Blog Roller Inductee Numero Quatro; Rick Perry Is A Dumbass

 

So. Without further adieu I am here today to announce to you inductee Number Four to my Blog Roller. After much debate, hand-wringing and consternation… Wait.

After many debates, lots of hand-wringing and much consternation, I am now fully prepared to install the newest member and move on with my life. It’s been more than a week since I last named Number Three and I’ve managed to make myself constipated with angst. OK, I don’t mean that I’ve got a wad of angst wedged somewhere in my lower intestine, halting my peristaltic motions. What I mean to say is that my angst over naming Blog Roller inductees has upset my regularly-scheduled movements, creating impactions, foul humor and fouler gas.

I was in a therapy session yesterday morning with Dr. Sam I. Am-Johnson and we were discussing my growing dislike for all things conservative. I guess I was unhappy with her line of reasoning that all of my anger at right-wing Christians was bad for me and good for them. She actually said to me, she said, “Look, Mooner. Those people are so brain washed with their indoctrinations you stand very little chance of changing even one of their minds. You are making yourself even more crazy, which pleases them. Why don’t you take up another cause? Do something where you can make a real difference.”

She smiled sweetly at me, which was the straw. “Here’s what I think of that idea,” I said, and I leaned on my left hip and cranked a two-second “Frrrrrrrrippp” of well-aged gas.

Not all ass gas is so much lighter than air that it can stream through a room rapidly. Not all ass gas hits quickly, like a featherweight boxer’s left jab. Unh-uh, some ass gas more resembles a Sumo wrestler. Some ass gas takes a few moments to gather itself, like the pre-fight rituals of the Sumo. Some ass gas—when it does hit—it hits like a five-hundred-pound stink bomb.

After releasing my gas, I smiled back at the good doctor and then I started giggling. “I think… we…….. have… maybe ten seconds…… before evacuation is required,” was all I got out between giggles before it hit.

“Run!”

When I got home after my therapy session, I logged-on to my computer. I checked my emails and found one from Dr. Sam I. Am. Titled “Bill for Damages in the amount of $23,950.00,” I’m getting charged for the cost to remodel her office. Then there was a note at the bottom of the bill that said, “Mooner, you inappropriate redneck fuckball, I had to burn my clothes after your stupid stunt this am—that cost is in the $23K. You need to stop eating so much blue cheese.”

“Limburger cheese,” I said to my computer, “I’ve been eating Limburger cheese, not blue cheese.”

A buddy of mine Fed X’ed me a wheel of Limburger he found over to Germany. I love stinky cheese, and now it dawns on me that maybe my constipation is cheese-induced rather than of the angst-caused variety.

Whatever, I’ve somehow managed to digress myself to full distraction. My next inductee is a blogger and graphic artist with immense skills both ways. He makes smart comments and posts smart graphics over to his place at My Own Private Idaho. Brandon is one of the good guys and unafraid to ask the tough questions. Check out his most recent posting on the Pedobear and you’ll see what I mean.

Brandon did all of the designs for my line of FUCK RICK PERRY merchandise, a handsome assortment of political statements, and I just farted and killed the philodendron plant that sits next to my desk.

So raise a cold Carta Blanca beer with me to make a hearty toast to Brandon, inductee Number Four.

I think I’ve invented an organic method for removing wallpaper. I need to get the research department to do a feasibility study. Manana, y’all.

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7 Responses to “Blog Roller Inductee Numero Quatro; Rick Perry Is A Dumbass”

  1. Brandon says:

    4th is the unsung hero in the olympics. The coveted “tin” medal are worn by the few and the proud…

    I am glad to be inducted into the blogroll, and honored to be a cog in the “Fuck Rick Perry” machine. I have no plans to be in Texas, but if that ever changes you KNOW I’ll be sporting a FRP shirt with pride.

  2. admin says:

    Brandon. You are fourth on the Blog Roller but first in my heart.

    Classic overstatement aside, congrats to you. And since Rick Perry is running presidential ads in the midwest, you might get a chance to wear your FRP shirt up to Ideeho!

    Thanks for everything.

  3. Squatlo says:

    See? Shit works out. I’d be happy with the “tin” if you want to shuffle the blogroller list to appease sensitive types. Not being in the top two or three is how I roll. Why make it easier for “them” to find me, right?

    I’d rather be the anonymous hack who cuts the cheese at the therapist’s office than the guy who has to repaint the place.

    Fuck Rick Perry, and congrats to a well deserved blogger. Brandon’s one of the good ones.

  4. admin says:

    Squat. Brandon is a good one and I farted in the shower last night while I was washing my butt and melted my Ivory soap.

    FUCK RICK PERRY!

  5. Mooner, great choice for numero cuatro – I love Brandon – he’s mah Idahomie and his blog rocks balls!!

    But, um, as far as your wall-paper meltin’ gas…I’m thinking you’d better cut back on the cheese (not CUT THE CHEESE!) if you want me to still consider being wifey number 12.

  6. admin says:

    Reck. How you feeling? Number 7 suffered migraines, and suffer is the key word.

    Brandon is one of the good ones, and farts are a way of life. I need to spend an hour with the hooligan and teach him the manly arts!

  7. Mooner – the hooligan is quite adept at the man art of flatulence ALREADY. I’m frightened to think what will happen as his gastrointestinal tract grows, and he ingests gross combinations of things that men eat…

    I’ve been feeling better the latter half of this past week…no migraines, thank GAWD!!!

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