Diplomacy: It’s In The Dictionary, Mr. Romney

 

So. There’s an elephant in the room, folks, and it’s name is Mitt Romney. If you want to gain a keen insight as to how a wealthy, privileged, rich American asshole views the rest of the world, take a good gander at Herr Rommel. For months now, the Republican Presidential front runner has given we Americans that snotty-nosed rich prick attitude wherein he, and his ever so lovely wife, call us “you people”.

“You people don’t need any more of my financial or tax records,” and, “You people just don’t understand how business actually works,” or my personal favorite, “I just don’t care about you poor people.” Mitt Romney has been stomping around America and talking down his snooty nose at us as common people. Now, he’s taken his blue blooded act on the road.

When Gram was reading the paper this morning at breakfast, she came to the story of the Mittster telling London, and all of England, that, “You people don’t know how to run an Olympics.”

“What tha fuck is that silly asserholie doin’?” Gram asked the table full of gathered Johnsons. “A man wants ta be President cain’t be sayin’ silly shit like that.”

“He’s just speaking his mind, Gram,” said my mother, “the British can’t even keep their promise to protect our athletes from the Muslim terrorists. Somebody should be saying something.”

Gram gave Mother a look that was only a notch below the Evil Eye. “When are you gonna forgit yer a assholie fuckball again? You say some a tha stupidest shit I ever heard.”

“Well,” Mother started to answer, “I, ah, well I think these are quite tasty pancakes, Mooner. What did you say you did differently?”

“I added buckwheat today is your answer, Mother. ‘Now,’ should answer you, Gram.”

Lucidity is a transient concept at best and totally homeless when combined with dementia.

Some of my blogger buddies jump started my thoughts and gave me the idea of how to keep up with Mother as her memory worsens and she starts to wonder off.

“Hey, everyone, I had an idea how to keep track of Mother when she starts wandering off the Reservation. I’mma take her over to Dr. Mays and get him to plant one of those ID/GPS chips in her neck like I got for the dogs. Then we can track her on Google when she goes missing.” Some of my ideas are classic genius.

“Oh, fuck alla that Oedipus shit, Mooner. Put one a them shockie collars on her and lectrify tha fences,” was Gram’s better idea. “Hell, give me a clicker fer tha collar an I’ll keep up with her.”

My mother gasped and clutched her throat at the spot where chip and collar would meet. “Why I never! You people are treating me like an animal. How dare you!”

The vet’s office scheduled us for next Tuesday at 10 am and the electrician will be out to juice up the fences Wednesday. Then I’m off to Santa Fe Friday. It’ll just be the dogs, the fucking cat and me this trip. I can’t be worrying about mother wandering off in a strange town while I’m working. It’s hard enough for me to focus my ADHD-addled brain without trying to keep up with her.

Which brings me back to Mitt Romney. Let me try to say this with an economy of words when I say, “Mitt Romney is not Presidential. He can’t park his own ego long enough to let the engine cool before he says something really stupid. Strong leaders are required to be diplomatic and you, Herr Schmidt Rommel, are not diplomatic in any fashion of the word.”

If you can believe recent polls, America could possibly elect this effete and totally snobbish asshole to our Presidency.

Holy… Fucking… Shit!

Ugh, and manana, y’all.

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9 Responses to “Diplomacy: It’s In The Dictionary, Mr. Romney”

  1. Theo says:

    Mooned: My how some things never change. I see you’re still tilting at the Republican Boogie-Man Windmills. But despite all the professional left rhetoric you blather on about (in a convoluted manner) you still can’t get your site counter to stay above 3 or 4. I’m assuming you’re a better businessman than a blogger….. (ouch, but then do a quick review of your tone when talking about Romney)

    I was over at your bud’s place the “Squat-Low & Take A Dump Blog” and Squatty posted something similar to this thread. Of course he still lacks the courage of his convictions. He deletes any factual evidence contrary to the blatantly false sound-bite factoids he posts. But hey, whatever it takes to help him sleep at night. Which I am sure also involves cross dressing as Dorothy and clicking his ruby red slippers heels together while saying “there’s no place like libtardia & Obama would never lie to us.”
    What gave Squatty extreme butthurt was getting hoisted by his own petard by posting a supposed “Romney Gottcha Moment” without really researching it. And the point was driven even further up his sore hiney by this little quiz I put on his website:

    Question: On the July 17 NBC Nightly News, what anchorman warned, “Ten days to go now until the Olympic games get underway in London, and today, the man whose company was hired to provide security at all the Olympic venues admitted his company screwed up.” ??

