Read At Your Own Risk; Mooner’s Confusion Is Confused


So. It’s Thursday and a beautiful day here to Austin, Texas. Texas state Governor Rick “The Prick” Perry is still too wounded with embarrassment from his national political debacle to restart his dismantling of our infrastructure. The pompous little bastard is hiding out, no doubt meeting with his big money handlers to determine just how bad his national exposures damaged his state authorities. So, as I said, it’s a beautiful day here.

I have never failed to credit the right-wing Christian religious of Texas, and I suspect Ricky will soon start blowing his fetid, stupid air up their dresses again and re-inflate that balloon. I wonder if those of the religious right have ever stopped to wonder why it is that their best political spokesperson is dumb as a rock. OK, that was an unfair statement. He’s not dumb “as” a rock, he’s dumb “like” a rock. Like the painted rock at his family’s hunting lease.

I also wonder if those same supposed “models of Christ’s image” realize that it is we, the hedonistic, agnostic and heretical liberal left who are actually the ones pushing Jesus’ “love your brother-take care of your weak and infirm” political agenda. Do those guys realize that their right-wing me-first attitudes have made us look more Godlike than them. (they?)

Which reminds me to tell you that I heard from a spokesperson from the Holy Roman Catholic Church late yesterday afternoon. Please allow me to say, here in advance, that I had already cracked a couple icy-cold Carta Blanca beers and also ingested one of my Gram’s magic mushroom potions she calls “A bruised peach ain’t right”[.] The bluish spot high on my arm where SAC Ellen “tapped” me night-before-last had turned into a purple and yellow, swollen lump. Gram gave me the potion to reduce swelling and I guess also to stop my whining about it.

I’m still amazed at how much unwanted attention I bring to myself.

Those of you with inclinations to stay abreast of current science know that studies now show how psychedelic mushroom juice can enhance concentration as well as imagination. I have always attempted to tell people that Gram’s potions straighten-out some of my ADHD’s worst habits, and now I have proof. I tell you this to provide additional clarity to the information re: the call from the Catholic guy. I was on my third beer, which likely dimmed my wits, but I was also in a state of altered ADD and AD-with-an-HD effects with enhanced imagination from the mushrooms.

OK, let’s face it, I was shit-faced when my phone rang.

The call wasn’t from Christian Gonzales, the communications guy, but, rather, from Larry Covington, who is the “Ecumenical Officer” of the Austin Diocese. Turns out Larry is a Catholic who attended a Baptist Seminary and he was the perfect man to answer my questions when doing a compare/contrast of Biblical foundations between Baptists and Catholics on three key issues: birth control, abortion and homo, I say homo-sex-u-al-ity.

At first I wondered how it was known that I was ecumenical as it relates to the Catholic Church. I mean really, how did they know I wasn’t Catholic? The answer, of course, was in my question. As I later learned, only a non-Catholic would ask such a silly question.

I’ll preface my remarks by saying that Larry was forthright, forthcoming and didn’t blanch at any question I asked. He didn’t attempt to avoid or deflect except when he felt directing me to printed Catholic stuff would serve to clarify. Unless Larry is a devious little Catholic fucker and the same Larry I’ve met over to the Planned Parenthood where I anti-anti-abortion protest. Short of that, if I were a Catholic I would want Mr. Covington in my corner.

I also wonder if the local Catholic clan has other Ecumenical Officers who attended Church of Christ, Mormon, Lutheran and other seminaries who stand at the ready for callers like me. My simple request lead me through four entire departments and six people. They’d need like at least a dozen specially trained Larry guys each with training in a different world religion. I wonder how many of those guys convert to the religion they study?

It’s no wonder that need so much money.

To understand my quest you need to know that I was raised Baptist and one, Baptists believe in the “literal” words of the Bible, and two, Baptists believe that Catholics are not “real” Christians. I never really gave a shit as to why Catholics were viewed as heretics at my church and I stopped going at an age that predated my quest for knowledge. I’m pretty well-versed on the Catholic Church’s stand on the centuries of child rape committed by its priests and also its stand on women.

But I had never bothered myself with the Bible verses either the Baptists or Catholics stand upon to justify those stances. I made the call to the Catholic Bishop of Austin because he started whining about new health care requirements that require health care providers, those that that accept payments under government programs, cover birth control. I got all pissed off that the Bishop was pissed off about such a basic human right of women.

