Midnight Might As Well Be Here; A Final Installment


So. It’s now 11:23 and I can’t feel my feet. I’ve still managed to pass enough parts of field sobriety tests to be able to legally challenge a drunk driving arrest, but I’ll tell you here and now that I am unsafe at any speed. I’ve got Don Henley on the stereo and I’m on the brink of crying like a baby even if you don’t love me anymore.

SAC Ellen is ready to take me to bed and zap me with a light dosing from her stunner gun. I think I might be ready as well. I really do think I’d fuck a lamp post if I could find the sweet spot.

Thanksgiving is likely my favorite of all the holidays because the only gifts exchanged are the gifts of love that take the form of cooking and driving or otherwise traveling great distances, and in the simple acts of existing as humans in the same proximate spaces.

I am a grateful man for all that I have. I am grateful for the incredible and fretful family that surrounds me and loves me conditionally, and I’m grateful for the near unconditional love administered to me by the menagerie of semi-domesticated animals which (who?) populate my life. I am one of those humans who does not think that love, real love, can be given without conditions. Actual love requires certain conditions by its very definition.

When I think of all the awful things that have happened to me in my crazy life and the simple fact that I have survived all of these years without significant and major trauma; when I cogitate on all of the stupid things I have done without receiving a life sentence, or worse, I am grateful.

I wish that I could say, “Thank you God, for caring and protecting me,” but I have a crystal clear understanding that God, in whatever format he/she/it might exist, couldn’t really give a rat’s ass that I’m grateful. If God does exist, that supreme being is likely drinking beer, Carta Blanca beer, with his buddies and the conversation is going something like this:

“So. Has anyone read Mooner Johnson’s book, Full Rising Mooner? He’s a crazy son of a bitch, but funny as all hell and back.”

At least that’s what I wish. Happy turkey day kiddies. I’m going to beddie bye.

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3 Responses to “Midnight Might As Well Be Here; A Final Installment”

  1. bj says:

    Sounds to me like you got it down in Aces, my friend. “What don’t kill ya’, makes ya’ stronger” … at least EVENTUALLY … Love is a two way street and has conditions …. that is, if yer “cogitations” coincide with another feeling, huming bean …. and …. any God werth his salt is havin’ a good time and gigglin’ his ass off at the silly shit we thimk is important, and our ‘plans’. Here’s wishing you and yours a Thanksgiving that “Can’t be beat “. Hope yer day is filled with good friends and family, good food to share with them, and all the Love you were MEANT to enjoy. Life is truly good …..
    ps: UNLESS you cooked that dressin’ to long and dried it all out!

  2. admin says:

    BJ. OK, first, right back at ya, the dog, bird and the lovely Ms. Baby. Dressing is perfect, but turkey is my nemisis.

  3. melanie says:

    Happy Thanksgiving Mooner!

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