Welly, Welly, welly Well; Rick Perry Is Bad For The Environment


So. I’ve got this huge fucking debate roiling around in my head. It started as I was getting ready to start the water to cook the pasta to go with the turkey meatballs we made for dinner. I drew the “protein” card for tonight’s dinner and Squirt drew a “carbohydrate” card. I figured that I can kill two birds with the single dish by teaching the Squirt how to make meatballs and pasta.

I’m a multi-tasking son of a bitch.

I got the big pasta pot out of the pantry. When I say the “big” pot I’m differentiating between the three other pasta pots we have. I’ve got the baby bear pasta pot, momma bear, daddy bear and then the great big fucking bear of pasta pots. Since we’ll number nine humans, on each dog, cat, American domesticated hog and a single African ostrich populating the dinner table—the big pasta pot is the order of the day. It’s the same pot I use to steam blue crabs and boil crawfish.

Which reminds me. Squatlo. Listen up. It’s crawfish, not crayfish. Crayfish is what sissies call mud bugs.

I got the pot out and I was telling my little dog about how you need to have a sufficient quantity of water when you cook pasta if you want to cook it correctly. Normally the cat we call Honor would be tailing me as well, but she was out hunting for some doves. Honor drew an “appetizer” card and wanted to offer some grilled birdies. Last I noticed she had collected two doves, three sparrows, half-a-dozen lizards and a rat.

I am not eating the fucking rat. I don’t care how you cook them they ALWAYS taste like rat.

Squirt and I decided to make the meatballs from ground turkey—not my choice—but not altogether bad. We made the meatballs with fresh Mexican oregano, onion and garlic in a fine dice, Parma-Reggi, bread crumbs from a left-over ciabatta loaf, and this nifty smoked paprika I got from Spain.

OK, let’s stop for one minute. Up there when I typed “ciabatta”[,] I got red squiggly lines. When I highlighted it to see what I did wrong, my Vista operating system spell checker dealie gave me the following choices: adiabatic, abattoir, battalion, and coattail. What in the fuck?

I’m starting to wonder if maybe Texas Governor Rick Perry had something to do with this. What with all the dumbing-down of our schools in Texas, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if the little Prickster was involved.

Of course, it might also be that the Vista Spell Checker Programmer Team up to Microsoft are all devious assholes hellbent to ruin my life.

Anyway, I took the big pot to the sink to fill it with water. I moved the spout over the pot and turned it on. “Alto, Senor Mooner,” Squirt barked at me. “Stop, I said. Tu ne veux pas d’eau chaude?”

I looked down at the little dog and found myself somewhat perplexed at her question. She was right. Did I want hot water from the spout to the pot, wasting many gallons of precious H2O as it ran the pipes from my solar heater, or should I rather put the first gallons to spill from the spout into the pot and spend more propane gas energy to heat that?

“That’s a mighty smart question, little lady. We’ve got a solar water heating system but the only way to maker it “instant hot” is to pump it around using electricity—a total waste of energy. So, our debate here is this: are we better off to waste the water to get it hot or the propane to get the first cold water heated?”

After my ranting at the Prickster, Rick Perry, this morning, I think I need to be cautious with my own water/energy consumptions. Which reminds me. Can you believe that little fuckball is associated with those crazy modern day prophet shits? I don’t know where my head has been, but little Ricky has been sleeping with that bunch of charismatic Christians who think God comes to speak with them on a regular basis, and I was unaware.

After Jim Jones and David Koresh and the rest of those silly fuckers, you’d think those dumb asses would think twice before saying silly shit like, “God came to me early this morning to tell me that He was killing some blackbirds up to Arkansas because Billy Clinton is from Arkansas, and he put that “don’t ask, don’t tell” dealie in the Army, and that’s why Hurricane Katrina blasted New Orleans and Elvis died young.”

Then again, before I go getting all sanctimonious about that entire dealie I might need to rethink a little as well. Seems I’ve been visited by the big guy myownself a few times. Maybe I should have said “The Big Guy”[.] He seems to visit me when I’m all drugged out on pain meds. Maybe I should drown a few Vicadin with a few icy-cold Carta Blancas and plan a visit.

Having said all of that, I think I have an answer to my question. Energy is a commodity available in thousands of resources. Everything from coal to rubber bands can produce energy. But water is a single source entity—the only water we have is the water we’ve got.

So, therefore, I officially decree that water trumps energy.

All of which has given me an idea. What if I can invent a fresh pasta that cooks in cold water? Anybody have any ideas?

Manana, y’all.

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9 Responses to “Welly, Welly, welly Well; Rick Perry Is Bad For The Environment”

  1. Squatlo says:

    Okay, crayfish or crawfish, it’s all bait to my ass. I’m not eating bait. Ever. If you had a great nightcrawler recipe I wouldn’t taste it. Don’t care how fantastic candy crickets are, not tasting them either. Fuck crayfish/crawfish/mud bugs… Seriously, how hungry do you have to be to eat THAT thing?

    Cooking pasta in cold water? Might have something there. Pasta noodles so fresh and tender they completely “cook” at room temp?

    (of course, then some health group would sue your ass because undercooked pasta causes Smallpox in crawfish or something…)

  2. admin says:

    Squat. My feelings are harmed that you missed my welly-well reference. Maybe it’s time for a little of the old in-and-out.

  3. Rick Perry being bad for the environment is pretty high on the list of trueisms. His so called Texas miracle is more about stealing companies from other states than actual new job creation. Why would people in other states vote for the guy that worked to pull a factory from their state to Texas. Here in Kansas a number of business moved there offices to Texas, some the whole damn plant. Yet, if he is the wonder boy for the repubs Kansas will reward the thief with both our electoral votes.
    Oh, the best crawdads I ever had were in Sweden, they imported them from the US, put them in a few selected lakes, wow that clear cold water makes some sweet meat.

  4. admin says:

    YF. Kansas is one of the many states we screwed with bait of greed. Prick Perry is willing to sell anything to win elections. And mark my words, you ain’t seen nothing yet!


  5. Squatlo says:

    welly-well? I’m lost, gotta admit… Noticed it in the comments of your last post, too…

  6. admin says:

    Squat. A Clockwork Orange.

  7. Squatlo says:

    Mooner, I may loose my Stanley Kubrick merit badge for saying this, but if I saw A Clockwork Orange I’ve succeeded in mentally repressing the memory completely. I know the premise, love the music, and have seen ten thousand photos and read all the reviews, but I don’t think I’ve actually put myself through the ordeal of watching the entire film.

    I didn’t see Barry Lyndon or whatever that one was called, either.

    But I like your cold-water pasta dealie, and Fuck Rick Perry.

  8. Squat. Those two films might have been aided by the magic mushroom juice that courses through my veins. That said, their filming was cinematic beauty.

    Clockwork still gives me the willies.

    FUCK RICK PERRY indeed!

  9. Rick Perry sucks balls.
    NO PASTA for Rick Perry.
    Poor Environment!

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