I had +/-thirty minutes of conversation with Mr. Covington and while I can say that he cleared several things for me, I am even more dumb founded than before making the call. See, according to Larry, the Ecumenical Officer of the local Catholic Church, The Holy Roman Catholic Church doesn’t rely on the words of the Bible for their positions on those three issues. Instead, they rely upon what they choose to call “Natural Law” and then through “The Theory of the Body” the Church pontificates modern beliefs.

Only after filtering whatever original intentions God might have had in regards to my issues through a succession of dried up old men—that would be the Popes and masses of Cardinals over time—several re-interpretations of the Bible, The Dark Ages, The Inquisition, the Catholic Church plundering of the New World, and the actual acceptance of a New Testament that totally changed Christianity, can the Catholics even decide how they rule.

I want to thank Larry Covington for clearing a few things for me and also for confusing the shit right out of me. I’m way too confused to know how I feel about all of this right now, because basically, Larry told me that over the course of Catholic history the high muck-a-mucks of their church have decided how to act, not the Bible. And in these three modern issues, the only reliance on the words of the Bible come AFTER we apply the Catholic interpretation of the Catholic interpretation of Natural Law.


OK, then we’re required to re filter all of that through “The Theology of the Body” which is the last Pope’s cogitations on life.

Let’s start our journey through the mind of Catholic dogma with Natural Law. I apologize for the highlights, funky lines and dead-end hyper links, but here is some of the info I pulled on a Google search of “Catholic Natural Law”[:]

“From Wikipedia:

Paul of Tesarus wrote in his Epistle to the Romans: “For when Gentiles, who do not have the law, by nature do the things contained in the law, these, although not having the law, are a law unto themselves, their conscience also bearing witness.”


(Author’s note: Holy fucking shit!)


The use of natural law, in its various incarnations, has varied widely through its history. There are a number of different theories of natural law, differing from each other with respect to the role that morality plays in determining the authority of legal norms. This article will deal with its usages separately rather than attempt to unify them into a single theory.

In English this term is frequently employed as equivalent to the laws of nature, meaning the order which governs the activities of the material universe. Among the Roman jurists natural law designated those instincts and emotions common to man and the lower animals, such as the instinct of self-preservation and love of offspring. In its strictly ethical application—the sense in which this article treats it—the natural law is the rule of conduct which is prescribed to us by the Creator in the constitution of the nature with which He has endowed us.




According to St. Thomas, the natural law is “nothing else than the rational creature’s participation in the eternal law” (I-II.94). The eternal law is God’s wisdom, inasmuch as it is the directive norm of all movement and action. When God willed to give existence to creatures, He willed to ordain and direct them to an end. In the case of inanimate things, this Divine direction is provided for in the nature which God has given to each; in them determinism reigns. Like all the rest of creation, man is destined by God to an end, and receives from Him a direction towards this end. This ordination is of a character in harmony with his free intelligent nature. In virtue of his intelligence and free will, man is master of his conduct. Unlike the things of the mere material world he can vary his action, act, or abstain from action, as he pleases. Yet he is not a lawless being in an ordered universe. In the very constitution of his nature, he too has a law laid down for him, reflecting that ordination and direction of all things, which is the eternal law. The rule, then, which God has prescribed for our conduct, is found in our nature itself. Those actions which conform with its tendencies, lead to our destined end, and are thereby constituted right and morally good; those at variance with our nature are wrong and immoral.”

*** OK, I’m back, and please allow me to repeat myself when I say, “Holy fucking shit!”

I need BJ to help me work my way through all of this stuff, I’m just not smart enough. One thing that Larry told me is that women can’t be priests because priests are stand-ins for Jesus and Jesus was a man. I assumed that to mean that Priests are supposed to only act like Jesus, but I’m again confused because the Pope is a priest first and he is bigoted towards many people and balks when given the chance to do what Jesus would have done.

Here’s my rationale. The only time Jesus EVER got angry to the point of physical acts against another was when he kicked the money changers out of the temple. Jesus was physically angry and assaulted these guys for the act of currency exchange on church property.

Yet this current Pope, and those several before him, have been mealy-mouthed about the priests who have raped and otherwise molested thousands of children while wearing the collar and performing the Holy sacraments. Pope’s have not only approved of the slaughter of millions of non-Christians, they have blessed and financed the missions to conquer. Popes have endorsed the killings and taking of slaves in God’s name, but they don’t want us to terminate a two-month pregnancy?

