First Free Book Review Is Here; Rick Perry Still An Asshole!


So. I have the first book report from one of the books I have given away. I was starting to worry that I’d made bad evaluations of the give-ees since it’s been almost three weeks since I gave the first book away. But the first review arrived by email last night, and as promised, I’m printing it as it arrived. OK, except that I’m not printing Barbara’s email address and Barbara isn’t her actual name.

This is Barbara’s evaluations of Full Rising Mooner:



I don’t know how to do this so I’ll just start. One morning a few weeks ago I was sitting at a table at Pasha, my neighborhood coffee shop, reading a book. A large man wearing shorts and a long sleeve knit shirt came to my table holding a cup of coffee and a book. He had a very big smile, and the twinkle in his eyes told me he was either one of the charismatic Christians that bother me while I try to read, or he was going to hit on me.

“I see you are reading and I’d like to ask you a favor,” the man said.

I gave him my best “I’m a lesbian atheist look” and said, “What do you want?”

“I’ve written this book,” he held the book in my face, “and I’ll give it to you if you pass the test.”

When I didn’t answer in two seconds time, he said, “Are you a Baptist?” I shook my head “No”. “Would you ever vote for Rick Perry for President?” An emphatic “No” from me. “OK, here’s the deal,” he said. “I’ll give you this book if you promise two things. First is that you will go to my website and make a comment, you know, do a book report. Second, you have to promise to give the book to another reader who makes the same promises. Deal?”

“Deal,” I told him. Then I told him I’m a writer also, and that I’m going to steal his test marketing system. He laughed and said, “OK, steal any of my shit you want.”

Then he simply walked away. I looked over the book jacket and laughed at the back cover. I put it into my book bag where it lay hidden until two days ago. I opened it Sunday morning and finished it Sunday night in bed. I read it all day with only stops to eat and go to the store.

Here is my review of Full Mooner Rising- the Most Inappropriate Man in the World. This was the weirdest book I have ever read. I can’t decide if it is weird by accident or on purpose, but it’s weird and in a good way. The book’s narrative style takes some mental adjustment and the constant cursing and ranting at Christians can be off-putting. I almost put the book down when it seemed as if I’d read the word “fuck” more often than the word “the”. Then I realized that this is how some of my friends speak, so I plowed on.

I’m glad I did. Once I relaxed into the rhythm of this book I found myself laughing out loud on almost every page. When I got to the camel toe chapter, I read it three times, laughed each of the three times, and made a mental note to give all my leotards and stretch pants to Goodwill.

I was racing through the pages of preposterous situations and hilarious outcomes and all of a sudden the main character tells a story about the flag that draped his father’s coffin. That story wrenched my guts and I started crying like a baby. It was so like my own experience at my father’s death that I cried for a good ten minutes. When I gave the book to its next reader, a young man attending the University of Texas, I opened the book to that chapter and showed him the tear stains so he wouldn’t worry what they were.

I now believe that dogs can talk; I now will seek a drug dealer to get me some magic mushrooms; I’m working on a method so that I can pee in sinks; and I made an appointment with a therapist to see if I caught Mooner’s ADD.

I didn’t like the ESPN part of the ending, it was too over the top for me. But I have started doing exercises to strengthen my tugging muscles, and I furted my sixteen-year-old daughter as she stood brushing her teeth. Sick as it is, watching my eldest child jump out of her skin was way too funny.

The author gave me a Clarion Forward review of the book when we made our deal. I think the review is spot on in every way. I find myself thinking about some of the social commentaries made in this book and talking to other people about them. Maybe that’s the best thing about it.

I would have paid to buy this book if I knew how much I would enjoy it. [Finis]


Mooner here and please allow me to say, “Hoo-yah!” Another good review even though she got the book’s name wrong. I started to correct that but decided that if I promised to print reviews without censure, I’d do so.

I wonder if anyone would bother to give me a bad review? If I hated a book would I take the time to bitch about it? I’d bitch for sure if I paid for it, but would I complain about a free book?

Ugh. Leave it to me to find the black cloud.

But I don’t really give a shit, I got another good review. So, go buy my fucking book!!!

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7 Responses to “First Free Book Review Is Here; Rick Perry Still An Asshole!”

  1. mel says:

    And now I feel like a major asshole because I still have not finished reading your book yet. I can tell you, it isn’t because I don’t love it all so far (side note, I thought you would get a big kick out of this…my kindle app tells me that I am officially 69% through the book.) So glad that she got it – and I love that she has a “lesbian atheist” look that she can pull out of thin air. THAT is awesome.

  2. Mel. Your Kindle has a sense of humor, and I mistook her lesbian atheist look for one of longing lustfully for me. Maybe I’m not as good at reading people as I pretend.

  3. squatlo says:

    Mooner, seeing a woman as a lesbian atheist would be appealing to me, being a male lesbian myself… and I love how she laughed all three times reading the cameltoe chapter, even if it did cause her to toss all her clingy pants.

    Your methods are unorthodox, but you’ve gotten at least one more disciple out there who will probably make a comment on your blobber from time to time now that she’s aware of it.

    Hey, I’m impressed! And like Mel, I intend to finish your damn book, if just to read the chapter about your dad’s funeral. Sorry I’m such a sloth, but (swear to Jebus) if it’s not on this stupid monitor I can’t read without falling asleep with drool on the pages! I think the reason I can sit and read for hours on a computer is because it’s only a click away from porn… whereas bed is just a click away from sleep. Since my lovely wife has the bladder of a puppy and bounces in and out of bed ten times a night, I grab ZZZZs whenever I can catch them. You’d understand if you lived in an igloo and hadn’t slept in five years.

    Congrats on the book review! (and if you find out when or where this woman is published, fill us in on the details, she’s a hoot!)

  4. Squat. I think she was lying about the lesbian and atheist parts and maybe about the tight clothes too. I responded to he email with a “Thanks” and a personal request to make comments. I’ve not heard back yet but I too wish her to visit.

    As for your continued blaming personal weaknessess on your wife’s hot temperments, I say it’s time for you to buck your ass up and evolve. Evolve or die when frozen urine bursts your bladder. Dude, envision Darwin and buy some pocket warmers.

  5. chrisinphx says:

    If it makes you feel better Mel, Im only up to page 90.

    Mooner, I think her last line sums it up perfectly. And congrats on picking out an excellent person to give the book too, Barbara sounds like fun!

  6. admin says:

    Chris. Babs might be my kind of woman. Isn’t page 90 where I talk about getting abducted by aliens? That’s just before the part where we have a detailed discussion about me cussing too much.

  7. SEO says:


    Ugh, I just wrote a long comment, but it disappeared when I hit send. Anyway, I’m not going to retype it again, so I just wanted to say cool blog! Better than! :-)…

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