Fuck Walmart!; A Dr. Marcus Bachmann Story


So. What if we Americans stopped shopping at Walmart and those other retail giants that employs Walmart’s tactics to profit at their employees’ welfare? I’m not certain that any other retailers denigrate their employees as much as Walmart, but there are bound to be a few more shitheads we can stop doing business with.

OK, stop. I should have said, “… there are bound to be a few more retailers with which we can stop doing business.” I love danglies, but I need to modify my prose for better reading. OK, might that be better said by saying, “I need to modify my prose to be better read.”?

Think about it. What if a huge number of Americans decided to shop elsewhere until Sam Walton’s kids decide that the four of them owning 40% of America’s entire fucking private wealth is enough? What if we forced Walmart to change its views on its employees?

I did some reading on Walmart and I came across the following:

“When Sam Walton created Wal-Mart in 1962, he declared that three policy goals would define his business: respect for the individual, service to customers, and striving for excellence ( www.wal-mart.com).”

Which of those three goals holds the umbrella that covers sexual bias? How about worker abuse and unhealthy working conditions? Which goal stimulates Walmart’s “Buy Chinese first” purchasing policies?

Walmart’s product lines are 70% Chinese products today and in the 1980’s and 90’s were estimated to be at least 50% Chinois in origins. Who of us can forget Walmart’s infamous “Buy American!” advertising campaign? Maybe Sammy W. had that big lie covered under the excellence goal.

Which reminds me. I was flipping through old reruns late the other night and tripped over an old Shark Tank show. There was this guy from one of the Carolinas who wanted money from the Sharks to make his product in America instead of shipping the jobs off to fucking China. One of the asshole investors actually had the gall to call the man stupid for choosing to give his neighbors jobs at a higher cost than he could employ Chinese children.

Asshole right-wing greedy fucking Shark Tank shitwad.

And which Company Goal was served when the Walmart security guard choked a shoplifter to death over the weekend? To the Walton family, stealing a DVD player is a death penalty offense. I guess that when you think that $0.90 per hour is a livable wage, you can place other human values on a low scale as well.

Am I the only one who thinks that the Waltons and the Kochs and Trump and Limbaugh wish for a feudal society as America’s next evolved government? Am I the only one who thinks they look on us commoners as serfs?

Fuck Walmart. Fuck Walmart hard and dry!!!

Which reminds me. The Squirt has started snoring. OK, that’s not quite accurate. The Squirt has started snoring loudly. She’s long snored this adorable little snirffle snore that is so cute it melts your heart. Nothing says “love” like a soft snore from an adoring pet.

But there’s nothing adorable about what’s coming out of the 10-pounds of brown fur these days. The Squirt’s nocturnal noises are literally cartoonish—long, loud and full of multiple intonations. I’m reminded of an old Popeye cartoon with the basket full of puppies snoring away.

I bought a bag of foam earplugs to help me sleep through Squirt’s snoring, and that is the crux of my current problem. I’ve been wearing these cute purple foam earplugs every night for a few weeks—jamming the small rubber cones deep into my ear canals. I didn’t take time to think that plugging-in my hearing devices in order to sleep would create additional health complications, but I neglected to reason the simple fact that your ears are a vital component of your body’s sinus system.

My nasty cold is now in my ears and it feels like I’m on an airplane that roller-coasters up and down from zero-to-20,000-feet each thirty seconds. I’m in a continuous loop of compressing/decompressing and I’m ready to slit my own throat.

And for some reason that thought brings to mind something that has been bothering me for quite some time. Chris Hayes and Rachael Maddow are the same person. It’s true and I know it’s true. I loves me some Rachael Maddow and I think Chris Hayes is a very smart young man, and I simply don’t know how Rachael makes the transformation and where she finds the time to live that particular double life. I find myself unable to concentrate on Chris half the time because I’m looking for clues as to how they could make Rachael look less like herself when they do the makeup.

Maybe a blond wig and handlebar mustache.

Smart women really turn me on and many’s the time I’ve been sitting with MSNBC on the tube and rMs comes on and I start to daydream about Rachael and her partner and me. I think her partner is an artist named Susan. OK, maybe it’s Leslie or Margaret, perhaps.

Anyway, I’m unsure as to what I might even suggest to do about this entire Rachael/Chris dealie, but I am going to give it some thought.