    Answer: None other than libstain Brian Williams!!

    Bonus Points: The same broadcast featured a member of Parliament lamenting the “humiliating shambles for the company planning security.”

    Question: On the July 24 Good Morning America show who explained, “Now the reason is, an absolute fiasco with the private guards who were supposed to be doing this. Police tell ABC News they’re worried those private security guards are not adequately trained.”

    Answer: Proglodyte reporter Nick Schifrin!

    Question: On The July 24 which major news network featured an unidentified British man complaining about the inadequate transport system: “It’s ridiculous. If we are not going to cope, it’s going to be a bit of a fiasco. And people are going to get stranded.”

    Answer: None other than Obama’s very own lapdog CBS Evening News!!

    Apparently, pointing out potential problems for the 2012 Olympics is okay– so long as you’re not the presumptive Republican presidential nominee. Also you snivel about Romney’s tax records but fail to see that Obama has supplied essentially no personal information including no birth certificate, no college records, no medical records and no selective service records. So why the double standard and flagrant hypocrisy??

  2. squatlo says:

    I really like the shock collar and underground fence, Mooner. Classic. Of course, getting it around your mom’s neck without raising the ire of the Department of Human Services might be tricky. But hey! You live in Texas! Shit, I forgot! Governator Perry probably shut down that department along with two others he can’t remember.

    Oops.

    By the way, Theo’s back on my blobber stinking up the place with his right wing hooey. I thought we were D-I-V-O-R-C-E-D???

  3. Cynthianne says:

    So Mitt is not presidential or diplomatic. Big deal. Alas and alack, I’m just waiting for some evidence that he’s human.

    Not that it matters to the fools who plan to vote for him- I’ve got a fundie brother-in-law who got angry when I tried to point out that Mitt kinda sorta lacked the common touch. Funny thing is (funny-sad, not funny ha-ha), is that said BIL is in the prime demographic of those who will be whacked if the Mittbot becomes president- over 70, in poor health, on Medicare and SS, with little savings. If either Medicare or SS is cut back or voucherized, it will eventually mean his death warrant as soon as his savings run out. Doesn’t seem to matter to him. The only thing he knows (or cares to know) about Mitt is that he isn’t black.

    It might not be overt racism, but I wonder if at least some of the rabid reaction to Obama is the largely unconscious feeling that blacks are OK in their place, but one really shouldn’t be in the White House.

    I’m starting to feel like I’m watching the Rocky Horror Political Show. To quote a noted liberal and ADHD victim, “Holy… Fucking… Shit!” (I myself would never say anything like that- I’m a prim and proper little old lady!)

  4. Parttime Texan, Mooner Johnson says:

    Squat. We all wondered when he’d show back around. It seems he’s more pleasant than before. Or have you been cleansing his comments?

    Cynthianne. I have but a few friends who are conservative but none without memory loss who are happy with Mitt. Seems he can’t flip-flop fast enough to make anyone happy.

  5. squatlo says:

    Mooner, I think I accidentally deleted Theo’s last comment on my blobber. I’d had a few beers, wasn’t in the mood to spar with an idiot, so I believe I just hit ‘flush’ and sent his brilliant banter down the drain. Shit…

    Cynthianne, this prim and proper thing might fly in some circles, but you’re in the wrong crowd for the Church Lady routine! Holy Fucking Shit is right, so be loud and proud when you say it.

