Ugh! Conundrums And False Hypothosissi


So. I’m in a pickle and I can’t get out. It’s already past time for me to have named my fourth inductee to my Blog Roller and I’m in quite the pickle—I’m all conundrumed. Conundrumerated? Whateverthefuck, I’m in the pickle jar.

My first three inductees were easy to name because I both enjoy their works and have developed a personal connection to them. It was quite easy for me to set that bar high and make it stick. The next two were going to be easy too. They are two women whom I admire greatly and I couldn’t wait to get shit fixed internally in my website so I could get started naming names.

I didn’t want to have a Blog Roller until I was certain that all vestiges of the Trojan horse viruses previously planted had been removed from my software and hardware. In order to fix those problems, my webber fix-up guy: gave my system heart, liver, lung and kidney transplants; he changed the oil, replaced the blood supply, performed a Dilation and Curettage procedure (that’s a D-and-C boys) and a partial Pre-frontal Lobotomy; and then he removed many of the optional features from my Word Press software to prevent me from fucking stuff up.

So I removed the old Blog Roller and waited, somewhat patiently, until all of the aforementioned fixes and improvements could be completed. As I somewhat patiently waited, I began to compile my list of inductees and develop the grading system to be used when formatting the announcements. I had made it through the first ten names to get listed and had likewise contrived suitable explanations as to why they were getting inducted.

I was ready to move forward the minute I got the “All Clear” pronouncement from Dustin the Webber Guru. I named my first three with great alacrities and was proud to do so. But numbers fourth and fifth became problematic. It took so fucking long to fix my shit here to Mooner Land that the next two bloggies I want to list have changed.

The first change was due to the employment pressures of its writer. She has found herself working too much to write. I pulled the plug on naming her because I don’t want to send people over there to see a most recent post dated weeks ago. That would be unfair to all of us. When she gets things back to normal I’ll name her.

But, of course, that’s also unfair to her. Why should she be moved lower on the list simply because she has life pressures that prevent her from writing for awhile. I have been beating myself up over this one and I still can’t figure out what to do.

The second lady in this debate chose the moment I was to name her as the same fucking moment to announce that she is changing her bloggie’s content. What the fuck? You hook me with your wit and unfettered thinkings and then you decide to self-censor? Here again, I get it, I understand that you want to be careful with the legacy of your words. But your timing and mine are of of sync.

Now I have an even bigger problem. My full-disclosure promise to you guys is setting me up for some possible difficulties. First, whomever I next name will have hurt feelings because they will know that their fourth and fifth places were, originally, sixth and seventh. What that means in the big picture is that my award, my pat-on-the-back, might seem like a slap in the face to them.

Then there’s this. Now that I’ve had all of this extra time to think about this I’m questioning my original hypothesises as to how to rank my inductees. Maybe that should be hypothesissi. But it can’t be that since the Mississippi is singular in every way. I wish I’d payed more attention in English class. Upon further thought, I bet it’s the same sort of dealie as when you have more than one hippopotamus, right. So, it’s obviously hypothesissi.

Which reminds me. My ADHD has been on total brain fritz the last several weeks over the entire debt ceiling crisis bullshit. Hearing what the politicians and pundits have been saying is driving me totally fucking nuts. I do not like when people posture and preen to get attention. When a peacock struts his brightly-colored feathers to gain the favors of a shecock, I’m OK with that.

But when humans stand before cameras and microphones to curry the favor of their asshole constituents, I want to puke. I haven’t yelled at the television this much since the end of college football season.

Ugh. Need Carta Blanca beer now! Manana, y’all.

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2 Responses to “Ugh! Conundrums And False Hypothosissi”

  1. Squatlo says:

    I can solve your blobber blogrolly thing in a heartbeat, Mr. Mooner… since Brandon worked his ass off making your Fuck Rick Perry product line marketable with his graphics genius, you owe him nothing less than the next slot on your list… and (here’s the nice part of my advice) henceforth decline from listing “in order of wonderfulness” or whatever standard you were using. Just name one every once in a while, make the nominee feel grateful for the spot on your list, and move on to your next rant or fishing trip.

    But Brandon needs to get his name on there, ’cause his shit is funny as hell AND he likes to poke fun at organized religions as much as we do…

  2. admin says:

    Squat. You just hit the nail on my head. Brandon is precisiely who (whom) I’m concerned about hurting. He’s currently next in line for naming, but he knows that I had other things planned.

    Now you have added layers of shit to my already overloaded sandwich. Things are soooooo fucking simple for you. What if he reads this and not only thinks I’m an asshole for making him my second choice for fourth, but also thinks that I had to be pressured by you to do that?

    Fucking ugh. And Fuck Rick Perry too.

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