Think, Thinked, Thunk, Thunked; Literary Devices Of The Insane

So. Big thinks brewing here to La Casita Johnson de Santa Fe, and big things as well. Most of the things are as yet unsettled and, therefore, to be unmentioned, and since my thinkings are never quite settled, we shall, herein and herenow, further discuss.

OK, let’s stop for a moment of both literary reflection, and in effort to provide clarity of thought, to examine the meanings of that last paragraph, said paragraph being the last and the first paragraph(s), and having said that I feel both smart as all get out and also dumb as a fucking brick.

Why is it that a person can say or do something quite smart yet be thick as a brick? For my part, I’ve just spent thirty minutes digesting, evaluating, and reflecting upon those early words, above, and find that they quite perfectly reflect with precision what it is (was) that I wished to tell you. I then spent an additional hour writing a detailed explanation as to why, how and in which contexts you could understand the perfectness of my prose, editing repeatedly those words, and then I spent another thirty seconds with my finger on the “Delete” button to erase it all. I’d have used the highlight-and-delete thingie but I always delete shit I want to leave and can’t remember what it was that I deleted unjustly.

“What in the world are you doing?” the Squirt asked me. “You’ve been sitting here typing away for three hours and all you have are two-and-a-half paragraphs?”

As is typical when the small brown puppy asks me a question, she inquires with the same disdain so frequently heard in the voices of the women in my life.

“I’m fulfilling my promise to the readers hereof to provide as much clarity and truthfulness as possible, herein.”

“OK,” she said, and again with disdain, disdain used in the form of condescension, “but what is it with you and this where and here shit?”

“Huh? What where and hear shit? You mean herein?”

“No, dumbass, here shit, not hear shit. Like hereat, hearein and whereat and wherein. Not bare shit, bear shit. What the Hell are you talking about?”

“What the Hell are YOU talking about?”

Alright, let’s take another breather as my ADHD has taken control of this spaceship and headed it straight to Uranus, and mine. That’s another thing I heard as a child and almost as often as I heard my name. “Pull your head out of your ass, Mooner.” I wonder who invented that phrase and did they get a literary medal for perfection of intents.

There was this one time when I was maybe seven when we were all picking sweet corn and cutting okra from tall, stalky plants out to the garden.  All save Sister and I had sharp knives to prune fruit from stalk, and we kids had baskets for collections. Remember bushel baskets, those thin wood lath affairs strung together with twisted wire? I loved those big leaky buckets. Anytime they were used they brought some sort of bounty.

Sister worked with Daddy and Grandpa over to the corn rows, and I was following Mother and Gram down the okra aisles, catching the sticky pods as they cut and dropped my way. As my mother considered herself highly educated and somewhat above hard labor, sweating and slapping at buggies while doing laborious tasks was not good for her humor. In passive-aggressive anger, Mother seemed to be taking out her angst on the okra plants. Looked like with every other pod she culled she’d cut the stem as well. Looking back on this reflection, I think she may have been attempting to reduce future okra cutting labor.

After maybe a half-dozen large stems hit the bushel basket and fell to the rich earth of our garden, my grandmother had reached her point. “What tha Hell is wrong with you, Mother. You ain’t payin’ no more attentions ta yer work than Mooner does ta his schoolin’”

“Yea,” I thought to add, “pull yer head outta yer ass!”

Repeating that scolding phrase directed at my veryownself so often—and only recently having gained full understanding of its meaning—I relished the sounds coming out of my mouth.

“Pull yer head right on outta yer ass, Mother, and do it right damn now!”

If I sit quietly and close my eyes, I can still feel the stings of Mother’s lashes with Daddy’s thin leather belt.

Recounting that story has, for some reason, reminded me that I have seen Jethro Tull in concert twice. Once when they opened for Vanilla Fudge and Zeppelin and the second as the main attraction. It was quite confusing for me to have LZ conjoined with The Fudgies, as I saw those two groups as conflicting as any high school battle of the bands ever. Second Tull event was attended by Dr. Sam I. Am-Johnson and I, Gram, and this Baptist high muck-a-muck she picked up from over to the Southern Baptist Convention. Baptists held their annual soiree daily in the same neighborhood as the concert was held, and my randy old grandmother liked to troll the Baptist Smokers Lounge for wayward Deacons.

Anyway, the biggest of my thinks is that I miss my family back to Texas. Most of them, anyway. My Gram wrecked her Ferrari, again, and for some odd reason I yearn to be there to chew her out and then pay to fix it. Leaving a retainer at the body shop is not the same as bitching while writing a check.

So Fuck Walmart!

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8 Responses to “Think, Thinked, Thunk, Thunked; Literary Devices Of The Insane”

  1. bj says:
    Your mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought, cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.
    I read your post aloud to Ms. Baby. We snorted and guffawed throughout!
    “Second Tull event was attended by Dr. Sam I. Am-Johnson and I, Gram, and this Baptist high muck-a-muck she picked up from over to the Southern Baptist Convention.” should read: “…. was attended by Dr. Sam I. Am-Johnson and ME, Gram, and this …” etc. etc. etc.. But you DO get a medal for perfectness of intents with those two opening paragraphs! Send a SASE, $19.95, two gum wrappers and a photo of Xavier Cugat to Dept. D, Chicago, 60609 for shipping and handling.
    I am still laughing over the phrase “… my randy old grandmother liked to troll the Baptist Smokers Lounge for wayward Deacons.”
    Pure poetry, Sir, from the Seraphim.
    ps True dat, the lash did sting for a minute but the memories of those events last in perpetuity. You turned pretty good in spite of(because of?) those events.
    Another great write. Keep those rivulets of thought cascading ….

  2. admin says:

    Beej. How is Ms. Baby? My hopes are for rivulets of contentment cascading a waterfall of happiness. Just flashed back to a woman and her bird. OK, so do I get a photo with or without that fucking violin of his?

  3. bj says:

    She’s still battling her demons but much improved of late and we DO, occasionally, enjoy a waterfall of contented happiness. She’ll be pleased you asked about her. Bird is still a dangerous, flying dinosaur with a can opener in the middle of her face – and treading on thin ice.
    Coogie LOVED his fiddle …. but a photo of him AND Charo(two gum wrappers/$19.95 shipping&handling/SASE) will get you the GOLDEN Literary Medal For Perfection Of Intents!

  4. Mooner's Cascading Rivulets says:

    Beej. Bird’s almost big enough to clean to a taco-sized morsel. Get a half dozen of the small corn tortillas, five quail and serve a six packer.

    “Mmmmmmmm. This one is much tastier than the others.”

    Fuck Walmart!

  5. “Bereshit” is the first word of Genesis in Hebrew.

    I believe that Ian Anderson would appreciate that, and might have even written a song about it in the Seventies.

  6. Mooner's Cascading Rivulets says:

    Kat.., I mean Nazzy. I read your story about the walker and while I wanted to comment, all I could do was look at your face and imagine what creativity would be required to make a transformation such as the one I’m evermore convinced you have pulled off.

    As for Sir Ian and Bereshit, your eyes captivated me at first glance.

    Fuck Walmart!

  7. Mooner's Cascading Rivulets says:

    Beej. The future, as I envisioned it, is here. Now I can sue for patent infringement!

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