So. It’s Tuesday and I just got another call from Mother asking if she can come home. She refused to attend the Limbaugh/Perry gay wedding last week so I banished her from the ranch for all of the attendant wedding affairs. That was last week and the threads that connect “wedding affairs” to reality are getting pretty thin.
At breakfast this morning I asked the few others seated around the big table if they were ready to have Mother back among us. They mumbled and grumbled a bit but nobody said anything decipherable. “Well, OK then,” I told them. “Looks like the main activity on today’s calendar will be the Official Limbaugh/Perry Wedding Fishing Trip, sponsored by Carta Blanca beer.”
“Rick Perry does love when you take him fishing, Mooner. Do you think the newlyweds will go while they’re in Costa Rica?”
That was Mr. Dave, the giant-peckered old geezer I hired to service the older ladies of Mooner Manor. “I doubt it, Mr. Dave. Rush Limbaugh has been sex starved for over a month. Me, I’m guessing that Rick Perry will be lucky to see anything but the paint of their hotel room.”
I realized that I had sent all the women but my mother to Costa Rica to oversee the honeymoon and Mother was sent to a hotel over to town. I offered to fly Mr. Dave down to Central America or put him up with Mother in her hotel, either one. He said to me, he said, “Oh, that’s a lovely offer, sir, but I think I’ll spend the time with you and the dogs. I find I’m missing the sound of voices not coming from the mouth of a Johnson woman.”
I didn’t tell him that he had just voiced the main reason he was hired, I simply said in reply, “You stick with me, Mr. Dave. We’ll get you recharged and ready to go. How about we go cut us some calves?”
Mr. Dave isn’t much of a ranch hand. Man pukes when you hand him the big curved blade we use to cut the balls off young bulls—well, that’s what we Texans call a clue. I was talking to the Squirt about it last night and she said it might be because Mr. Dave’s pecker is about the same size as the 400-pound bulls carry. “You’d be queezy yourself, Bwana Mooner, if you were packing the heat same as Mr. Dave.”
Maybe, I thought. “Might also be perspectives, little lady. I was cutting cows before I knew that my pecker was good for more than the one thing, so I never had the mind to do a side-by-side with the little bulls. Mr. Dave was city raised and likely has a city boy’s stomach.”
And that reminds me. Can you believe the fucking US Supreme Court? What part of “not a political body” is so confusing to them. I am embarrassed to tell you that I didn’t think George W. Bush would screw things up too badly as president—I thought he was too dumb to make much trouble. But the justices he put there have formed a coalition that has sent civil rights back at least a hundred years.
A state government can now authorize agents to demand that you prove your citizenship at any time they wish. My thoughts are that to keep from appearing to use profiling with this power, they will start making the demand on people just for the sake of it. As a white American male, I will not prove my citizenship to you, motherfuckers, and I dare you to try to make me. I don’t expect people of color to resist this but I’m asking every white person in the country to stand with me on this one. This isn’t Nazi fucking Germany or Cold War Russia, for shitsakes.
Or is it? I mean really, what’s the difference? Corporations and single rich donors can put as much money behind a candidate as they want, so every elected public official office in the entire fucking country is for sale, we can harass and bully non-whites for no reason, we are legislating control of womens’ bodies, and we are creating the economic environment that imitates a wealthy, ruling class society.
When we speak of Pakistan or Malaysia, we call countries with those attributes “Third World” countries. We are denying our citizens health care and quality public education; we have stripped the funding for support services for the poor; we have sent much of a generation off to fight two brutal, winless wars because of economics and now we deny the returning veterans proper health care to fix their damaged bodies and minds.
Oh, and our greedy financiers almost bankrupted the entire fucking globe while they were gone to war and killed the job market. Many vets have returned to little, or no, employment options.
Ugh. Fucking ugh! Mother fucking ugh!!!
Maybe New Mexico isn’t far enough away to escape the oppression of America’s right-wing Christian conservative idiocy.
America doesn’t need to worry about international terrorists taking our country down. We’re ruining it just fine all by ourselves. I have a buddy who thinks that this might be the time that is The End of Days. If America falls into a fascist state all of civilization will follow.
“And the Ted Nugent’s shall inherit the Earth.”
Fuck it. I promised a fishing trip and we’re going fishing. Manana, y’all.