The Review Is Here!!! Full Rising Mooner- Picked, Or Panned???

 

So. Everybody listen up. Part of publishing a book is having it reviewed, and the most important part of having it reviewed is when independent and third-party professional reviewers do the review. Publishers send a writer’s manuscript to key reviewers—hopefully ones with skills and understandings of said writer’s book’s type—and awaiting the arrival of the first of those reviews is nerve shattering.

I want you to know that my ADHD has been on super-high alert, making me bonkers as I’ve checked my emails dozens-of-times daily to catch my first professional review.

It’s here. It’s here and I’m afraid to read it. It arrived in some funky fucking program that wouldn’t easily open for me, but I finally got it open and pasted to this page.

I haven’t read it yet because this bloggie forum has become my second skin—the chaffed yet comfortable blanket providing warmth to my soul. I want to publish this thing to you before I read it. I want to maintain my full-disclosure relationship with you guys, and I’ll live, or die, with your eyes on the target.

OK, suck it up, Mooner, you big fucking pansy-assed crybaby.

Look, everyone, this is a very big deal to me and I want to share it with you as if you are at my wrap party. Just like in those 1930’s movies about Broadway shows, as the cast and crew sat in a Park Avenue Penthouse waiting for the papers to publish the good, or bad, reviews. I’ve already had a few Carta Blanca beers, so go grab your beverage of choice, and read along with me.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you, the review:

ForeWord Clarion Review

FICTION: HUMOR

Full Rising Mooner: The Most Inappropriate Man in the World

Don Legacy

CreateSpace

978-1-4563-3986-9

Four Stars (out of Five)

“My name is Mooner Johnson, and I’m a crazy man. I’m not lock-away-to-the-loony-bin-and-

throw-away-the-keys crazy—not the dangerous to society sort of crazy. I’m the variety of crazy

that makes for ten ex-wives and great campfire stories.”

In Full Rising Mooner, one of the incidents Butcher Einstein Johnson relates is how he

got the nickname “Mooner” by his first-grade classmates on the first day of school, and how he’s

held onto this identity well into adulthood. Thoroughly open about his attention-deficit

hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), Mooner writes and rants in first person about his life as a

compost entrepreneur from Austin, Texas. Using strong language, he constantly lambastes the

two things he dislikes most: Republicans and Baptists.

But Mooner’s ADHD is not his only problem. The plot of Don Legacy’s Full Rising

Mooner unfolds as the severed arm of one of Mooner’s foes is found at his place of business, and

he becomes the main suspect in the man’s murder. Because he keeps a journal for his therapist,

who happens to be ex-wife number one, Mooner jots down entries on “Postie Notes” throughout

the book, even when he’s tossed into the local mental hospital.

With the assistance of his mysterious and mystic lifelong friend Streaker Jones, his

potion-plying Gram (grandmother), and his current girlfriend, a news reporter named Sunny,

Mooner tries to determine whether he really did commit the crime.

Legacy has created a likable if unusually quirky main character whose memorable antics

will remain with readers long after they’ve finished the book. The deftly woven in backstories

are especially enjoyable to read and ruminate on; a good example is the enduring friendship

between Mooner and Streaker. Also intriguing is the way the author nonchalantly adds nuggets

of information incrementally throughout the story; the result is a continual fleshing out of

previously presented information.

The character, manner, and thoughts of Mooner Johnson are an acquired taste, however,

and some readers may fail to see the humor in the book’s very adult language, situations, and

potentially offensive subject matter. For example, Mooner drops his trousers to emphasize

political statements and uses the f-word as easily as he breathes. That said, the situations he finds

himself in are oftentimes hilarious and absurd to the extreme. Readers will especially enjoy the

supporting cast of characters. Full Rising Mooner is for readers who have a high threshold for

ribald humor and raw language.

Don Legacy is the retired president of a compost manufacturing and erosion control

business in Austin, Texas. He has characterized Mooner as “my ego altered.”

Robin Edmunds

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12 Responses to “The Review Is Here!!! Full Rising Mooner- Picked, Or Panned???”

  1. How cool! That’s a nice review, Don! Really… how much did you pay this person to pretend to be a professional reviewist? Reviewer? Reviewator?

    Actually, I’ve just gotten out from under the fleece in our bed where I fell asleep trying to read chapter seventeen. I did enjoy the story of your tequila party with the Sprouts store manager in Chapter 15’s cameltoe incident. If I can stay awake long enough to finish this thing (and I swear that’s not a knock on the content, I just can’t read without dosing off these days… I think it has something to do with the fact that the only place in the house where I can stop shivering long enough to hold a book steady is in our bed under quilts and fleece, and that’s conducive to dosing off…)

  2. Dude.

    Dude.

    This is fantastic.

    I’m actually working on adding a button to my site, pimping the book in your honor. Redirect it to amazon, or what is the best moneymaker for you?

    I’d normally say “Fuck Rick Perry” right about now, but after this book review “Rick Perry Fucked” seems a little better.

    Congrats!

