Haku Winners Announced; Texas Governor Rick Perry Still An Asshole


So. Today is the big announcement day for the winner of the Mooner Johnson’s Fuck Rick Perry! Haiku Contest. Maybe this is the the “First Annual” installment of said contest. If the silly shitbrain we call our governor makes a deep run for President, I’ll feel compelled to do this one more once.

The entries were many and varied. For shear volume, the Reckmonster is the clear winner. My sweet baby entered early and often. Brandon from over to My Own Private Idaho had several solid entries, and the two of them are the winners. Please overlook the fact that both are also among the early entries to my Bloggie Roller.

Gram says to me, she said, “Yer playin’ favor-ites, Mooner, ya little shitbird. Ya need ta let sumbody else win.”

In a way I agree with Gram. It would be better for my circulation if I was more inclusive with my awards. But I promised you nothing but truth, justice and full disclosures on these pages and the announcement of the winners further reinforces my appointments to the Bloggie Roller. I can’t “let” anyone in particular win, I need to let everyone in particular win.

Alright, stop. That should make sense but it just doesn’t. I was required in the name truth and honesty to not have prejudice in naming winners. Now that I’ve said that, I realize I have an entirely new set of problems. Think about this:

Since I am the judge, and I will be using my brain to judge; and my brain is fulled with experiences that influence my thinking; and, I’m a crazy ADHD-addled crazy fuckbrain; then, how in the hell can this contest have unbiased judging? How can a person using his brain to judge, be an unbiased judge?

I was disappointed that neither of my other entries over to the Roller even bothered to enter. Thank-Q was busy, so I understand his absence. Squatlo is a different can of beans in the altogether. Squatlo, is seems, is embarrassed with his skills as a poet. Embarrassment is a concept I’ve never managed to grasp so I find myself feeling a touch of superiority with this insight.

As smart as he is, I’m required to dig deep and stretch the fabric of reason to find ways to look down at Bob.

Anyway, Brandon is the winner of the “Most effective basic haiku” category with the following verse:

Thumping his Bible

All the way to President?


Clear, concise and straight to my point. Congratulations, Brandini.

The Reckmonster’s win is in the “Most Creative use of thematic materials” category. Check this one out:

FUCK politics, man.

RICK wants to be President

PERRY? Maybe Steve.

I love both her linear and Reck-d’linear logic strings. Three cheers for both winners! As soon as I get my fucking book published I’ll get autographed copies in the mail. Which reminds me.

Did you guys see where the mini-brained religious shitball we call governor is asking the Feds for $349 million of new aid? That’s right, little mister “We don’t need no Federal assistance” is practically demanding the money to pay for illegal alien prisoners in our jails. Ricky’s idea on this one is to make the Feds look bad because we lack safe borders and let all the riff-raff into our state.

What he fails to mention is that his very own “Job Growth”[,] which forms the backbone of his Presidential campaign, has attracted thousands of undocumented workers to our state to snatch up all of those amazing job opportunities the Prickster is bragging about. All of those high-paying new positions with huge salaries. Ri—ght. When your population is populaced with an influx of illegals, your fucking prison populations will generally reflect said populace.

Two-faced, lying sack of shit. FUCK RICK PERRY!

Is “populaced” a word? Maybe I should have said, “…your fucking prison populace will reflect said population.” Of course, I would need to change the first part of the sentence structure as well.

But whateverthefuck, Rick Perry is an evil little shitball.

Ugh. Need Carta Blanca beer. Manana, y’all.

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2 Responses to “Haku Winners Announced; Texas Governor Rick Perry Still An Asshole”

  1. YAYYYYYYYY!! I won! I won! And I know that I probably won because I am your future 12th wife…but I don’t give a shit. I’ll take a win, even if it is tainted (and yes, I know how you feel about taints!). Congrats to Brandon too!

    And to honor your ever-evolving disdain for Prick Perry…I leave you with a special link to an article that will have you smiling and giggling like a giddy school girl: http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0811/62214.html

  2. admin says:

    Reck. Congrats and thanks for that link. Perry is a Bozo. A dangerous Bozo.

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