of His verbs, right. If we want to make His Differences so remarkable when we write about Them, don’t we need to put the verbs in caps too? And what about the adverbs and adjectives– how can we leave those especially-powerful modifiers of God’s Words in the lower case? I mean think about it, and Holy Shit!

Holy Fucking Shit, something else incredible just struck me. If we are to take the right-wing Christian interpolation of their Bible– that is to say, for example the thinkings of the AFA, then we humans are perfect recreations of God’s Image, right? OK, except there’s that whole dealie with Eve, and I am the last man on earth to suggest that God might be a hermaphrodite.

Oh, here’s a thought. If I follow the logic string of the “created in His Image” rule, then it’s entirely possible that God is at the minimum, a Bisexual Guy. I started to say that He might be a transvestite, but that implies clothing.

Now this is getting interesting. Maybe God is Conjoined Twins. A man God joined to a Woman God at the hip. I think that is as fine an image of God as I’ve ever imagined. If He/She was pure of heart, I would go back to church and worship.

But I’m digressing my digressions. OK, first let me say that I don’t like excluding other gods from the capitalization rules, and additionally, I want to conclude by saying if not, Then We Need To Stop Screwing Around And We Should Capitalize Every-Fucking Word.

I know it’s Sunday and I know I’m considered a heathen and sacrilegious by many, but I really don’t give a shit. If you think those things of me, you my brother and sister, are at the wrong fucking website. Log-off and go visit http://www.braindead.com .

On our fishing trip yesterday, Honor the cat asked me why we don’t go to church. She said that the crazy cat lady went to church every Wednesday and Sunday, and that she spent a considerable portion of her days with her head bowed in prayer. Honor escaped from the crazy cat lady by hiding in my GTO when Squirt and I went to see about getting a cat to adopt us.

I told Honor that the crazy cat lady was a Baptist and that’s what good Baptists do, and then I asked her if she wanted to go to church. I don’t care for church myself, but I’m OK with you going so long as you treat me the same.

Look, I was raised in the Baptist church. My mother and grandmother still attend each Wednesday and Sunday– that’s where they are as I write this silly shit. But I left the Baptist church because of how they practiced the religion. As a young teenager I saw the Baptists do and say things in the name of God that I felt bore no relationship to what God would authorize.

I’m not smart enough to be an atheist, there are too many things in life for which I have no answers. I have no idea what my God looks like, I just think there is something out there bigger than me.

But I can tell you this with absolute certainty. No god would sanction many of the positions of the right-wing Christian movement. No deity would propose the prejudice and elitist exclusionary politics that are the hallmarks of those people.

So, I say once more and with mucho gusto– FUCK RICK PERRY!

Now I’m cracking my first icy-cold Carta Blanca of the day. Manana, y’all.

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6 Responses to “Prick Perry Conjoins With American Family Association; Whose God Is It?”

  1. Squatlo says:

    I think just capitalizing everything solves the problem. Make keyboards automatically hit the upper case thingie at the beginning of every word, and PRESTO! The God/god problem is solved.

    Like any of that really matters to her…

  2. What the fuck is a Carta Blanca??

  3. admin says:

    Squat. I don’t give a shit so long as all gods are created equal… goose/gander.

    Lass. OK, first, I guess that South Africa is a tad far to ship the world’s finest beer, Cerveza Carta Blanca. If I was the cheif-in-charge of capitalizations, everything about my favorite beer would be in caps.

    Second, I think you might have a slight bias in the choosing of winners in your photo contests. My entire family felt that I should have won the Star Wars pic dealie last week.

    Third, I should be able to start my sanitized blog roll in the next few days, and you and Squatlo are toppers on my list. Count me among your plonkers.

  4. Squatlo says:

    Hey Daft Scots Lass, Mooner offered to send me a case of Carta Blanca when I told him I was having trouble tracking it down in middle Tennessee… I think he should offer you the same courtesy! What’s a continent or two away got to do with any damn thing?

    Mooner, goose/gander/gender? You know you can’t blass for you unless you blaspemy too!

  5. admin says:

    Squat. You sooo funny. I might consider sending the Lass a case of Carta Blanca AFTER I win one of her picture captioning dealies. I fear she’s got a bias toward “cutsie” captions and you know how I feel about bias.

    FUCK RICK PERRY!

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