Have I managed to confuse you guys now? My head is spinning and I haven’t even addressed the Theology of the Body. Wait until you see that one. What I wanted was simple answers to modern issues and maybe in all of this confusion I have them. Maybe it’s one, simple answer.

Just like we Baptists, Catholics make shit up to suit us. Manana, y’all.

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6 Responses to “Read At Your Own Risk; Mooner’s Confusion Is Confused”

  1. chrisinphx says:

    No confusion at all here Mooner. You have just confirmed what I have thought all along…..Organized Religion is COMPLETE.BULLSHIT.

  2. bj says:

    Ditto on Chis’ thoughts, yer whip smart about these things …. and Granny OOK hit the nail on the head with the “Divine Infallibility” of El Poppa’s decisions comment earlier. Jew, Christian, Muslim …. all Bullshit. Gautama Buddha, on the other hand ……

  3. bj says:

    Sorry. meant to add …… Blame God. Organized Religions are designed to be confusing and contradictory. Remember the Parable of “The Tower Of Babel”? If Folks get Too Friendly, or Too Much Alike or Organized …. might not be a need for a God …. or all those priests and churches either. Religion is how the Pagans were brought into the fold …. with a mixture of “scripture” and combining Pagan High Holy Days to the Christian/Jewish/Muslim calendar. S’how the Ruling Religions Kept The Ignorant Unwashed Masses from runnin’ the show. Suspicion, Mistrust and FEAR. “Be Good! Orrrrr …. God’ll Getcha!”

  4. Granny Ook says:

    “Just like we Baptists, Catholics make shit up to suit us.” Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner! Mooner, you figured it out after all!

  5. Chris. Yeppers, they have managed to take the spirituality right out of it.

    Beej. After spending three day in research, I wish I’d called you first. I have a little more to say maybe later today. As you said, organized religion is all about control.

    Granny. It’s a hollow win, G-OK, a hollow, hollow win.

  6. squatlo says:

    That anyone with your mental confusion would bother to endeavour to figure out the Catholic Church’s tenets amazes me, Mooner. It’s like pondering your navel or the blue sky… some things are just what they are, and nothing more. I’d sooner try to guess where a fruit fly is headed as it buzzes past than worry about what fucked up excuses the Pope and his minions have for the things they’ve done and still do. I guess having “principles” and “beliefs” on paper helps to calm the inquisitive mind, but so does pot. I recommend pot. You’ll figure shit out just as poorly after burning a doob and you won’t have to wonder why you’re suddenly craving Cheetos.

    And questions that might help define the differences between organized religions are a lot like questions to define the differences between various children’s imaginary friends. Only we try to discourage imaginary friends when our kids show up with them, while simultaneously indoctrinating them to accept the concept of “Holy Ghosts” (“No, Jimmy, it’s not an episode of Scooby Doo”) or trying to convince them Santa flies around the world on Xmas Eve delivering presents to good girls and boys, even if they don’t have chimneys and have behaved like spoiled heathens most of their lives. If you’ve been brought up to accept A)The Easter Bunny (and all the goodies THAT rabbit can bring!), B) The Tooth Fairy (who seems to want to provide an incentive for kids to remove their bicuspids), C) Santa Clause (the reason for the season, after all) and then discover each and every one of THOSE imaginary visitors were complete bullshit passed down from generation to generation… well, it shouldn’t be hard to figure out why kids are skeptical of this Jesus fellow.

    That was exactly why I, as an angelic little altar boy, came to doubt the pomp and circumstance of the Church and Mass and all of the other bullshit I was hearing. In fact, discovering that my parents (and everyone else’s fucking parents!) had been shooting us full of bullshit since birth pretty much convinced me nothing any adult told me was to be believed whole cloth. So I flipped off my algebra teachers, ignored the periodic table in chemistry class, and practiced creative math and spelling whenever possible.

    Had my parents given me the straight scoop from birth onward, I probably would be a well-educated, thoughtful, erudite individual capable of helping confused Mooners understand the Catholic Church, instead of being the sarcastic and dull man I’ve become.

    This is all the fault of those who sought to deceive us as children. And damned if I didn’t do the same shit to my own kids! Which explains why they’re sarcastic and suspicious, too…

    I’m outta here.

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