Focus, Mooner, Focus; Book Launch Party VS Overlord Duties

 

So. Today is the big day! The book launch party for Full Rising Mooner is tonight. I think I’ve got everything in place to have a nifty event—food, Carta Blanca beer, entertainment and more Carta Blanca beer.

Which reminds me. Overlord of the Fucking Universe law alert. It is now illegal to have children under the age of sixteen in beauty pageants. It’s also illegal to tan any child under age sixteen. This ban includes tanning booths, spray tans and intentional exposures to the sun.

I need to start numbering my O, FU laws. Let’s call this one O, FU Law # 7. Offending mothers will be sold to Saudi Arabia as sex slaves. The money from those sales will be put into the Veterans’ Affairs budget for the Reckmonster.

Speaking of the Saudis, do you guys realize that all of this Middle East strife and all of the Muslim terrorism worldwide is the fault of the Western World? The nomadic Muslim peoples of that part of the world were quite content with their life consisting of a goat meat and fig diet, camel farts and sand storms. They spent centuries perfecting, adapting their lifestyle to the harsh realities of their environment, and were quite happy while at it. Proud people with strict rules.

Strict rules are required for people to remain civilized when living in harsh circumstances with limited resources.

Then here we come, first as Christians, crusading and slaughtering them because they were infidels. Infidels who occupied the reported stomping grounds of Jesus. We swept in with our iron-clad armies and we raped and pillaged in the manner practiced by armies of the “civilized” world. Just like the racists of modern times, Christians of the Crusades and Dark Ages looked at the dark skinned Islamics as sub-human creatures—not up to human standards, but not apes either.

The net results of the Crusades were, basically, they kicked Christian ass back to Paris and London, and we managed to plant the seeds of hate that grew into the poisoned tree that is today’s Muslin extremist teachings.

To make the extremist Muslims problematic, our greed for growth and possessions made oil the most valuable commodity on Earth.

Our lust for their oil finances their terrorism of us.

If you think about it fairly, that would be one of those “Even-Steven” kinds of dealies.

I hate what terrorists do. Any terrorist. But I don’t feel any differently about Muslim terrorists than I do about Christians who display the same religious-based ideas. When you attempt to force your religious dogmas on others, or you bully others because they don’t believe as you—that, dear friends, is terrorism.

O, FU Law #8 says, “Terrorist shall be punished in like kind, squared.”

Ugh. It’s difficult being Overlord while attempting to be a writer. I should be spending time getting ready for tonight, yet here I am pondering the world views of a monarch.

Which reminds me of another law. Yoda just shit on my favorite Navajo rug, so O, FU Law #9 states that any person caught running a puppy mill, or any other grossly inhumane animal husbandry operation, shall be caged in five-by-five-five-foot wire cages and removed twice a day for meals of grub worms and corn meal, to take a shit on raw dirt, and a beating. Any time they act up, they’ll be required to fight another offender to the death.

It’s OK to breed animals as pets and food but it isn’t OK to abuse them or harm them for sport.

Ugh, again. I need new products with the O, FU logo. And I need a beer. I’m going to start focusing on the book party now. That should be quite an endeavor, me focusing.

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9 Responses to “Focus, Mooner, Focus; Book Launch Party VS Overlord Duties”

  1. squatlo says:

    Me and Beej are still upset that the Powerball Hooey Gods didn’t grant either of us the opportunity to crash your party. But we’re with you in spirit, Mooner. Which means, in essense, that puff of smoke you keep seeing out of the corner of your eye is one of us toasting your fame and success in a suitably foggy fashion. I’m sure you’ll have enough Carta Blanca to go around without us pulling bottles from the cooler.

    Good luck this evening, OFU. We’ll watch the late news for video footage of any disturbances from the Austin area…

  2. admin says:

    Squat. As a spiritual Overlord, your sentiments are embraced, and returned.

    I guess you heard Rick Perry blasting Mittie’s “vulture Capitalism” in SC. I wonder what the critical mass of right-wing vitriol would be for them to implode like a fusion bomb? It’s bound to be close at hand. Maybe that’s what that Mayan calendar thingie is all about.

    I’ll be posting neat pics and vids and shit in the next several days. Stay tuned.

  3. bj says:

    Félicitations sérieux ce soir ouvrage grande fête. Now, Baby, Do that Schmooze that only the REAL schmoozers do. Or …. In the immortal werds of Hedley Lamarr … ” Now Go Do …. That Voodoo …. That YOU Do …. Soooo Well! Serious Congratulations to a Most Deserving Fellow! CHEERS!

  4. Wish I could be there to help drink your Carta Blanca at the Book Par-tayyy! Uh, I mean – show you my devoted support…

    And I am super-double dawg diggin’ you being the Overlord of the Fucking Universe – because now I am getting all giddy thinking about how many therapists I can bring to the V.A. and how many PTSD Programs I can open and how many Fisher Houses I can break ground for! YIPEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! Start the sex slavery of incompetent moms!!! Whooo!!!!

  5. mel says:

    I like where you are going with this. For real. And I would love to be at the party (Hell, I would be content with just getting my phone back so I can have my kindle app at my disposal so that I may continue reading your book!) – can’t wait to hear about all of your shennanigans.

  6. chrisinphx says:

    Mooner, first a well deserved CONGRATULATIONS YO! Second…Do I need to bow down now that you have the offical Overlord Title? Third, can I be the one to poke the breeders locked in the cages with a cattle prod?

  7. squatlo says:

    So, Vonnegot, how’d the signing/launch/MoonShow go? Inquiring minds want to know, you know? Dammit, there was NOTHING about you on the news, and we recorded all the channels to make certain we didn’t miss anything memorable…

    Wassup? (anyone offer a movie contract yet?)

  8. mel says:

    Seriously, where are you…you didn’t get arrested again, did you?

  9. One, and all. Thanks for all the thoughts and well-wishes. It was a blast and much will be printed herein. OK, not literally herein, but ratther, in future postings.

    Fuck. Much will be printed in future postings, a certainty. But also much waS ALREADY PRINTED IN A POSTING THAT WAS PRINTED FUTURE OF THE DATE OF THE POSTING UNTO-WHICH THESE COMMENTS ARE POSTING. I accidently hit the “Caps lock” button while I was pecking away. I’m too busy to erase and redo that entire sentence, so try to live with it.

    Said another way, some info is already posted, earlier today during a family breakfast break, and I will give you more later, except not later today as I’m way too fucking busy with shit.

    Ugh. I need beer.

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