Some Of My Best Friends Are Conservative; Bullshit And Other Lies


So. I’m sort of back into the grooves after my extended visit over to Santa Fe. I’ve had a knock-down drag-out with Mother, it’s hotter than a two-dollar pistol and more humid than a sauna, and SAC Ellen just called to say that she won’t be back to Austin until next weekend. Maybe.

Maybe. And maybe I’ll have some skin left on my pecker by then. It’s been three weeks since I’ve had any sort of multi-person sexing and I’ve just about gone through a 12-pack of Ivory bath-size soap bars. Why is it that I’m happy with actual sex a couple times a week yet, when deprived of actual sex, I masturbate six times a day?

Whatthefuck is up with that silliness? Maybe it has something to do with the relative levels of satisfaction each variety of sex provides. While I’m quite adept at bringing matters to a successful conclusion when placed in my own hands, I must admit that I’ll never hold a candle to the sexual pleasures provided by a woman.

Which reminds me. Today is comedian/actor/author Bill Cosby’s birthday, which reminds me of Mitt Romney’s visit to the NAACP yesterday. Cosby was the first black man to have a lead role in an American television series when he starred in I Spy. As I recall, the show started in 1965 and it had huge viewership and ratings all across America.

Except in NBC TV stations in Georgia, Alabama and Florida where bigotry and racism were the program directors. As recently as 19-fucking-65 America harbored that kind of racism. Which puts Herr Schmidt Rommel’s visit to Houston yesterday into sharp perspective for me.

In 1965, whenever a white person wanted to prove that he wasn’t a racist, he would say, “Why I’m not a racist, some of my best friends are black.” Recently the “I have a (fill-in-the-blank) as a friend” justification for bigotry has included gays, Muslims and Hispanics, and if the best you can say for yourself is to repeat that stupid mantra, you, dear friend, are a bigot.

For yesterday’s NCAAP meeting, Romney flew in a group of black Republicans to be his cheering section. Since I don’t know who all of them are I won’t call them Republican houseboys. But I will call them hacks. The candidate attended that meeting to get in the face of America’s major minority for the sake of his fan base, and he made inflammatory and denigrating statements to some of America’s finest people.

When the soirée was over, Romney bragged that he was cheered by the members of the NAACP and then bragged that he spoke with several anonymous black leaders who spoke badly of President Obama and said they would vote Republican.

Mitt Romney is a liar. And a bigot.

For starters, the only black folks he spoke with after his speech were his hired hack attendees and then he used the old “I have black friends” method to demonstrate that support.

Mitt Romney is a fucking bigoted liar. I just can’t get my head around the fact that he is the Republican nominee to be our President.


What do you call a man who will say anything to get what he wants? Among the several things that come to my mind, “Mitt Romney” is one. But how about you—what would you call such a man?

Manana, y’all.

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5 Responses to “Some Of My Best Friends Are Conservative; Bullshit And Other Lies”

  1. squatlo says:

    To me, this episode of Stacking the Crowd is something akin to a house band that offers free drinks to all of their friends if they’ll cheer like hell at all of their shows. Of course, I’m sure some of them were among those who booed Romney when he started dissing Obama. I don’t care how much Mitt’s paying a black man to act white, there’s a line a good man won’t cross for money alone.
    Mitt may not be a bigot, Mooner. He probably DOES have some black friends. They park his limo on the elevator, answer his phone, maybe even cook some of his meals. I’d be surprised if he’s ever had a black man in his house that wasn’t on his payroll or WANTED to be on his payroll, however.
    Regardless, the man’s a compulsive liar willing to say or do anything to get into the Oval Office. I’m wary of anyone that blindly ambitious. Especially billionaires who have Swiss bank accounts and money stashed away in more island nations than I’ve even dreamed of visiting.
    By the way, the masturbation thing isn’t unique to OCD ADHD suffering liberals in Texas. Like a buddy of mine told his wife when she walked in on him wanking away in the bathroom one day: “It’s mine, dammit, I’ll wash it as fast as I want to!”

  2. Parttime Texan, Mooner Johnson says:

    Squat. Once more you add a layer of intellectual butter on the dry, stale bread that is my thoughts. But shit on a shingle, dude, how did a man who lies this much and openly make it this far?

  3. Q says:

    Hired black people? I guess he is increasing employment amongst minorities after all. Romney is completely fake. I thought Al Gore was the same way. Always wanted to be on your side even if your side was against his. I can’t stand people like that. Romey won the nomination because the Republicans didn’t plan well for this election. It wouldn’t surprise me if he went with Condi or Jindal to show “Hey, I like brown people enough to make one my VP!”

  4. Parttime Texan, Mooner Johnson says:

    Q. As a black man this shit has got to piss you off. And I understand your Gore comment–I felt the same way. Dude, you did not invent the Internet.

    It would be suicide for the Mittster to have a VP candidate with skin any shade of gray lighter than “white boy” white. The Tea Bag bigots are running that party these days and that symbolism is the wrong color.

  5. Loco says:

    While I do not agree with your political pooiitsn I too will be sitting the 2012 presidential election out. I will go to the polls but not vote for either the Democratic or Republican candidate deserves my vote. This country need a viable multiple party system and by that I mean more than two parties.In my opinion President Obama is incompetent. In 2008-2010 he squandered the chance he had to show leadership on a more liberal and moral addenda. Instead he rushed to get in bed with corporate interests. Romney is a con man. Essentially his addenda is a minor rehash of policies that go us into this bad economic situation. I am reminded that one of the definitions of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So someone who is trying to sell such an insane addenda deserves the title con man.

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