Almost Drilled At Top Notch Drive-In; Hannah Still Has It!


So. I was over to visit an ex-brother in law yesterday before lunch. His office is in the general vicinity of the Top Notch Drive-In, so I had lunch at the nifty little burger and fried chicken joint. They cook their burgers on an actual charcoal grill and their chicken is among the best in town. I had a burger and crispy tots, my usual.

Why this is remarkable isn’t the high quality of the food as it is remarkably consistent in its high qualities. I like to sit in my car and eat—Top Notch has it’s original car hop speaker system and tin-covered car port—while I listen to my radio. I have Sirius Satellite in the GTO and I had Left Radio, Channel 127 on your radio dial, and Ed Schultz was on. My food had just been dropped off and I’d unwrapped my burger for the first bite.

Is it even proper to say “on your radio dial” anymore? The only radio I even have with a dial is Granddaddy’s old Philco, and it’s in storage out to the barn. Everything else is digitized.

Before I take a first bite of any Top Notch burger, I always take a sniff first. There’s something intoxicating about that first whiff of charcoaled beef, pickles and onion that makes the burger more enjoyable. I guess it’s the same dealie as with wine.

OK, let’s back up a second. This might be my ADHD talking, but why do we say “ex-in laws” if we only have divorces from the wife or husband? I have only divorced one brother in law yet have been divorced to ten women. That one guy, a Baptist Deacon lawyer who works for the State of Texas to fight death sentence appeals, is a special case. Actually, I didn’t accept him as my in-law when I married his sister, so maybe he’s a bad example. I never did like that asshole.

When I asked him the question “What about the innocent man who is convicted wrongly and sentenced to death? How do you rectify, justify that in your mind putting him to death?”[,] he answered, he said to me, “Who cares? The death penalty is all about punishment of the guilty and we’re all guilty of something.”

I also heard the other day that he and his wife are big Santorum supporters. They don’t think Rick Perry is a big enough prick, they want an asshole like Santoria to be President. Asswipe dickwad Baptist right-wing Republican shitballs is what they are.

Anyway, so I sniffed a deep drag off my burger. My eyes were closed and Ed was talking to a man on the ground up to Michigan about the Repub primary. They were discussing the light voter turn-out and what it might mean. I exhaled my burger hit in a whoosh, and slowly opened my eyes. My focus settled on the door to the Top Notch dining room where an old fart was exiting with two little kids who appeared to be his grandkids.

One of them, the boy, was holding the man’s left hand at the wrist and hanging with his feet off the ground like kids love to do. The boy was laughing and swinging as he tugged the man’s shoulder out the joint. I was reminded of my youngest son who felt that my arm was the neatest carnival ride on the midway until he was three.

The other child, the girl, was a step behind and had her eyes plastered to the man’s right hip. They were walking towards me—I was in the last parking slot at the end of the carport so that my satellite radio would work—and the little girl’s fascination fascinated me. Their truck was parked right beside the GTO outside the cover of the carport. I was thinking how nice it was that the man didn’t park at a car hop speaker spot and then eat inside. I get pissed when the speaker spots are filled with empty cars.

The trio walked to the aisle between our rides, and that was when I saw the object of the girl’s attentions. Riding low on the man’s hip was a six shooter sitting in a leather holster with, I think, a DPS star pinned to it. I figured DPS because they have a big office near and I see their officers here often. Here in Texas we have concealed handgun laws but, thankfully, not yet an open carry rule. Thank god you have to be a lawman to carry a gun on your hip, and I wish to god we had smarter lawmen.

The little girl waited until the man’s attentions were focused on removing the boy from his arm, and struck. She grabbed the pistol with both hands and yanked it free of the leather. I don’t know if it wasn’t properly latched in the holster or if the tyke had great strength, but either way a four-year-old girl now had a loaded revolver.

I ducked—my natural response in these situations—and dumped my tots on the floor and started cussing about that. I heard the discussion about the retaking of the gun, scolding and placing the kids in the truck, but I didn’t register much of it because I was cussing. Then I realized as I was leaning over to pick tots off the floor, I dragged my shirt through catchup I had carefully placed on the console.

“Mo-ther fuck-er,” I said aloud but mostly to myself when I saw the front of my shirt.

“Hey, buddy,” a man’s voice said from outside my window. “You need to watch your mouth. This here’s a family restaurant.”


I took a deep breath and exhaled onion and grilled beef before even looking at him. When I did look his way, his eyes widened and he stepped back with his hands in that “Oops, sorry” position. “You’re right… I’ll just be going now,” and he did.