    Try to remember that Repubs thought GORE was robotic and not warm and fuzzy enough for real people. Then they send us this clown who refuses to divulge the secret accounts, has billionaire bundlers working behind the scenes, and bars the press from his fundraisers.

  6. Theo says:

    Et tu, Moonte?? Was my earlier comment on this thread just a little too real for you? I can see it being too real for Squatty. Which when you think about it is kinda funny since there is nothing “too ridiculously big” that he can’t both deep throat and swallow if the libs dish it out. Your actions interest me (a little) both clinically and from socio-political angles. You must be pretty conflicted when you delete truthful posts (with documentation). I realize that you want to keep the façade of fairness but hate to lose control of the narrative. Your inner conflict of course comes from knowing that your words and actions aren’t congruent. I’ll just bet that you must have to smoke a great deal of pot (or use other aids) to be able to sleep at night. I truly understand wanting to maintain some modicum of control on your own blog but to serve up your version of “fairness” which is pure shit by the way, all the while asking everyone to call it a Rembrandt is stretching it pretty far. I know- I know you have to think about your readers. You yourself know that they are nice naïve-ish people but don’t spike the intelligence meter up very high. You would sure hate to shake up their isolated world with truth. If you did that they run from your blog and you would have no one to lord over with your particular brand of “wit and wisdom.” Your actions prove something I have long discussed with friends (and frienemies) and that is liberals will always sacrifice truth and freedom for conformity. Yes, your actions are mildly interesting but fairly archetypical. Ah well enough of that. We wouldn’t want to get too real; it’s just a blog after all. I am finishing up a sabbatical which was supposed to be from academic medicine. But I wound up teaching quite a bit and in the process managed to finish another degree. I also completed a crash course in medical Spanish (in retrospect, I would trade 4 years of my college German for 1 semester of college Spanish). I have been tempted out of academic medicine to take a very lucrative job at an excellent medical facility in Austin Texas. They are academically affiliated but my primary job would not be teaching but actually working on the sickest of the sick. It will be challenging and the money is superb. My family has multiple investments in Texas so I can keep an eye on them as well. My e-mail address is chestdocmd@gmail.com, please drop me a line and we can cross swords (that wasn’t too gay a reference was it??) in private without disturbing your status quo. Love, Theo!

  7. Cynthianne says:

    Squatlo- You HAD to go and blow my cover! OK, so I’m not all that prim… and proper is a relative term, right? I must admit that I have been cursing a lot more lately, for some reason.

    Mooner, my two fundie sisters, who are almost as certifiable as your mother, still have enough marbles left to realize that Mitt the Presidentbot would be an undiluted disaster, and are not voting for him. Don’t know if they will actually vote FOR Obama, but I’ll take what I can get. Other than them, I don’t really know any unrepentant Republicans- this is New Mexico, after all. The level of crazy here is noticeably lower than that in Tex-ass.

    Have fun fixing up your new digs- and try not to have any close encounters of the ouchy kind with any power tools. (I read your account of the nose-hair trimmer fiasco, and it still makes me wince.)

  8. Katy Anders says:

    Forget lo-jacking your mom (which is just kind of cruel). I want Mitt Romney lo-jacked.

    I want to be able to know where that bastard is.

  9. admin says:

    Theo. Welcome back. Due to the nature of your past comments, I made it a requirement that I review your stuff before printing it. As I have said before, keep it to the point and don’t pull one of your temper tantrums and I’ll publish you.

    To address your pointed list of London snafu’s, I didn’t say word one about the accuracy of Romney’s words. We could debate what kinds and how many snafus could be expected under the circumstances, which I won’t. Doesn’t matter. Either you missed my point on diplomacy, which I doubt, or you ignored it. Whichever, it doesn’t matter.

    And the birther and college transcript bullshit… Really, Theo? Is that all you’ve got?

    As for your moving to my hometown, I think you might have found yourself a new home. You’ll find a thick layer of your strata laying in a heavy cloud over to the west side of town. Me, I’m headed to Santa Fe for some fresh air.

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