And might it also be possible that Grover Nordquist and Dr. Marcus Bachmann are the same woman? I’ll need to research that one as well.

Anyway, “Fuck Walmart!” and come back manana, y’all.

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6 Responses to “Fuck Walmart!; A Dr. Marcus Bachmann Story”

  1. squatlo says:

    Wish you hadn’t ruined Rachel for me… I love everything about that woman. Or did.

    Whatever happened to Rick Perry and Rush Limbaugh??? Last we heard they were sharing implants and a cross-species gay marriage in Austin. (casual readers of this blob will wonder WTF I’m talking about, so perhaps a recap is in order…)

  2. Mooner Johnson needs sexing says:

    Squat. Funny you should mention the mismatched gay lovers. I’m planning a visit back to Austin for assessments on multiple subjects. More to follow.

    As for Rach–I call her Rach–knowing that she has a second, manly persona only heightens my already peaked interests.

  3. bj says:

    You are definitely NOT the only one who thinks the Walton spawn, Trump, the Kochs and many other rich fuckers are attempting to become American Royalty. IMHO, when you are born with the proverbial silver spoon in your mouth, programmed in your formative years to believe that you are better than others, groomed for extending the family fortune into the next millennium without regard for consequences to humanity, all the while being sheltered from the real werld like a young Siddhārtha Gautama, destiny dictates you become a puerile douche bag. They are raised to believe they are better than everyone else when in reality they are just better off. Now add millions/billions to that equation and you get THE HAVES, an elite club that isn’t accepting new members … like Britain’s Royal family, and the rest of us are here to cater to their every whim, aka Have Nots. It’s a very old story told time and again …. with the same inevitable outcome. The HAVE NOTS kill and eat THE HAVES. Unfortunately for us HAVE NOTS we are now in that part of the cycle where THE HAVES … still do. It goes around …. and if it continues …… it … fuckin’ …. COMES BACK AROUND. Maybe we’ll get to see it this time around.
    Instead of ear plugs you should try an eye patch over each ear; they will muffle the sound while maintaining equal air pressure for proper fluid flow and drainage. Wah-Lah!
    And …. I will never be able to look at Chris Hayes the same way again. Because of your twisted thought patterns and the espousal of them …. I now want to fuck Chris Hayes as well as Rachel Maddow … AND Susan or Leslie or Margaret!
    ps, Wal Fuckmart!

  4. Katy Anders says:

    If I can soapbox for a minute…

    The American worker is screwed.

    Romney worried a lot about “labor costs” for American businesses. This is a legitimate worry. You and I are “labor costs.” And if we demand to get paid a livable wage, 40 hour work weeks in a building with grounded wiring and, you know, smoke detectors, we’re just never going to be able to compete with slave labor in Indonesia.

    Unfortunately, thanks to the Democrat-supported trade bills, we can’t do tariffs anymore, for all practical purposes.

    So we’re screwed.

    Remember: Slavery went away because rich people figured out room and board is expensive.

  5. Mooner Johnson needs sexing says:

    Beej. For starters, I’ve ordered design plans for a gi-yo-teen from this French guy on the Inet. Secondly, eye patches? I’ll try them. Lastly, “I’m a simple reporter, Senator McCain.”

    Katy. I wish I could reply that your recent descent into morosity over the defection of your wife to your brother is clouding your thought. But with the exception of the simple fact that most third-world factory slaves are housed and fed in company barns, you are spot on.

    My quite humble opinion is simple. Americans must choose to pay fair prices or continue trending towards serfdom. American worker output has doubled while real-dollar income has lessened 4%. Even our “progressive” political candidates promise support and change and then become part of the Body Politic that is bought by big money.

    Again, we commoners must be willing to pay fair prices before we can expect to be paid fairy. As long as we seek to save a few dollars shopping at Walmart, our voice will be heard as uncaring for our own plight.

    As for losing a partner to a sibling, I think that revenge sex in the crisp mountain air near Santa Fe, New Mexico with a middle-age environmentalist is precisely what the doctor ordered.

  6. bj says:

    We didn’t “END” slavery in America … we just …. fuckin’ …. EXPORTED it. S’Cheaper than paying American werkers a living wage, in factories with smoke detectors and fire extinguishers.
    and …. WHY would anyone go to Santa Fe to have sex with Al Gore? Even revenge sex? Sex of ANY manner?

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