God Drops By; Question Answered


So. This is just a quickie bitch about yesterday. Two news items from yesterday caught my ADHD-addled brain and stuck like a sharp-barbed treble hook. I’ve tried to shake them out of my head but can’t, and I’m hoping that writing them here will allow me to free my brain for more important thoughts.

Thoughts like the sex dreams I used to have about Bella Abzug. I heard her speak when I was young and was impressed her words and her face. Katy, from over to Lesbians In My Soup, did a story about what makes a beautiful face and her words struck the flimsy chords that serve as my memory. I thought of Mz. Bella and those dreams. You need to go to Katy’s place and check her out—she’s a mighty good read.

I could also be thinking about the wedding planning for the pending nuptials here to the Johnson family ranch or I could worry and obsess more about my weather-torn garden. But alas, the state of North Carolina has grabbed brain cells and won’t shake loose. For, you see, the fine people of North Carolina passed a strong anti-gay man/woman marriage dealie yesterday and when I read that in my newspaper I thought to myself, I thought, “What kind of person would favor that sort of stupid legislation?”

I was reading the paper early and while on the crapper so I had only myself to ask, and was spared the pain of having Mother read the story to us all at the breakfast table while she’d gloat. My mother is a gloater.

I’m looking at the other stories and unable to focus because the question is stuck in my head—who would favor that legislation? What kind of people populate North Carolina in the majority who have that kind of idiocy?

I finished my business and was lowering the newspaper to exchange it for rolled, perforated paper when the second article caught my eyes. “North Carolina man straps children to hood of car for ride home from liquor store” was the headline.

Now me, if there is actually a capital-G God, this was that God speaking directly to me. I might have actually heard his booming basso profundo, its rich tones sonorous and commanding. God said, “Mooner Johnson, my child, you seeketh knowledge and I have laid it unto your eyes. Behold the Truth, my son, as I am want to admit my plan got all fucked up over to North Carolina. Can you believe that many assholes can congregate within the borders of one tiny state?”

“Well, God,” I’d answer, “it isn’t your fault. But doesn’t it piss you off that they blame you for their immoral and ignorant acts?”

“Truly it does, Mooner, and they shall pay. Heaven and Hell are interchangeable destinations, dude, and have I got a program for assholes.”

I doubt God would disclose His plans for assholes but that just gives me something to think about. And hey—God called me dude. Manana, y’all.

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5 Responses to “God Drops By; Question Answered”

  1. chrisinphx says:

    I dont suppose he also told you to run for any office, did he? I read that story about the kids on the hood too and I got to thinking. Have you ever read or heard or seen anything about gay parents doing stupid shit to their kids? I never have…but its them gays that are the evil ones.
    In NC you can marry your first cousin as long as it’s opposite sex. Welcome to Cousinfuckerville NC.

  2. Squatlo says:

    God’s gonna be pissed when she reads how you called her voice a basso profundo. Take cover. And as for North Carolina, there but for fortune go you or I. They’re everywhere, including the legislature of every state capital, so this kind of shit could happen anywhere. Did you read about the editor of the Republican newsletter in Greene County VA who advocated for ‘armed revolution’ if Barack Obama wins another term in office? Maybe that guy and your governor should have a beer and discuss secession?

    Spoke to a local detective yesterday during a baseball shoot and he told me a “work story” from a few years ago in which he answered a call that a woman was abusing her child. Found said child with cigarette burns down its back, and Mommy Dearest told him she was trying to give the kid something to cry about. Apparently, the crying had annoyed her. He excused himself and left her to other detectives and officers for the arrest and booking because he was afraid he was about to do something unprofessional.
    In some cases I think we might need to treat these people with ‘unprofessional’ reactions, sort of as a reminder to other troglodytes that messing with kids comes with a heavy price tag.
    I’m not comforted by the concept of a jury of their peers handling the case.

  3. Squatlo says:

    There’s a reason we don’t have a government set up to rule by referendum in this country, and that involves the tyranny of the majority. If Civil Rights and every other great moral issue had been left to the majority, we might still be dealing in slaves and segregating lunch counters. You can always find more intolerant people than enlightened, especially if you foment their anger with the proper rhetoric.

  4. Father-of-the-Year Nominee, Mooner Johnson says:

    Chris. I doubt I could get elected here to home. Our population more resembles Mother’s thinkings than my own. I think that entire “cousins” dealie might explain at least the child hood ornaments if not the rest.

    Squat. I heard Ted Nuggets and some of the rest of the enflamed rhetoric. Just like the middle and lower classes during the mid 1800’s, today’s right-wing minions have fallen under the spell of their plantation masters. Back then it was the dark skinned Africans who were the slaves that Southern non-slave owners fought for.

    Today, it’s women, pensioners, school kids, and the infirm who represent the slaves to be downtrodden by the wealthy. It is beyond me how they can continue to fall for the bullshit.

  5. mel says:

    I emailed you about this, right? I can’t remember right now. Anyway, my comment is off topic. I know that you were pumped I stopped bitching about pain and all, but mother fucker if that anesthesia didn’t do jack shit to stop pain during the procedure, and the pain medications that my doctors have dispensed to me aren’t helping either. I think I need a Gram care package. Notice the use of the word need. And the cake is live.

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