@Thank_Q Is Inductee Number 3; Is Mooner Racist?


So. It’s time for the third installment to my new Blog Roller, and what was an easy choice to make has become a difficult announcement. Maybe that should be that this is a difficult pronouncement. I decided yesterday who would be my third inductee to be displayed over there to the right on my roller dealie, and I was going to post the story yesterday. But, of course, I got distracted and forgot.

At an early family breakfast this morning, I made the mistake of mentioning that I had forgotten and opened myself to their inspection. Huge fucking mistake.

“Now, son,” my martyred mother counseled with speech dripping the atonements reserved for retired teachers who were raised in the Baptist church. “You mustn’t bring race into the discussion. I can’t have any of my friends from the church read your Internet newspaper and then lecture me on your inappropriateness.”

Mother, that would be my actual mother, fanned herself with her Baptist Daily Prayer leaflet with her right hand, lacing her left index finger inside the collar of her robe to allow the fanned air to slide beneath. She stopped, quite theatrically, and continued with, “Mooner, honey, I simply can’t abide another meeting with the ethics committee over one of your… your…”

At this juncture Mother’s fan hand was switched to high speed setting, and her left index finger was joined by the remaining digits to tug her collar out of shape. “Oh, sweet Jesus, I have no idea what to call that pornography and blasphemous drivel you call your blog.”

“What… in tha fuck… are you a yammerin’ about, Mother?” my Gram piped up. “Mooner’s making a public service with his bloggie. Now shut tha fuck up an eat yer oatie meal.”

Sister, who would be my actual sister, was at the house this morning to work in the big garden. Her first-and-only wife and my third ex-wife, Anna the Amazon, was out of town to visit her family and Sister came across town to visit hers. Sister giggled at the interchange between the two Johnson family matriarchs and said, “Who are you naming this time, Mooner– what’s got your mother so upset?”

I hate when Sister says, “Your mother,” like she and I didn’t share the same womb. I know that many of Mother’s consternations are directly connected to my childhood adventures, but she had two kids.

I answered her with, “Well Sis, here’s what seems to be the rub with YOUR mother. I decided to name my buddy over to Thank-Q For Common Sense because of the high quality stuff he does over there.”

“Isn’t he that nice African American man from Mississippi?” said Sister.

“Oh dear,” Mother huffed, “are you going to support your brother’s plan to ruin my reputation?”

Sister looked at me, her bewildered face creased with the beginnings of a grin. Then Gram pushed up from her stool and started to pounce, so I said, “OK, everyone, let’s discuss this issue.”

Here’s the crux of this mornings discussion. Thank-Q, T-Q to me, is a man from Mississippi who has black skin– skin he was born with– and he has lived the life of a black-skinned man raised in the South. He is smart and he has a keen insight into morality. Not the fake morality you find in today’s Churches, actual morality, morality based upon the values held by honest humans.

He’s funny too, or I might not like him quite so much, and he does some really neat shit over there. He did a soap opera dealie earlier this year wherein he had different bloggers do a day in the life story. He also did this live radio-on-the-I-net show that was some of the funniest stuff I ever heard.

T-Q’s site is one of my daily checker sites. I go to see what’s up over there and sometimes I go to grab a dose of his moral reality.

But here’s the problem my mother has. She thinks it is racist of me to even say that T-Q is an African American man. “It shouldn’t matter, Mooner, and your pointing it out is a racist act.”

OK, I think I get the gist of that. But I’m not using his blackness to segregate or demean him in any way, I’m describing him in a way that gives insight into who he is. Two of my ex-wives were black skinned. Ebony beauties both– one African American from Austin, Texas, and the second from actual Africa by way of Paris, France.

I don’t know how to even think about them as colorless just as I can’t think of Anna the Amazon as anything but a very large woman. Who happened to discover that she is a lesbian when she fell in love with my sister.

How can I separate what those women are from how I describe them? One of my ex-wives has skin so white and unmarked that she looks cast from alabaster. She could play a Kabuki actress without any white face paint. Another comes from a family whose history is steeped in Mayan culture from deep in Mexico. Should I not say that she is Hispanic– do I never mention the sexy, brown skin that wraps her luscious curves?

Ugh. Double-fucking ugh!

Look, I usually have clear thoughts about race issues. But this one has me flummoxed. OK, wait a minute. Do you get flummoxed by something, like hit in the head with a bat, or do you become flummoxed– like you become nauseated with a bad oyster?

Ugh, again. I need Carta Blanca beer.

Alright, here’s what I’m doing. I’ll make my announcement how I wish to make it and then T-Q can spank my silly white ass if I fuck it up.

So now, I present to you my next entry into my new Blog Roller… Thank-Q For Common Sense, an African American man from Mississippi of high moral character, keen insights and good humor.

Mnanana, y’all.

Ps– Don’t forget that a Twitter link will not show the Blog Roller. You need to click on my Blog tag to refresh the full page.

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3 Responses to “@Thank_Q Is Inductee Number 3; Is Mooner Racist?”

  1. Q says:

    Mooner, first of all, great story! I could actually visualize your mother with that fan in her hand as you described it. I’m honored to be #3! I recently had a radio show on race and one of the things we discussed was being color blind. I personally think that it’s important to recognize differences in people. I think it’s the only way to truly appreciate them. So, I don’t mind being called an African-American blogger because that title does suggest that my views may be different from another race of bloggers. As long as distinctions are made to describe and not to discriminate, then I’m all for it. I think it actually helps to embrace the Melting Pot in which we live by doing so. Great post! You always have a clever way of making your points. I’m honored by the comments and entry as #3!

  2. Yeayuhhhhhhh!! Give it up for Q!!! Great choice for # 3, Mooner! Q is one of my favorite bloggers too! He makes you think. And he is super creative too…the Blogger Reality show and the Stunner Award are amongst his finest creations in bloggerland. I’ve also listened to his show (and called in once) and that’s some good shit right there too!

    High five on a good choice, and Cheers (with my figurative Carta Blanca) to Q!

  3. admin says:

    T-Q. Thanks for stopping by and thanks for the support. Funny how when I checked your site this afternoon and found a story of similar ilk. I’m proud to count you among my friends.

    Reck. Yes, I made a good choice, and thanks. As for your imagine beer, tsk, tsk and tsk again. I think you are afraid to drink an actual Carta Blanca beer because if you do, you will be sooo very satisfied that you’ll grab your camera and do the photos as I have requested.

    Carta Blanca beer will free your soul. If Carta Blanca beer had been invented fifty years earlier than the late 1800’s, I have every confidence that it could have prevented the Civil War. Happy slave owners would have set them all free and racism would have been set back a hundred years.

    OK, maybe 22 or 23 years. I sometimes become overenthusiastic when touting the qualities of my favorite brew.


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