The New Minority Majority Leader; Who Is John Boehner?


So. I was just watching the early morning news and they were doing a story on the silly spat over the President’s speech about jobs next week. I think both sides exhibited childish behaviors in this little dealio, but that’s not what struck me when I saw the story.

Nope, what caught my attention was, when they placed video of the Prez and House Speaker Boehner side-by-side, I did a double-take. OK, let me fully disclose the situation before I get my pecker in a crack.

We were at breakfast, the entire Johnson crew. Since it’s Thursday, everyone eats a hearty breakfast and then heads to the garden where we’ll strip our spindly veggie stalks of what little produce is left on their drought-dried stems. That meager harvest will go with the animals and me {myself?} to the Food Bank. I firmly believe that it is a crime to let a neighbor go hungry.

Maybe somebody wants to steal that for use as their motto or slogan or whateverthefuck you call your thingie. You have my permission to steal it. Hunger scares me. Having hungry Americans make me mad.

After the Food Bank drop-off, we’re headed to San Antonio to meet an ostrich rancher. My vet didn’t have much confidence in his abilities to administer proper health care for Rick Perry, and this guy is an expert with the big African birds.

Anyway, we were at the breakfast table with the TV on in the corner of the room. I was reading the newspaper—sports section—and how the Texas A&M is moving to the SEC. “It’s about fucking time,” I said to no one and everyone at the same time. “The Aggies are acting like the Governor with this SEC business, dragging the announcement out like it’s the most important decision ever.”

I grumbled something else and was startled when my Gram burst out laughing.

“Would ya lookie there, hahahahahaaa!”

She was clutching her bony ribs in her left arm and pointing to the TV with her right index finger. For some reason I’m always reminded of the witch with the bad compass headings from the Wizard of Oz when my Gram points.

We all looked at the TV, and the side-by-side vids. It took a couple seconds, but one-by-one we each caught Gram’s drift and started hooting ourselves.

When the story was over, it was Mother who best said what we all thought.

“Oh my goodness. That John Boehner is blacker than the President. I had no idea that he was an African American,” Mother said. “If he’s African American how can he be so strongly against social programs? We need to be able to count on our minority politicians to fight for social justice.”


I need to go join the harvest crew and make sure Gram doesn’t shoot Rush Limbaugh. The big hog has a tendency to get under her skin. So ice down the Carta Blanca beer and get ready for another scorcher. Manana, y’all.

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2 Responses to “The New Minority Majority Leader; Who Is John Boehner?”

  1. Squatlo says:

    Well, as an SEC sports fan, none of us is getting our nipples hard thinking about adding A&M to the slate. It’s not that we’re afraid of the mighty Aggies (cough, cough) or any other team from that god-forsaken state your yours, Mooner, but that might mean we’d have to travel down there to see our Vols play ball. Even worse, that would mean a bi-annual (is that every other year or twice a year… semi-annual?) infestation of Texans to our state. Many of them would come and go without causing too much of a fuss, other than bitching because our barbeque wasn’t hot enough or our tea was too sweet… but some of them would no doubt take a look around east Tennessee during a fall trip to Neyland Stadium, see actual mountains (“Wut the hell is that over there, Myrtel?”…”I think it’s called a hill, Virgil.”) and decide to stay.
    See, our greatest fear is that once Texans get a look at (A)real football being played by a team in proper colors, and (B) countryside that isn’t sage-brush parched cacti-scorpion infested desert, they might want to relocate to Tennessee.

    Next thing you know we’d be electing batshit stupid politicians like Rick Perry, George Bush, Louie Gomert, Phil Graham, and then people like Glenn Beck would want to move here to be among their own kind.

    I’d rather the SEC add Virginia Tech, or North Carolina, or some team from a less dangerous state. I’m all for building that fence along our southern border, after all.

    Where’s my beer…?

  2. Squat. OK, first, the Aggies are sissies and crybabies. Their “excuse” for leaving the Big 12 is that Texas now has its own TV network on ESPN. What they fail to acknowledge is that we at Texas INVITED the little shitballs to join us when it was first conceived. They said no.

    Then, after we built our brand into a $20 million a year sale to ESPN, those whiny-assed sissy boys wanted a part. We said nope, they said goodbye Big 12.

    Adios, mother fuckers. Let me know how that SEC ass tastes! You boys are in for some ass whuppin.

    As for the Smoky Mountains state, most Aggies won’t see the beauty unless the meadows are filled with sheep. I would lock up my ewes when they come to town. And buy your coyotes bullet-proof vests. The prick, Texas Governor is an Aggie.

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