Chris Christy- The Face Of The Republican Party

 

So. Thought I’d drop you a quick line, see what happens. Gram called me yesterday afternoon and the call went like this:

Me: “Hey, baby, who’s banging whom?

Gram: “I’mma be a bangin’ yer hard head iffn ya don’t call yer crazy ol’ mother.”

Me: “I already spoke to her twice today, Gram. What’s her bitch now?”

Gram: “Said she had ate a salad at lunch with Eddie’s mammy an’ got tha gassers so bad she shit herse’f. You call ‘er up an’ make it right.”

“Eddie’s mammy?” I asked the dial tone buzzing in my ear. “Eddie’s mammy?” I re-asked, this time to the Squirt.

The little brown dog looked at me like I’d lost my mind and said to me, she said, “Your mother’s memory is going fast, shithead. Try to be more respectful, if you even can.

“OK, you’re right, of course. But Eddie’s mammy? Who, inthefuck, could Eddie’s mother be? Hells-bells, Squirtie girl, I don’t even know an Eddie in Mother’s life.”

Which reminds me. I heard Rangy Rance Preibublican, head of all Republicans, on the TV Sunday am, and he was saying how Governor Christy having closed a major Interstate bridge in political retribution, causing serious human suffering, and then throwing his own staff under the bus and lying about it all, does not disqualify the obese former prosecutor from a Presidential slot on the next Republican ticket.

I agree. Chris Christy is the face of the Republican Party—a fat white bigot willing to cheat and lie and take social support from the needy, all the while clutching his rosary and living his life for Christ’s honor. “Chris Christy is the face of the Republican Party” should be their new motto.

And that just spurred the mental acuity required to solve Gram’s puzzle. Edamame. Eddie’s mammy is soy beans. My mother is allergic to raw soy beans, had some in a salad and got the squirts. Having figured out the quiz, I beg the question, “How’s that my problem?”

Anyway, gotta go for now. Manana, or so, y’all.

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7 Responses to “Chris Christy- The Face Of The Republican Party”

  1. Katy says:

    I’m not awake yet, so I’m not going to have anything interesting to say. Or rather, I’m still waking up – if I were actually asleep and typing, it would probably be way MORE interesting.

    I was just so stunned to see two blog posts from you so close together in time that i couldn’t let it go by without commenting.

    It feels like the old days, having you post more than one time in a month. I am re-experiencing my youth.

  2. Squatlo says:

    Katy, I call the shock you’re in at seeing two Mooner posts within a week of one another “Santa Syndrome”. It’s like when you a kid has grandparents in one town and another set of grandparents in another state entirely, and only gets to see them in separate visits during the holidays. The kid gets Christmas at home, where he/she receives the typical Santa bounty. Then after a short car ride the kid gets ANOTHER Christmas with the local grandparents, and the lavish over-the-top indulgences continue. Then, after a long car trip or a short air flight, the kid is treated to yet another Christmas at the out-of-state grandparents’ house, where things are even more bountiful than before.
    By the time the kid is put to bed that night, there are unreasonable expectations for this party to continue day after day for the rest of the year.

    So it is with frequent Mooner posts. We start to remember how cool it was when the mother fucker would actually check in on his site and leave us with a few pearls of wisdom, and hopes begin to rise that he’s coming back with another post tomorrow and the day after that.

    Just remember, Santa isn’t real, and Mooner is only toying with our fragile emotions.

    I’m surprised he hasn’t tried the crack dealer routine of getting us hooked on his product and then charging us for our next fix…

    (hope I haven’t given him any bad ideas…)

  3. Squatlo says:

    And if you think Mooner’s gone slack on his blog, you should be a fan of BJ’s shit! He’s only checking in about once a month now… I’ve been reduced to returned to Facebook for entertainment and information. How sad is THAT shit!

  4. Squatlo says:

    Actually, I just dropped by BJ’s place, and apparently it’s been condemned or something. Blobber notification posted saying the blob has been removed…

    That’s like going to your favorite head shop and finding the cops have strung yellow tape across the door and are leading the owner away in handcuffs.

    Heavy sigh…

  5. bj says:

    “Chris Christy is the face of the Republican Party” … spot on correct, Sir. He’s been using underhanded, retaliatory tactics for so long he thinks it’s normal business. Bridge obstruction? Christie …. OBAMA obstruction? Sick, poor, infirm, needy, human …. obstruction of AMERICA? Fucking Republican strategy …. day in day out. I’d say, barring impeachment for using govt. funds to produce a campaign video, Christie just moved to the front of the GOP Crazy Bus.
    Hope yer Ma gets over the soy scours and you cannot talk to your Mother too often. Wish I could hear my Mom’s voice one more time …

  6. Katy and Squat. Bite me.

    Beej, my brother. What happened to your home address? I clicked to see if anything was new and the newness was your absence.

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