Rick Perry And Tx Aggies Taste Ass


So. I’m usually not one to gloat over another man’s losses, but in the name of truth and full-disclosure, please allow me this one moment. How’s that ass taste, Aggies?

In typical Texas A&M fashion, the Aggies are moving from the Big 12 Conference, where they are relevant in a positive way, and running away to the SEC. Regrettable for them, this is akin to Hitler saying, “I think the French are too difficult to fight. Somebody call Japanese Emperor Hirohito and ask him to get us a war with the Americans.”

Not that the Big 12 is such a pussy football league as we have the best non-conference record in college football. But really, Aggies, the fucking SEC?

I wish I could have been sitting with the pompous prick, Rick Perry, to watch his reactions to his Aggie’s second half meltdown in yesterday’s game. Just like his own presidential campaign, the Aggies started fast and built up a huge lead early. Same as Rick Perry, Aggie football broke free for a 17-point lead partway through the contest as they bullied OK State’s Cowboys around.

But after halftime, the stupid took a grip, and dumb play after dumb play ended in an Aggie loss.

Metaphors. Life’s finger pointed at dumbass.

For a special treat, go to my last post and read BJ’s comment. He is a seriously funny shitbird. And we share a love of all things Fire Sign Theater. He posted the entire I Think We’re All Bozos On This Bus album over to his place. He says it’s an MP-3 and so the audio is crystal-clear. My personal copy is vinyl and sounds like it was recorded during a sand storm. Click over there -} to Dumb Perignon and take a listen.

After that, do me a favor and check in with Squatlo over to his Rant. He’s letting his big heart take control of his big brain. Maybe it’s the brain in control of the heart, but who gives a shit. He’s feeling all dooms day’y with his knickers in a wad over the national political climate. I think his real problem is that his beloved Vols lost to fucking Florida.

Which thought returns my ADHD-addled brain back to Rick Perry and the SEC. I see the state of Texas as Rick Perry’s Big 12 Conference and the Presidential race as his SEC. The Prickster has been able to hold his own here in statewide elections. But he’s just too evil and way too fucking stupid to make it on the big stage.

My hope is that the national stage will expose him in such a way as to ruin his chances back to home. We Texans have suffered enough already. Not that I’m stopping my presses to demonstrate what a silly fuckwad Perry is.

As soon as the dust of breakfast settles, we’re headed to Dr. Sam I. Am-Johnson’s house to mow the lawn. This will be Yoda’s first lawn mowing experience. He’s very excited. Doesn’t take much to excite the young dog.

Ah, the beauty of naïve youth. I wish I had me some. Manana, y’all.

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3 Responses to “Rick Perry And Tx Aggies Taste Ass”

  1. Squatty says:

    Alright, first of all, if I got my panties all wadded up every time Florida beat my Vols, I’d be as bitchy as Sarah Palin in a room full of blind liberals… you know, people who aren’t paying attention to her wonderfullness, taking pictures, asking her softball questions about Paul Revere’s ride and such.

    No, my problems don’t stem from a football hangover. We lose to Florida about as often as Pat Robertson blames a natural disaster on gay sex… about once a year in football, and twice a year in hoops. It’s a given. Part of my eternal curse for having dissed Florida’s shitty sand-infested soil once upon a spring break trip when I couldn’t find my fucking glasses one hung-over morning.

    Fuck Florida. And Rick Perry.

    And the Aggies are about as exciting for the average SEC fan as if we had just invited Boise Fucking State to join the conference. Does anyone in charge of anything ever think about the fans anymore? Who in hell thinks someone from Lexington Kentucky is going to buy plane tickets for a trip to see the Wildcats and Aggies play football in Texas??? Can you see someone from Columbia South Carolina getting all atwitter about a trip to see the Aggies “lick” the Cocks? We’ll get plenty of Aggie cocklicking action watching the rest of Rick Perry’s flameout in the national campaign.

    No, we need the Aggies like a nun needs herpes. The whole idea of a Southeastern Conference spreading out into the Southwest is blasphemy to purists like myself. There are plenty of respectable schools in this area we could invite in… George Tech, North Carolina, Clemson, Florida State, hell, even Louisville would make a better fit and more exciting opponent than an Aggie.

    Like American politics, the people and fans be damned, it’s all about the fucking money.

    Life sucks, then you die, and someone gets to argue about your shit.

    Fuck Rick Perry. And Texas A&M. And the SEC for inviting them into the best football conference in the history of sports.

    It’s 11AM and I want a cold beer… see what you’ve done to my day, dammit?

  2. Squatty says:

    Please ignore the irate grump in the previous comment posting. He’s suffering from low sperm count due to excessive sexual abuse from his lovely and dangerous wife, and needs fluids.

  3. admin says:

    Squat. Poor sweet baby. But you need to see the bright side. The Aggies now represent an annual W for your Vols. Just like the rich kid nobody wants to pick for his team, the Aggies will revel in getting their ass kicked simply because you let them play with you.

    As for your other suffering, oysters and Carta Blanca beer to the rescue. Or try a one-second half-dose from a Model A-2b professional stun gun. Nothing says I love you like a stun gun woodie.

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