Big Contest Announcement!!! FUCK RICK PERRY! Haiku


So. I was sitting on the pot this morning with the sports section of the Austin-American Statesman, the too-thin eight pages of mostly uninteresting crap barely holding my interest. There was mention of this Japanese baseball player with a name like Moriasho Soduku or maybe it was Soriduku Mashimoto. Whateverthefuck, this guy’s name reminded me of haiku, and thinking of haiku reminded me that I think America should FUCK RICK PERRY, and so instead of reading the paper—I rather made up FUCK RICK PERRY haikus.

Maybe that should be haikui.

Since I’m expecting to get the proof copy of my fully-completed book within the week, and also because I’m a shameless self promoter of Donald Trumpian proportions, I have decided to have a “FUCK RICK PERRY Haiku Contest.

The winners of the contest will get an autographed copy of the new book, Full Rising Mooner.

Contest rules are simple:

  1. Classical three-line poems in the 5/7/5-syllable format.
  2. It must contain “FUCK RICK PERRY!” as content.
  3. It can be either supportive of Prick Perry, or not.


That’s it. So open an icy-cold Carta Blanca beer, grab a deep-lung bong hit if you’re so inclined, and let her rip.

Here is one of mine. Not my best effort, but my best efforts contain much of your fodder and I don’t want to be responsible for fucking up my own contest.

Rick Perry, pure Evil,

He lies, he cheats. Win a book,


Manana, y’all!

Print Friendly

19 Responses to “Big Contest Announcement!!! FUCK RICK PERRY! Haiku”

  1. Brandon says:

    Thumping his bible,
    all the way to the White House?

  2. Brandini. All right! We have an early leader in the club house.

  3. Squatlo says:

    I don’t poem, Mooner. But love the idea… And I’ve got a question: if the sports section of your paper has nothing interesting in it, why are you upset that there are only eight pages? That’s like bitching about a restaurant’s food, and then complaining that the portions are too small. Tastes like shit and there’s not enough of it?

    But I can relate to the thin paper complaint. Our local rag here in the ‘Boro wouldn’t be suitable to put under a parakeet, except on those rare occasions when they’re running one of my sports pictures, of course. And the Nashville paper, while considerably better, has become a clone of USA Today, or as we like to call it, McPaper.

    I learn more from blog buddies than from my newspaper, lately.

  4. Brandon says:

    If you were to remove the classifieds from my local paper (Idaho Falls Post Register) you’d be left with about 8 pages in total. They tout themselves as “more local news than any other paper” yet most of their articles are written by the AP. Those written by locals are filled with typos… like the editor is constantly high and letting everything pass by.

    I miss the LA Times.

  5. Squat. I love when you point me to my errors in logic. More specifically, my lament should have been, “Thank goodness I only had to wade through eight dull and uninteresting pages of paper.”

    Newspaper are sinking ships. That makes me sad. News is somehow more satisfying with all of the tactile inputs provided by a smelly newspaper.

    I love the newspaper,
    Smell, crinkle, fold, smudge, tear, read, toss.
    Newspapers are near death.

  6. Squatlo says:

    Hey, when they stop producing actual newspapers, I’m going to be in trouble. My daily constitutional depends upon the morning paper, and I often need each and every section of said paper to complete my mission. When we also had an evening paper in Nashville I subscribed to both, because I often need a second BM to complete my day. They did away with the Nashville Banner about fifteen years ago, and I’ve been a one-shit-a-day guy ever since. If the Tennessean goes out of bidness, I might never crap again.
    And don’t tell me I can take an electronic device into the crapper for my morning release… that just wouldn’t be the same.

    Long live daily papers!

  7. jadedj says:

    Having never done this, here is my feeble ass attempt (be kind):

    Tar and feathers for
    the arrogant Fuck Rick Perry
    In the Texas heat

  8. admin says:

    Squat. I get all of that. I can’t start my day without the paper. Maybe it’s the same thing as with Moses. “Waddda ya mean their not using stone tablets any more? I fucking had that papyrus shit!”

    DJ. Dude, another score. Fuck Rick Perry is right!

  9. Sean says:


    Homophobic and mild retardation.
    less school, more money, Texas you say?
    I think not, wish Limbaugh would FUCK RICK PERRY

  10. admin says:

    Sean. While your dynamic pentameter is askewed from traditional haiku, I’m taking it. Your sentiments are spot on. Thanks for the efforts.

  11. My future husband
    Asked me to Fuck Rick Perry
    I told him, “Fuck off.”

  12. admin says:

    Reck. Classic and on the leader board. How you doing?

  13. Whoo! Hoo! I knew you’d like that one, Mooner, baby! The Reckmonster has been busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest. But, I’m trying to get back on blogger track now, man…I hate when I have posts piled up to read – it throws me off kilter, mannnn! It’s like going without your usual brand of toilet paper for several days in a row…it really fucks with you and things aren’t right til you get back on your normal brand of TP. You know what I mean?! snicker snicker

    FUCK politics, man.
    RICK wants to be president.
    PERRY? Maybe Steve.

    [hahaha! you see what I did there, Mooner?! dammit…I’m like on haiku crack now!]

  14. admin says:

    Reck. Baby. You are on a roll!

  15. Abe says:

    Got Jeebus with him,
    Must be perfect got no sin,
    Vote? Fuck Rick Perry!

  16. admin says:

    Abe. You nailed it dude.

  17. Brandon says:

    Fuck Michele Bachmann
    She’s cuter than Rick Perry
    …not by very much…

  18. admin says:

    Brandon. Another fine effort. Fuck Michele Bachmann, indeed.

Leave a Reply