Be On The Lookout; Please Vote!!!


So. Today is November 5, 2012 and the last day before our actual Presidential election day. Anyone who isn’t sick of political ads is either a political hack or an ignorant asshole.

OK, maybe they could be an ignorant asshole political hack.

As soon as this election cycle is over, I’m going to push for legislation that limits the number of times an opponent’s name can be mentioned in a paid political ads. Stop telling me what’s wrong with the other guy and tell me what’s right about you.

If America gets it right, the President will be reelected and he’ll get some added seats in Congress to help ease Congressional deadlock. If America gets it wrong…

Which reminds me. Has anyone seen a stretch Hummer limousine with New Mexico plates, driven by a nice man named Ralph and carrying two randy old women and a mangy fucking cat? I haven’t heard from Gram and her crew since last Tuesday and I’m starting to get worried. The tracking chip in the cat’s collar showed that they left Santa Fe and headed north into the mountains where it stayed until Thursday afternoon.

Then it headed east to Chicago, where it was slipped into the G-string of a Stripper named Tawny Port along with three twenty-dollar bills and one of my business cards. Tawny called to ask me out but had no news on where the Johnson Family wagon train was headed. All she could say was, “Your granny is awesome, dude. How about I come out for a visit?”

After rolling the sounds of, “Tawny Port Johnson,” around in my mouth for a few minutes, I called her back to say I’d pass on the date.

I’m only somewhat concerned about their safety but I’m worried that Gram and the P-cubed haven’t voted yet. While their votes are likely lost ballots in Texas, it’s important that they vote anyway. Every vote actually counts, even in the Hellhole that is Prick Perry’s Texas.

Me, I’ve been invited to serve the Obama campaign as a poll watcher—a policeman, if you will, to insure that Romney’s right-wing assholes don’t intimidate any voters.

Shithead right-wing conservative Christian voter suppressing fuckwads.

I’m thinking of wearing my bulletproof vest and kidney belt just in case. Anyway, please vote. It is mightily important no matter where you live.

Manana, y’all.

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4 Responses to “Be On The Lookout; Please Vote!!!”

  1. Squatlo says:

    I got a call inviting me to be a Pole watcher for this election, so I’ve decided to go down the street and keep an eye on Frank Kowalski. Nice enough guy, but for some reason the people at the Democratic headquarters think he and others like him need to be watched on Tuesday. Beats the hell outta me why they’d want me to keep an eye on Frank, but whatever I can do to help.

    I’ve already checked and he says it’s cool if I come over and watch him during the day. I’m hoping someone else will take over tomorrow night so I can watch Rachel Maddow explain the returns.

    Fuck Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, and Rick Scott. Hope you get your cat back. Good pussies are hard to find, and even harder to keep track of.

  2. Mooner Johnson needs sexing says:

    Squat. Who said anything about a good cat?

  3. Squatlo says:

    Well, you ought to at least try to get the GPS chip back… with or without the cat. Reminds me of one of my fellow factory boys bitching during a break because his Irish setter had dashed over his underground fence carrying off a $300 shock collar. He kept saying he didn’t give a shit about the dog, but wanted that collar back.
    I asked him if he’d turned off the underground fence. He just sat there, then his face got red. Somewhere out there was a dog probably anxious to come home, but everytime it got close to the yard it got the piss knocked out of it.

    Sometimes we aren’t bright enough for our own technology.

  4. bj says:

    Just curious here, but …. is open carry allowed at the polls in The Enchanted Mountains there? My thinking is that if weapons ARE allowed at the polls … and we’re talking about New Messiko, Right? …. so , YEAH …. my thinking is you absolutely SHOULD wear a flack jacket and body armor, and while yer watchin’ out for the Polls? Watch out for yer OWN ass, too! Huh?
    Keep Yer Karma Good and visit my place Wednesday morning (if I can wait that long to post it!) and check out my Slam Dunk Presidential Election Victory Dance …. ’cause you fuckin’ KNOW …. It’s HAP’NIN’! Tonight is “The Night Before The Day” … and tomorrow IS The Day!
    btw, I bought a bottle of Taylor’s Tawny Port SEVERAL years ago. Best damn Tawny Port available IMHO; not countin’ the pron star ……….

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