***Rush Limbaugh and Rick Perry Marry In Private Ceremony***

 

Dissociated Press/Dateline: June 22, 2012- Austin, Texas USA:

Central Texas was stunned today to learn that Rush Limbaugh and Rick Perry have finally married. The on-again/off-again Austin, Texas couple have had a fiery and tumultuous courtship that was solidified in a private ceremony held on the lakeside dock at the Johnson Family Ranch Thursday night.

“It was a bitch pulling this off,” said adopted Father of the Bride and Groom, Butcher Einstein “Mooner” Johnson. “Some fucking right-wing conservative Christian fuckball attempted to shit all over this happy occasion with an Internet webcast inviting the entire fucking world to the wedding reception. If it weren’t for Katy over to Lesbians in my Soup we’d have been way up shit creek.”

The ostrich Rick Perry was resplendent in a white organza dress by Vera Wang and was met at the alter by his groom, Rush Limbaugh the pig, wearing an evening suit by little known German designer, Speck Schinkenknocker. This wedding has long been anticipated by Central Texas high society and the sudden announcement has left many disappointed.

“Mooner Johnson is an atheistic heretic,” said Mrs. Leticia Browningwell, wife of Pastor Josiah Browningwell. “He allowed those two homosexuals to marry and he didn’t invite a single respectable person in town.”

When asked to comment on not having any respectable locals in attendance, Mr. Johnson responded with, “Fuck you.”

The bride was attended by Gram Johnson, Squirt Johnson, Hilda Johnson, Sister Johnson and her wife Anna Johnson-Johnson-Johnson, and Honor the fucking cat. Rush Limbaugh was unattended at the alter. Inquiries revealed that Mooner Johnson could find no willing participants on the gay hog’s behalf. “Rush Limbaugh is a ignurnt fucking pig,” said Gram Johnson when asked. “He’s lucky I ain’t shot his smelly ass an’ had Mooner smoke it.”

Invitees were limited to close family only, which did not include Mother Johnson. “I apologize to all of my friends for first, not inviting you to this little soirée. I know you all wanted to come but after that webcast I couldn’t chance a big party. Second, I have to say that I have been AWOL from the webber and bloggie with all the crap I needed to do for the wedding. I’ll be back soon.”

After a brief honeymoon in Costa Rica, the newlyweds will reside in Mooner Johnson’s recently remodeled closet. Gifts will be accepted in the form of donations to the President Obama reelection campaign in the name of “Rick Perry and Rush Limbaugh’s gay marriage.”

 

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5 Responses to “***Rush Limbaugh and Rick Perry Marry In Private Ceremony***”

  1. chrisinphx says:

    Congrats Rush and Rick….may life give you many many nights to make sweet sweet gay interspecies love to one another!

  2. Katy Anders says:

    My regards to the newlyweds! No one could stop those crazy star-crossed kids’ love.

    But now that we allow gay inter-species marriage, what’s next?

    Seriously, what’s next? I can’t think of a slippery slope from here. Except maybe a wedding with a human Rick Perry and a human Rush Limbaugh, which would of course be an abomination.

  3. Now I get why that Sandra fluke woman was given lengthy awful tirade. And why he asked her to post/stream her sex video.
    Hope they have wonderful married life. He hates bitches but loves swines.
    Everyone deserves to be happy and gay not EVERYTHING. Whatever :(

    Mooner daddy put your head in shame.

  4. squatlo says:

    (Katy, the thought of the real Rick Perry and Rush Limbaugh spawning is enough to curdle tequila…)

    Mooner, congrats on pulling off the social scene of the season! (if hot’r’n hell is a “season”, that is…) I’m sure the bride was magnificent, and wish I’d been there to help sweep up.

    At some point in the very near future you need to tell the rest of the Mooner-lovin’ world exactly what you’ve been up to for the past five or six days (with three part harmony provided by the Dixie Chicks, if necessary). Your email wore my ass out, and all I could think to say was quote to Jerry Reed, “Damn, son!”

    May the happy couple be forever blessed, and may your mom and Mrs. Browningwell find it in their stoney little hearts to join the 21st century at their earliest convenience. The rest of the world will be waiting.

    Carta Blancas for everyone, on the house! (Mooner’s house…)

  5. mel says:

    Awwww…I love a happy ending. (haha)

    Why do I think that “when asked to comment, Mr. Johnson” often responds “fuck you”.

    Was Leticia Browningwell jealous because Rick Perry looked better in the dress than she would have? I get the feeling she’s a catty, jealous bitch. Perhaps that is why she is such a hater.

    Looking forward to forth coming wedding/honeymoon pics.

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