Am I a shitbag magnet? Do I bring this sort of thing on myself? This asshole almost gets someone shot and he’s pissed at my language? I don’t usually cuss around kids but they don’t usually point a fucking revolver at me. Does a revolver even have a safety?

Good thing for him I promised the Squirt I’d not loose my shit with assholes this week.

Anyway, I got home from that bullshit to find the Squirt and Honor the fucking cat waiting for me in the driveway. I could tell we had a problem as soon as I saw them sitting there without Yoda at their side. When I got out of the car I asked them, “Hey, guys, where’s the third shitbird?”

“You need to do something about Yoda, and right fucking now!” Squirt stamped her foot on the “now” and finished with a prissy pout. “He’s locked in Gram’s potion cellar so we don’t kill him.”

Speaking of revolvers, I need to find my Revolver CD and spend some time with it. I need to hear Tomorrow Never Knows. Manana, y’all.


Oh, yea, and PS- Hannah from Whole Foods- check out February 17th.

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10 Responses to “Almost Drilled At Top Notch Drive-In; Hannah Still Has It!”

  1. squatlo says:

    There’s nothing like the smell of a well-prepared grilled cheeseburger and fries… you had me drooling with that description.

    About Grampa Six-Shooter… I don’t think a promise to an animal would have kept me from climbing out of the car to discuss my “language” problem with that idiot. The mere fact that he allowed a child to yank his personal protection device out of a holster, even if only for an instant, was reason enough to have his ass drawn and quartered, in my opinion. What if she’d shot her little brother, or better yet, popped a cap in Grampa’s McNuggets? Hell, she could have shot out one of your tires!

    We’ve got a turdball in the state legislature who’s pushing a bill backward (like a dung beetle, now that I think about it) through the House to allow folks to carry weapons onto company property. No matter what that company’s policy is toward firearms, he wants to make it a state law that gun owners can leave loaded weapons in their vehicles while they work. ‘Cause if there’s a workplace shooting, them folks need to be able to dash out to the truck to arm themselves in order to return fire. Of course, if there’s a workplace problem, that’s probably where the shooter will go to get his weapon in the first place, but I digress…

    These gun nuts are special people…

  2. Squat. Here they want an open carry rule where everyone is packin’ on their hips. I can’t imagine a dumber idea than oh say… maybe the platform for the Republican National Committee.

    The only reason, and I mean only reason I’m not on death row myownfucking self is that I refuse to own or carry a handgun. I don’t have enough fingers and toes to count the assholes I’d have plugged by now.

    But, alas, I’m a kinder and gentler Mooner. At least for the week.

    Oh yea. So the lunch tip dealie was a hoax. What a waste of pissed.

  3. chrisinphx says:

    The wind bag running AZ approved guns in bars last year and now they are pushing hard to carry on school camuses.
    My dad is a gun nut, he is prepared for Armageddon. He hunted for years so I never thought much about a riffles and such being around the house just before the laws changed in IL he added to the collection…with a RPG, yeah Pops basically has a baby freaking bazooka in the house.

    I’ve honestly lost count of what he has. On the bright (?) side, all this is locked in a safe thats bigger than a side by side refrigerator.
    He gave me a shot gun when I moved out here, “since it’s still the wild west out there” according to him. It went right back to him when I was in a messy divorce and for a second was about to loose my temper. No more guns in my house. Ever again.

  4. bj says:

    I still have an old Philco radio (with an actual dial) in the attic, s’made out of Bakelite, too! Ol’ DPS six gun toter dood has prolly hadta snatch his piece back from both of them young’uns so many times it doesn’t even phase (faze? … phaze? …. fase? … fuck it!) him anymore …. BUT …. Muh-Thur-FUCKER! gets his attention purdy kwick! Surprised that while totin’ a GUN AND a Badge that he backed off, though (fade to Sylvester Stallon in ‘Judge Dread’ …… “I AM THE LAW!!”). They still ‘Pistol Whup’ folks for bein’ a smartass down to Texas, don’t they?
    I have several firearms, myself …. none of which are accessible to children … EV-AR! I’m all for open carry too …. at least here in the South where “He NEEDED Killin'” is still a viable defense. ‘Cause they’s a lotta Muthafukkahs in THIS state who need that very remedy.
    In Columbia, SC there used to be a place Called ‘Doug Broome’s’ (that’s what I was picturing while reading your description of Top Notch) and it was on TWO Notch Rd. That one burned down in the late 60’s, before I got drafted, and they built a New one on main Street ( LOVED the fresh aroma of their burgers too! Juicy beefy mayonnaisey goodness drippin’ off my fingers …. Yum Yum …..