  3. Mooner, dahhhhhhling…that right there is a review to be proud of! Is this “Robin” reviewer a male or female?! Because I don’t want Robin (the possible female) to think she can horn her way into the 12th wife position. If you want, you can make her (if it is a “her”) wifey #11 and be done with it… In the case that Robin is a “he” – well, then he has good taste. Fuck the “readers” who might not find the humor in the book – those would be the Republicans and Baptists, IMHO. The rest of us hilarious fuckers already know that you’re the cat’s meow and you’re funny as all fucking get out! I am a huge loser because I haven’t been reading ANYTHING but bullshit at work and the NON-WINNING lottery numbers on those stupid fucking tickets I want refunds on, so I have yet to post my review. I promise though, I’ll get on it and read the whole book and write a thought-provoking review. For now, congrats on the review from a complete stranger! Cheers (with figurative Carta Blanca in hand)!!

  4. admin says:

    Squat. Thanks for the kind words. I think with a strong dosing and under cover is the best place to read my shitty book. That way you won’t hurt youself by falling out the chair when you doze off. Also, the bedroom usually is devoid of objects of sufficient sharpness to slit your wrists.

    Brandini. Thanks to you and also for the pimpage. Linking to Amazon is best for now.

    Reck, baby. I know not of fair Robin’s gendering, but will perform due dilligence post haste. I know how busy you are and will await with baited breath your reading, and subsequent reviewing. Keep the home fires burning and send pics of your roasting marshmallows.

  5. melanie says:

    GAA! I need to read faster! I am about midway through now (I think)…I guess it will be my Christmas present to you, because that is when I anticipate finished the book. Something to look forward to?

  6. admin says:

    Mel. Be careful as my shitty book is unsafe at any speed. It’s like the literary Corvair.

  7. chrisinphx says:

    4 stars..woot woot!
    I need the other half to get a damn hobby so he will leave me alone long enough to get more than 5 pages in at a time.

  8. admin says:

    Chris. Tell him you’ll make him read it if he won’t leave you alone.

  9. beej says:

    Well …. That’s a well deserved review! And just ’cause I never heard of Robin Edmunds don’t mean yer book ain’t no ‘count … and I’ma READ yer book too, even tho the “Literary Corvair” caveat has stirred up my self protection wonderments. BUT …. just to be SURE …. I did a Google search and found the following references to Robin Edmunds:

    “Robin Edmunds, mother of two high schoolers at Chaska and Chanhassen high schools, said a sex ed seminar at one of the schools covering condom use “raped my children’s minds and souls,” and suggested that the proposed bill would offend many conservatives throughout the state.” This is probably NOT our Robin Edmunds; even IF her take on sex ed is accurate and generally accepted as true.

    “Fishing: If you have a long carbon-fibre rod don’t go out in thunderstorms, and keep away from power lines as they conduct electricity. – Robin Edmunds.” This is also probably NOT our Robin Edmunds either; although I have bookmarked that page for further perusal …. I’m interested to read exactly what experiments he did to arrive at that conclusion … and especially the resulting consequences. I know that from a personal standpoint, I LOVE fishing over power lines with MY carbon-fibered Pole …. whether there’s a thunderstorm occurring or no.

    “ForeWord Book Reviews: Robin Farrell Edmunds – Books Reviewed -” Then there’s this long list of books that have been reviewed by Robin Farrell Edmunds; but no bio of or claims of veracity attributed TO Robin Farrell Edmunds …. and no gender described either. This most likely IS our Robin Edmunds even if yer book is not one listed as having been reviewed by him/her/them as of yet. I imagine that when the site does it’s semi-annual update …. An image of YER book will take up the whole page …. and other reviews/comments/and awards given to yer book will take up at least another whole page.

    In conclusion, though there was no concluded conclusions concerning the correctness of Edmunds conclusions INcluded …. I …. think this review was REALLY the review that reviewer Robin Edmunds was referring to when writing the review of YER book.
    Further concluded conclusions, to conclude from the afore-mentioned conclusions, conclude that yer Book “Full Rising Mooner” (without jumping to conclusions, here) is good fer Human Beans, of a legally legal age anywho, to read. ‘But ‘cept for Republitards and Babdismalists; who should abstain from reading anything yer Momma says is embarrassing to her.

    Congratulizations, Mooner! …. Take a break …. Now get back to werk!

  10. admin says:

    Beej. Lock my book in your gun safe and leave the house! I am concluding that you have appearantly contracted my ADHD, and the worse aspects thereof. Excessive reuse of “C” words is an early signal of having contracted said disease, and the most serious at that.

    As for that one Robin Edmunds, I have no long carbon-fibre rod as mine is somewhat compact and, I can assure you, made solid of carbon-based metabolisms. However, I never take it fishing in a fucking thunderstorm. Fuck the lady Edmunds and her New England crabbinesses.

    I’ll four of five stars any fucking day. I’m especially impressed with the “…deftly woven-in backstories…” part. I’ve never been called deft ever before. Daft, indeed and often. But deft? Never.

  11. Q says:

    Mooner, that is so cool to have an independent review turn out so positive! The book is really creative and clever and I can’t wait to finish making my way through it! Congrats on the 4 out of 5 and I’m guessing we’re going to see a 2nd book in the future!

  12. admin says:

    Q. Thanks. I’m told that we writers need to suffer for our craft. I’ve been told, recently and often, that I need to suffer some more. It’s a huge pain in the ass to write a book, but I’ve a big ass to pain.

    Net results… Maybe.

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