Rush Limbaugh the Pig
Serving as translator is Dixie Johnson; Mooner Johnson serving as translator for Dixie.
“I’m a pig of mixed breeds and typical of the great American domesticated hog. Mooner Johnson saved my life when he and Streaker Jones got snockered at the Travis County Livestock Show and Rodeo three years ago and Mooner bought me from the 4H kid that raised me for a scholarship donation of $88,496.00. He brought me home and I live happily with the whole Johnson family except for Gram, the humorless matriarch of the Johnson family.
“Gram and I do not get along so well because Gram has no sense of humor and I am a pig. Look, if you bend over and wave your ass at me I will stick my snout where the sun don’t shine. It’s what I do- I’m a pig.
“As for my name I know I was named for that other pig, you know the one on radio. But that guy gives good-hearted pigs like me a bad name. And just because bacon and BBQ pork ribs are my favorite foods does not make me a cannibal. I will not eat a human.”
“Rush Limbaugh the pig is my favorite barnyard animal. His antics furting my Gram are too funny- him sticking his snout up her butt and her jumping out of her socks. But please, Rush Limbaugh needs to come out of the closet. Everyone knows he is there and why he hides from his true self.
“Liberate yourself, Rushie. Come on out of that closet.”