  5. squatlo says:

    Beej, I wish we had taken Don over to Busters for a cheeseburger while he was in town. Had he not been on a strict “pork only” diet that weekend it would have been nice to have him compare our best with the best he’s used to down in Tay-hass.

    I’m thinking it would be hard to beat Buster’s Burgers… makes me drool just thinking about ’em.

  6. mel says:

    The burger joint to hit around these parts is Brayz Burgers. I actually did a whole post on the experience the last time we went this past summer. Its out of the way, which is why we don’t go enough. If you are ever in Michigan, you MUST eat there. H-O-L-E-E SHIT! Good stuff. Now I want to take a trip out of my way and eat there. Perhaps the kids will be up for it this weekend…anyhow, if you want a link to the post I can get it for you…LOTS of pictures…and I know how you like pictures.

    As for the gun situation, I gotta say, I think you handled it better than I would have. I would probably have started bitching up a storm at the guy for letting that happen. Or not. That is another blog post from the photo one I started. I had a situation with a bitch at my doctor’s office who informed me that she was a cancer patient. Evidently she is the only person in the world with a problem. I do have compassion for those with illnesses, but not if they are going to be an asshole about it…and she was.

    And the comment you left me about leap day – I started cracking up when I read it – and my son was standing right there asking me what was so funny, otherwise I could have left you a better comment back. I didn’t feel like getting into a religious discussion with an 11 year old at the time as I was tired. He would have gotten it, now that I think about it…I mean, he is MY kid…I blame my tired. There. I said it…what of it??

  7. Chris. We had a dumass here try to get laws passed that require students to carry at school. I’d say that he was attempting to speed evolution on down the road except that he also wanted to outlaw evolution and teach creationism.

    If it passed I’d have my kids take your Pop’s bazooka and a couple granades to class. “Hey, motherfucker, don’t bring a handgun to a SCUD missle fight.”

    Beej. The kids likely both started the incident, and kept it from ratcheting right on up. Mother says I might not have actually seen the gun leave the holster as I’m a touch twitchy around anything with bullets. In thinking back, I’m like 87.33527% certain I saw the pistol clear leather. Then again, who gives a shit?

    I checked out Doug Broomes on the link. It’s bigger than Top Notch and has the Oriental look to the tin roof. That place looks like an old Burger Chef joint. Remember them? And if a burger won’t drip down your arms- pitch it in the trash.

    Squat. I love anyplace with “Buster” in its name. We’ll go there next trip.

    Mel. Brayz sounds like a place that serves rare burgers, and I love me some rare beef. Assholes everwhere these days. I’m starting to think we drink too much soda pop and it’s making us all cranky and shit.

    And you really need to keep your kids away from me. I’m a terrible influence.

  8. bj says:

    Well, HELL!, Squatty …. Now, you “has done flung a cravin’ on me”! ( Damn the storms! Today when I run my errands? …. I’m comin’ BACK with a sack fulla Double Buster Burgers …..

  9. squatlo says:

    Beej, you prolly ‘member when Busters wasn’t as “family friendly” as it might appear today, back when there was a coin operated pool table in the place along with about half a dozen ‘reglars’ and four or five bikers, with maybe (as Todd Snider once said) about 15-16 teeth total in the place…? Today it’s the place where all the used car salesmen on Murfreesboro Road go for lunch.

    I was in there one day last summer on my lonesome, (which is really how I prefer to eat, if anyone cares to know), when a black gentleman sat down at the bar and told the new owner he’d heard about “Busters” all his life but had only just found the place. He proceeded to order a carry out order of seven burgers and fries for his family at home, and carried on a conversation while I drank my beer and waited for my burger/fries order. When the guy’s order was bagged up and ready to go he tried to pay for his burgers, but the guy behind the bar told him, “Naw… you’re a virgin. This one’s on me.” The guy couldn’t believe it… probably a $40 order, right? On the house?
    So I chirped up, “Hey, I’m a virgin too! First time in here!”
    He told me to shut the hell up… Apparently he remembered me fussing about his Florida Gator banners hanging all over the damn place. Dammit.

    good burgers doesn’t begin to cut it as a description.

  10. Oh My God, I think God really did send super star Tom Truong in our life time to save us from 12/21/2012.

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